wild_urge Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Hello everyone, this is a wonderful forum you have here. Reading through the pages it really calms me down. I am new here, so as many before I want to share my story. Ok, I met my guy about 2 years and 10-11 months ago. It wasn't love from first sight, but I got the strangest thought in my head when I first saw him, I thought "OMG, this guys is going to make an amazing boyfriend". I was 18, he was 23, one night after a party at his place, everyone was sleeping wherever they could find something comfortable enough, we ended up on the same couch. I have to say the he is my first boyfriend ever. I don't know why, but I had the strangest idea to hug him, then he hugged me, then there was some touching and a few days later I was having my 18th birthday party at his place. I didn't fall in love with him right away though. I realised that I am in love with him, when a few months later he had to leave for two months for the summer. We met in Canada, where I live and he studied, but we are both Bulgarian, so he went back to visit some family. At that time I was already used to sleeping over at his place a few times a week. I missed him so much when he was gone, I knew right then that I want to be with him, to wake up next to him every single day of my life. Time passed and he came back and we started spending more and more time together, I would sleep at home once a week and the rest of the time I would be with him. But it was his last year in university and he was supposed to go back when he graduated. So the summer came and I went to Bulgaria, three weeks later he came, we spend the most amazing summer ever, then I left, but what happened is that he was told at his university that he needs more credits for his diploma, so that he had to come back. About three weeks after I was back, he came, it would be a waste to get an apartment for a few months so we slept on the couch at my parents apartment, but soon after he came, it turned out that they made a mistake at his university and that he really doesn't need any more credits, so it meant that he has to leave, because he had no permanent residence and he had to go back to help out his mom. So after two months he left in November, that was 2009. I cannot explain with words how painful that was. . . I love him so much. I was going to school so I couldn't see him until the summer break. After 7 long months of separation, we spend another blissful summer, 3 whole months together night and day. But he had applied as a joke to another university for a masters degree and guess what he got accepted to study in Hungary. His mother pushed him to go and it was a great opportunity because the university is good and because it's an intensive program, so instead of in two years he can do it one. So we ended the trip in Hungary and I had to go back to Canada again and again I didn't know when I'm going to see him . . . but I couldn't wait until the summer, so I found a job and started again saving money for the next trip, somehow I managed to save enough and here I am again with him, the last three weeks have been amazing !!! But now I have leave again tomorrow . . . you guys know how much it hurts . . . I just can't stop thinking that we were apart for 4 month and I was going crazy, now it's going to be 6 month before i finish school and yeah we have done 7 months . . . but that is such a long time . . . half a year . . . without him . . . no kissing, no hugging, I'm not going to be able to smell him anymore, I am not going to be able to touch his skin, I am not going to able whisper in his ear. I don't know how I am going to get on that stupid plane tomorrow! We have planed that he'll come to live with me after he graduates this summer, but we haven't talked about it lately, I feel like I'm pushing him to hard, I know that he loves me and I keep talking about getting married, but he keeps saying that he still has to relay on his mother for money until he graduates and he can't get married that way and it's understandable. . . But every day that we are apart I am waiting for him . . . maybe I'm being stupid and I should just trust him, but all this waiting, it just drives me crazy and I want to be with him, one way or another, I want this to be the last time that we say goodbye to each other, I want to know that this hell will end soon. I know realise that there are other people in my situation, I'm sorry for making this so long and boring, you must know what it is when you have to leave, I just can’t believe that I'll wake up alone in m y bed on Friday and that will go on for months . . . everything is empty without him, there is nothing that I want more than being with him . . . he's at school right now, I will not see him until tonight . . . life is again an ugly shade of gray for me ! Thank you for reading this, you guys are great!
KandiceHanson Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I couldn't have related to your pain anymore. I am in the EXACT same boat as you when you say that the pain is just terrible. And yeah, at times I go crazy at night because I can't sleep without him. Honestly I just keep a countdown, I keep sticky notes in my apartment on my desk and every Thursday I rip a week off and it says how many days I have left. It helps, but yes the separation is terrible. Try getting a webcam? That helps a lot because at least you guys can see each other versus just hearing his voice. Other then that, just focus on school and know that after you finish, he will finally be with you. Take the last few months you have to focus on yourself and better you before he gets here. After that you're always going to be with him and you'll never have that true 'alone time'. So don't take advantage of that time with yourself, you have a set date for him to live with you, so you know the end is coming for your separation. Just hold onto that and know that at least you have a date and you'll finally go from a LDR to just an R. Keep your hopes up!!
folieadeux Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Welcome We all feel your pain here, but if you guys did it once, you can surely do it again. Best of luck to you both!
Author wild_urge Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 KandiceHanson The pain is terrible, yes. I get the feeling that I am suffocating. I feel like someone is ripping my heart. I barely slept last night, I couldn't stop kissing and hugging him. He brought me to this nice restaurant for dinner. I cried a lot when we got home. Then this morning we went to the airport and we said out goodbyes, I went into the security check and he left, I was crying again and these girls that worked at the airport laughed at me caused they saw us kissing and then I turned around and he had come back, apparently to see how I go through the security check and then I lost it, I've been flying around for a while now but suddenly I had no idea what to do, the security guy had to tell me to take my things off me one by one and there were no other people around and I could just feel everyone that works at the security check looking at me. . . 12h later and I am "home" . I did the countdown, I downloaded on my iPod, but I kept looking at it every single day and when you have to go from 200 to 0 it's exhausting, so now I only look at it every week or every other week, it helps to see that 10 days have passed. Last year, in May I bought a laptop of my own, because I had to share it before and I just couldn't do it anymore, so now at least we can Skype anytime one of us isn't at school or isn't sleeping. I hope, that this is the last time that we have to say goodbye to each other, I think that I'm going to have to push him a little about coming here, but hopefully he'll realise that it's the best thing to do, he also has family here. . . Anyways, as you said now it's going to be school and work, I'm actually starting school tomorrow and work on Saturday. I spent more money than I had and now I have to start saving for the next plane ticket. . . anyways, it was so worth it. I have such good memories left from the past three weeks What about you? You said you feel the same way as me, what is your situation? I'm glad that I can share with people that are going through the same things as me. foliedeux Thank you for the encouragement
aerogurl87 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Welcome to LS and I know the feeling well. The last time I saw my boyfriend, the last day I was a wreck and it was worse when we got to the airport. I was bawling my eyes out and choking on every word I tried to say. I ended up crying myself to sleep on my first flight I had to take to get back home. All I have to say is that if it's worth it, stay strong. I gave up on my boyfriend and I's relationship and almost lost him. I almost made the biggest mistake of my life and the thought of living a life without my SO made me feel empty and left the biggest hole in my heart. I ended up calling him at 2am and apologizing while hyperventilating and crying for almost an hour straight till he told me to get some sleep (which I barely got). Hold on and come here to vent if you must, lots of encouraging posters here. But don't give up hope.
KandiceHanson Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Well, my SO and I have been dating for about 2 1/2 years now and we live on complete ends of the country. I, FL and he, WA - so the plane rides as well are awful. But anyways, we have been long distance for the entire time and our longest time apart, was a year and a half - mainly due to finances and schooling, etc. But yes, I know what you mean EXACTLY when you talk about the airport embarressment. I always tell me SO to leave quickly after we do our goodbyes, otherwise I cry hysterically. It's always the worst day, especially when you have to sit through that awful flying...it's terrible. But honestly, the thing that keeps me positive is that soon enough we won't be long distance anymore and then I will be able to live the rest of my life with him. If you and your SO are thinking about plans for living together, just think of this time as you preparing yourself mentally for the LAST time to work on 'you'. Work on yourself in order to prepare yourself for living with him, marriage, etc. It's very nice to think..."Well, we will be living together within the next year/two, so this is my time to work and live about me to better myself for my SO". That is what gets me through the day! That and I have a calendar as well that I look at, yes - the days seem to drag on, but just begin to plan out things you will do when you see him next. It helps a lot - and just think about this time as a period to look forward to. Atleast you have a next date to meet up, so you have 'something' to look forward to!
Author wild_urge Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 aerogurl87 I know what you mean, although I cried less this time, last it was worse, to the point that I made him cry . . . which made me feel worse, I find that it's the most heart breaking thing in the world . . . And the stupid time difference, I hate it, it's already late there when I come back from school and he's always tired and wants to go bed after 30 min . . . KandiceHanson You were separated for a year and a half ? OMG, how did you do that ? I understand very well that it's hard paying for these stupid airplane tickets, they are so expensive. I have been working part time since I was 16 do I'm used to it, but in order to keep visiting him I had to work pretty hard and not spend a single dollar. And again I have to start saving up money and in the summer the tickets are more expensive. . . It is true what you are saying, but at the same time it is so hard, when you can't stop thinking about him. I can not in way distract myself, I can not find pleasure in anything and unfortunately I either don't have time to go out or when I have a few hours I meet with friends, but they so very few and the time spent with them just reminds me of how much more fun I could be having with him. I can't plan anything for the future, with him everything is last minute and his mother apparently doesn't like me much and she always has these crazy ideas and he has to as he's told, because she's the one that's paying for everything . . . Before I left this winter, I kept it secret until I had to buy the ticket, when I told hi, he was so happy, then he told his mother and she said it's dangerous to fly during the winter and that I am obsessed with him, I'm glad that he managed to convince her that I should visit, because it's one thing that we are long distance, but if I can't see him when I have worked so hard for it it's just too much . . . So yeah, I don't know what surprise I'm going to have in the summer, so I'm keeping my hope to the minimum and I'm trying not to plan at all. . .
folieadeux Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 If you don't mind me asking, what happened with your SO's mom? I think that's crazy that she doesn't seem to approve of the situation. Those of us in LDRs need all the support we can get, especially from someone who will potentially become part of your own family one day. I hate hearing stuff like that, makes me so mad, especially seeing everything you have to go through to be with your boyfriend. That should speak volumes to her more than anything else.
Author wild_urge Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 well, you see, his father passed away about 5-6 years ago and his sister lives in Canada also, so she's pretty lonely and gets jealous of me and then she found this note book that I have given him and I had written some very personal things, but she read it and assumed that it means that I am obsessed with him. . . yes I am madly in love with him, but that's different, anyways, you can see how stupid it is to tell somebody that flying during the winter is dangerous . . . So when I visited this time we barely saw each other . . . I really hope that she realises that he loves me also . . .I don't know what to think anymore. . . I'll wait and see what happens . . .
folieadeux Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 well, you see, his father passed away about 5-6 years ago and his sister lives in Canada also, so she's pretty lonely and gets jealous of me and then she found this note book that I have given him and I had written some very personal things, but she read it and assumed that it means that I am obsessed with him. . . yes I am madly in love with him, but that's different, anyways, you can see how stupid it is to tell somebody that flying during the winter is dangerous . . . So when I visited this time we barely saw each other . . . I really hope that she realises that he loves me also . . .I don't know what to think anymore. . . I'll wait and see what happens . . . I can definitely understand why she feels lonely, but she also has to let her son have his own life. She shouldn't be snooping in his things and it's up to him too to let her know that that's not right. Hopefully she gets her head on straight and you can have a relationship with her too. I couldn't imagine if my parents or my boyfriend's parents didn't approve of us being together; this LDR crap is hard enough.
Author wild_urge Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 I though before that happened that will manage to be friendly, but now I’m not so sure. I just have to try and be patient for now, once he doesn't depend on her it will be better and then . . . it doesn't matter too much, I can't force her to like me, the rest of his family is really nice with me and make me feel very welcome, but I guess that a lot of mothers are protective of their sons. . . I don't know, I just hope that we manage to work it out somehow . . .
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