Goodwoman Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 My ex and I were together for 6 years and lived together for almost all of it. About 4 months ago, he told me he was cheating on me and left me for the OW. About 2 months ago, I started strict NC and have not let up even once. The thing is, after 2 months of absolutely no contact, my ex is STILL texing me on a weekly basis. It started with little things like "hope all is well" and has been working up to "I really miss you". I have not responded to a single text in 2 months and there has been a lot of them. Has anyone else had a problem like this? You would think after this long he would take the hint that Im not going to answer? He dumped me for another woman! Is it possible the Grass isnt as green as he thought it would be? If he is playing the 'game' to make sure Im still there, Im pretty sure he knows im not. Do dumpers go this far just to get a reaction from a dumpee? Or is he beyond that now and looking to reconcile? CONFUSED!
PegNosePete Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 You need to tell him that you don't want to hear from him any more. He doesn't seem to be getting the hint from your non-replies. If that doesn't work, have his number blocked by your mobile company.
0hpenelope Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Do dumpers go this far just to get a reaction from a dumpee? Or is he beyond that now and looking to reconcile? CONFUSED! It's mainly to get a reaction, yeah. All he's saying is he misses you and while it's normal to react to that, he did not say "I want you back." If I were you, I would treat it as him not looking to get back together. A lot of people on the boards, I've noticed, assume that the ex might be fearful or too prideful to say it outright. I say if the dumper really cares about getting back together, they will swallow their pride to say so. He's still with the other woman, correct? Keep giving him the gift of missing you. And congratulations for sticking to NC!
hitbyatruck Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Goodwoman, I am fairly confident that cheaters/dumpers have their doubts about their life choices - possibly (and silently) for much longer than the betrayed/dumped takes to move on. Pride plays a huge part post affair/separation/divorce. Pride will most likely dictate that your ex will not call you out of the blue to admit he screwed up and wants to try to make amends. Only your ex can make the first move towards a reconciliation, or even just an apology. Text messages are gutless little snippets devoid of human emotion. Hearing the voice of someone you care/once cared about trumps a line you read on a cellphone screen anytime. If you haven't got over him (and you most likely wouldn't be posting here if you had) then pride will ensure you don't respond to his texts, plus it's counter-productive for your healing if you do. I don't think he's playing mind games with you, but unless he actually calls, and you honestly want to hear what he has to say, then I would recommend ignoring him - he'll get the message eventually and will either cease, or will call you. The two of you may actually be in a "stalemate" of sorts atm. Assuming you have no children (none mentioned) you are lucky in that 100% NC is truly possible. My ex finds a child-related reason to text me or call me almost every day - usually multiple times. It's my fault as during our failed recon a level of friendship higher than for a long time was regained and I allowed non-essential communication but only regarding our son. Despite the fact she is shacked up with the guy she left me for (twice!), I feel that she still needs a level of emotional connection between us and this is how she gets it. I don't mind talking to her but unless it is important, or can wait, then I don't want to for obvious reasons. I don't respond to the texts unless they are important & I screen her calls. She is a "talker" so rather than leave a voice message, she will always call back to discuss something. If I persist with ignoring her calls, then I am accused of ignoring my child's needs. LC as a goal has gone out the window - I'm nowhere near it. Quite a difficult situation here atm. Hold out on the NC. It will continue to help you, and may sort him out one way or the other while you're at it.
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