Cee Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Well, in all honesty, you should maybe take a loot at what NRG said about taking personal time to get over other relationships and figure yourself out. You went on a ton of dates...maybe being more selective and looking for specific qualities in other people that you would be attracted to, as well as the type of guy that would appreciate what you bring to the table. A lot of people do online dating and say there was nothing there for you, well maybe some of those people should ask what it is they can offer someone and if you can't answer that then maybe you need to do some soul searching. I'm 41 years old. I came of age before the internet. Online dating is alienating for me. I miss the old days when I'd feel chemistry from meeting somebody at a party. I thought I had to do online dating b/c I'd never meet a man. Well, I quit the online nonsense in September and I have met somebody in real life. I don't know where it will lead, but this man is infinitely more compatible than anyone I've met online. Had this man made an online profile, I would have nixed him based on his info. But by meeting the man first and finding out the stats later, things went much better. Online dating isn't for everybody. And there's nothing wrong with that.
Author irc333 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 (edited) VEry good points Cee.... every time I see these faces of frustrated veteran ladies on these dating sites , "Blogging" about their online dating frustations about the jerks that keep emailing them and how they can't meet a normal, nice guy, it annoys ME that how I had emailed them in the past only to be ignored. And I think ONLINE dating is perpetuating them to pass up men who they would probably give a shot to in real life. I'm 41 years old. I came of age before the internet. Online dating is alienating for me. I miss the old days when I'd feel chemistry from meeting somebody at a party. I thought I had to do online dating b/c I'd never meet a man. Well, I quit the online nonsense in September and I have met somebody in real life. I don't know where it will lead, but this man is infinitely more compatible than anyone I've met online. Had this man made an online profile, I would have nixed him based on his info. But by meeting the man first and finding out the stats later, things went much better. Online dating isn't for everybody. And there's nothing wrong with that. Edited January 19, 2011 by irc333
GivenUp0083 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 VEry good points Cee.... every time I see these faces of frustrated veteran ladies on these dating sites , "Blogging" about their online dating frustations about the jerks that keep emailing them and how they can't meet a normal, nice guy, it annoys ME that how I had emailed them in the past only to be ignored. And I think ONLINE dating is perpetuating them to pass up men who they would probably give a shot to in real life. It has nothing to do with ONLINE dating dude. These are real people in real life, not online people. If a woman who online dates and passes a lot of men up who email them, then they probably pass up men who ask them out in person as well! Online dating doesn't perpetuate them to pass up men, they probably lower their standards initially on a dating site. The fact that people like you think there's a certain stereotype of generalization about people who date online and are different from people you'd meet in person is an absolutely ridiculous idea.
Cee Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I don't entirely agree with GivenUp. I think compatibility is a sophisticated thing and there's not a good way to assess that through online profiles. I think attraction is generated during face to face contact and not plotted in advance. But that's me. I don't have attraction until after I spend time time with a guy. Which is weird b/c I have to guess who I am attracted to. And I'm a bad guesser. I remember accepting a date from a guy, but didn't like his picture at all. To be honest, I thought he was unattractive. But in person, I was totally gaga for him after our date. And he promptly ditched me b/c he wasn't a guy looking for a girlfriend- he was playing around on the site. I know that I could have accepted dates from all guys who were appropriate, but it seems exhausting to do that. That kind of free form, volume dating seems draining and unproductive. So I go to a meetup.com event or party and chat up the interesting men.
Author irc333 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 Hardly ridiculous....online and real life makes a huge difference...why? Body language, mannerisms, voice tones, etc...when you're interacting with a person, makes a HUGE difference.....and they can't hit thie "delete" button in real life either. It has nothing to do with ONLINE dating dude. These are real people in real life, not online people. If a woman who online dates and passes a lot of men up who email them, then they probably pass up men who ask them out in person as well! Online dating doesn't perpetuate them to pass up men, they probably lower their standards initially on a dating site. The fact that people like you think there's a certain stereotype of generalization about people who date online and are different from people you'd meet in person is an absolutely ridiculous idea.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Hardly ridiculous....online and real life makes a huge difference...why? Body language, mannerisms, voice tones, etc...when you're interacting with a person, makes a HUGE difference.....and they can't hit thie "delete" button in real life either. Its all the same people. That's my point. You're saying there's a lot of women on the rebound online. There's a lot women on the rebound IN REAL LIFE TOO!
love4me2c Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Last October, I went on a date with a man from PoF. I had done some online dating before. I'm recently separated, too. So, yeah, I wasn't looking for anything other than a date that night. My past experience taught me that I would not be interested in this guy and I'd never see him again after that night. To my surprise, we've been together ever since and are talking about making our relationship more permanent in the next year, provided we are still happy and together. There are all kinds of people out there. Sure some are testing the waters, but there is nothing wrong with that. Usually they have the type of relationship they are seeking (long term, short term, hanging out etc.) that should help guide you where they are in terms of relationship readiness and longevity. I wouldn't give up just yet!
carhill Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 It's possible *some* people are more likely to put up a dating profile if 'testing the waters' or 'rebounding' than pursuing real-life proactive interaction with men during that same period. IOW, as a gross example, lounging in sweats on their laptop while flirting with men online versus glamming it up and heading to the club. If a genuine man comes along online, then suddenly real life smacks the person in the face and they disappear, not because they are a bad person, but simply because they're not ready for the reality of what they sought online. I've never dated anyone like this BTW, equal gender opportunity here. I used 'women' to keep in line with the OP.
paddington bear Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 or....some women (men too I'm sure) are scared of online dating. I tried it some years ago. Felt weird about it. Would email people for weeks, too afraid to meet them in case they were some crazy. Then I tried it again. Felt less weird about it. But didn't meet anyone compatible and got pissed off with it, so just stopped going on it, or opening emails etc. And now, perhaps third time lucky. My point is, perhaps rebound people, but also people who have just split up and are on dating sites and literally don't know what to do when real men contact them, get scared and do nothing.
Cee Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Its all the same people. That's my point. You're saying there's a lot of women on the rebound online. There's a lot women on the rebound IN REAL LIFE TOO! I totally agree. It is all the same people. That's why I'm skipping the middle man (online profile and messaging) and going back to the meeting in real life thing.
paddington bear Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I totally agree. It is all the same people. That's why I'm skipping the middle man (online profile and messaging) and going back to the meeting in real life thing. Why is everybody talking about online dating vs real dating as if it is an either or situation. Surely it is an added way to meet people? You can still meet people in reality and go on dates with them, while at the same time meeting people from dating sites surely? Personally I'm just not asked out in reality, most of my friends are in couples, are gay, are much younger than me, my colleagues are waay younger than me, so any social events with any of the above leads to me never, ever meeting anyone in reality, so I'm pretty much stuck with online dating alone (unless a miracle happens and someone 'gasp!' actually approaches me in the real world). But for the rest of you, why not see it merely as another tool to meet members of the opposite sex?
Author irc333 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 Right, and I do not live in a major city, so when I try to make rare attempts to approach a woman sitting by herself at the cafe court or some store in the mall....the boyfriend or husband will pop up moments later. LOL Or they have live-in boyfriends. And some of these women are in their early 20's and are married with children. Such a waste of youth. They marry their High School sweethearts right out of Highschool. Makes it very hard to find actual UNattached women in the area, heck, even online, you'll find a smidgen of available women in my locale that are actually unattached, have all their teeth, and able to put words together in a sentence. What's funny, they typically have recently moved into the area, and realized "Hey, where's all the single people" and jump online as well. When I meet THESe women, I get excited with finding the "Last of the Mohicans", and still get ignored.LOL Why is everybody talking about online dating vs real dating as if it is an either or situation. Surely it is an added way to meet people? You can still meet people in reality and go on dates with them, while at the same time meeting people from dating sites surely? Personally I'm just not asked out in reality, most of my friends are in couples, are gay, are much younger than me, my colleagues are waay younger than me, so any social events with any of the above leads to me never, ever meeting anyone in reality, so I'm pretty much stuck with online dating alone (unless a miracle happens and someone 'gasp!' actually approaches me in the real world). But for the rest of you, why not see it merely as another tool to meet members of the opposite sex?
carhill Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 OP apparently has the same problem I had for decades, that being meeting available women. It wasn't until I walked the streets of a foreign country that I understood how pleasant it could be to meet available women in real life.
Author irc333 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 Yeah, sometimes even in US cities, there'd be people coupled up. It seems single women "stay in" sometimes. Probably sitting on Match.com or something. LOL I've been to places, where every woman had a husband or boyfriend curled up with them listening to band or enjoying food and spirits. OP apparently has the same problem I had for decades, that being meeting available women. It wasn't until I walked the streets of a foreign country that I understood how pleasant it could be to meet available women in real life.
Author irc333 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 I had a female friend seriously suggest some kind of Russian introductory service, I thougght she wa skind of joking, but she wasn't she say she knows a friend that did that. lol OP apparently has the same problem I had for decades, that being meeting available women. It wasn't until I walked the streets of a foreign country that I understood how pleasant it could be to meet available women in real life.
carhill Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 No need for introductions. Ukraine doesn't even require a visa for US (and other certain countries) citizens. Just fly into Kiev, Lviv or Odessa and walk around. Trust me. Whenever you're ready, let me know.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I totally agree. It is all the same people. That's why I'm skipping the middle man (online profile and messaging) and going back to the meeting in real life thing. The online route is just a way to expand your connection to people who you would otherwise never meet in day to day life. Perfect example is my girlfriend. We live 12 blocks away from each other which is maybe a mile, yet we're in a big city, she's a teacher on the west side, I work in sales downtown. We've both lived in our current apts for over 3 years yet we've never met before and we never would have as we don't know any of the same people. If it weren't for the internet I would've never found her and she is perfect for me in every way. I had a female friend seriously suggest some kind of Russian introductory service, I thougght she wa skind of joking, but she wasn't she say she knows a friend that did that. lol If you're having trouble finding available women you really only have 2 options: 1. Move. If people all married their HS sweethearts then you've missed the marriage boat, unless you want to wait until they get divorced or become a home wrecker but I wouldnt recommend that. 2. If you have female friends, ask them to start setting you up. I'm sure you'll btch about blind dates but beggars can't be choosers here. Your options are limited. Talk to your female friends and see if they'll set you up. Odds are if you make friends with enough women, most of them have a friend/family member/co-worker that is single too. Network a little.
Author irc333 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Funny how you mention #2. The friend that suggested the "Russian Indtroductions Service" , the irony of it. Some time back, I noticed she had some pics up of her and some of her single friends dancing at a nightclub. I mentioned to her, instead of making it too obvoius "Hey, how about hooking me up with your friends" I mentioned, "Hey, looks like you ladies had a nice night, next time you go out, how about I come along?" And she said, "Sure, but under one condition, don't hit on my friends" That was pretty frickin' rude on her part (speaking of rude cities). I just responded, "Hey, as long as they dont' hit on me, lol" Actually, it was rather a stupid condition to adhere too, esp. if your a single guy, but, obviously, she wasn't going to help me get to know her friends in a "dating" fashion. So I guess she wasn't open to me dating or making an attempt to flirt with her friends. The online route is just a way to expand your connection to people who you would otherwise never meet in day to day life. Perfect example is my girlfriend. We live 12 blocks away from each other which is maybe a mile, yet we're in a big city, she's a teacher on the west side, I work in sales downtown. We've both lived in our current apts for over 3 years yet we've never met before and we never would have as we don't know any of the same people. If it weren't for the internet I would've never found her and she is perfect for me in every way. If you're having trouble finding available women you really only have 2 options: 1. Move. If people all married their HS sweethearts then you've missed the marriage boat, unless you want to wait until they get divorced or become a home wrecker but I wouldnt recommend that. 2. If you have female friends, ask them to start setting you up. I'm sure you'll btch about blind dates but beggars can't be choosers here. Your options are limited. Talk to your female friends and see if they'll set you up. Odds are if you make friends with enough women, most of them have a friend/family member/co-worker that is single too. Network a little.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Funny how you mention #2. The friend that suggested the "Russian Indtroductions Service" , the irony of it. Some time back, I noticed she had some pics up of her and some of her single friends dancing at a nightclub. I mentioned to her, instead of making it too obvoius "Hey, how about hooking me up with your friends" I mentioned, "Hey, looks like you ladies had a nice night, next time you go out, how about I come along?" And she said, "Sure, but under one condition, don't hit on my friends" That was pretty frickin' rude on her part (speaking of rude cities). I just responded, "Hey, as long as they dont' hit on me, lol" Actually, it was rather a stupid condition to adhere too, esp. if your a single guy, but, obviously, she wasn't going to help me get to know her friends in a "dating" fashion. So I guess she wasn't open to me dating or making an attempt to flirt with her friends. Well there you go, she thinks you're creepy or weird or something. If she thought you were a catch then she'd be doing everything she can to hook you up with them as marriage is an epidemic....women are trying to spread the plague any way they can to their friends. However, you are not one she wants to see with her friends, or maybe her friends have seen you/met you and they think you're a creep. Who knows, all I can tell you is it's NOT going to happen. I'm not trying to rag on you too much, so I'll offer you this: If it were me, and my "good female friend" said something like THAT to me, like 'don't hit on my friends' then I'd just say okay and then I'd probably never call her again. Why waste your time with a woman that is married and can't help you meet other women? How good of a friend is she really if she thinks so little of you to not try and hook you up with her single friends? The truth is she's not a good friend, she thinks less of you, drop her and try and make new friends. Ones that will respect you and try and help you.
Author irc333 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 She's not married. She's single. But good point on the friendship status it is a shame . Well there you go, she thinks you're creepy or weird or something. If she thought you were a catch then she'd be doing everything she can to hook you up with them as marriage is an epidemic....women are trying to spread the plague any way they can to their friends. However, you are not one she wants to see with her friends, or maybe her friends have seen you/met you and they think you're a creep. Who knows, all I can tell you is it's NOT going to happen. I'm not trying to rag on you too much, so I'll offer you this: If it were me, and my "good female friend" said something like THAT to me, like 'don't hit on my friends' then I'd just say okay and then I'd probably never call her again. Why waste your time with a woman that is married and can't help you meet other women? How good of a friend is she really if she thinks so little of you to not try and hook you up with her single friends? The truth is she's not a good friend, she thinks less of you, drop her and try and make new friends. Ones that will respect you and try and help you.
Cee Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I agree with GivenUp. I don't think you need a friend who is recommending Russian dating services and not wanting you to go out with her and her friends. There are a lot of social networks out there to meet people. Personally, I use a lot of them. I don't use them for dating per se, but for expanding my social life. And while they have been better on the friendship end, I have gotten dates that way.
love4me2c Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Meetup.com is a great way to meet people that share your interests. I'm sure they have groups you can join in your area.
jelissa Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 (edited) irc333 Hmmm, I disagree that many of these daters are rebounders. I'll use myself as an example. I'm not rebounding. I truly am looking for a relationship and I've been told that I am an attractive woman. I think people just get tired of having texts and emails ignored after dates, poor communication, not finding anyone they think they might be attracted to, and letdowns. There is also a lot of miscommunication and misunderstandings. There is one guy that I really wanted to keep dating but he thought that I only wanted to be friends. I guess I posted some confusing responses to him. It's too bad because I really felt some kind of "je ne sais quoi" with him. I almost want to send him a message, but I think that would just further confuse things. Online dating seems way more complicated than traditional dating. Another thing is that I wish people would not ask me out if I don't meet their criteria physically or vice versa. After all, they see my profile and I see their profile. I'm not really picky in my posted criteria, but I don't like wasting my time. If a man is 55 and my date age range is 25-40, why is he messaging me? I know that people are blown off in both online and traditional dating. This can be alot to have to deal with in dating. Sorry to go off on a tangent. I just wonder if people take online dating less seriously and make less effort. Who the hell wouldn't need a break from all that? I don't know. What do you think OP? Edited January 21, 2011 by jelissa
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