A Rock and a Hard Place: is it possible to have both comfort *and* sexual tension?

[january2011]

Is it possible to have both comfort and sexual tension?

 

Or just one?

[EricaH329]

Great question Jan! As usual!

 

I can only speak from experience (of course), but in my last relationship I felt very safe and comfortable with my ex, and still had a very strong sexual desire for him. But the relationship only lasted a year and a half.

 

It's going to be interesting to see the responses from those in long term relationships!

[Titania22]

I couldn't really offer any proof, but I would like to think so.

 

Late last year, when the last guy i was seeing visited my place, and as far as the kids were concerned we were just friend, we obviously couldn't touch each other in front of them. I was very comfortable with him and the evening was so much fun, but the very fact we weren't free to be sexual with each other, built alot of sexual tension, and in fact when we saw each other next, the sex was the best of the whole short relationship.

 

I figure there needs some opportunities where you are around each but can't do anything. That would probably get the sexual tension going.

[Star Gazer]

Is it possible to have both comfort and sexual tension?

 

Or just one?

 

Comfort and tension, no.

 

Comfort and passion, yes.

[Jazzari]

I'd give that an unqualified yes.

 

New Relationship

 

The guy I am currently seeing makes my heart pound just by thinking about him. I smile like an idiot every time I see him, and forget to breathe every time he touches me.

 

We're still in the beginning stages so all that is understandable.

 

The last year of my life has been indescribebly horrible as I lost my husband among other hardships. I'm still learning how to be alone.

 

When I'm with this guy I feel so safe. I can finally relax and let down my guard. It sounds weird but the best way to describe it, is that I feel like I'm home.

 

Married Relationship

 

I was married for 18 years. My husband was always a huge comfort to me. Just curled up watching TV or getting a hug felt so good. I loved being married and having somone to comfort and being comforted in return. He was always supportive and willing to listen.

 

He traveled alot, so maybe that's why, but the sexual tension never really left the marriage. Just a look was enough to make my heart race. Especially when he did it outside of our home. You just knew he was promising what would happen later and it never failed to have an effect on me. He knew how to mix things up, so even after 18 years, I never really knew for sure how things would go. He was alot of fun and I miss him so much.

[Els]

Assuming that by 'sexual tension' you just mean 'sexual passion' and not 'tension' per se... I have that currently, yes. It isn't easy to come by though, not by a long shot.

[TaraMaiden]

Is it possible to have both comfort and sexual tension?

 

Or just one?

 

I don't know if I'm reading you right:

 

Sexual tension comes first.

You either then have to answer to it and satisfy it, or quell it and supress it.

 

Comfort comes with acceptance, if you play your mind right, and you come to terms with whatever is happening.

 

Does that (a) make any sense, and (b) answer your question, at all....?

[january2011]

I'm mainly referring to right at the beginning of dating = sexual tension (may not be consummated yet).

 

That is, can one feel that she/he wants to 'jump' the other person yet also feel that she/he wants to melt into an embrace and feel 'safe'?

 

For those in LTRs = sexual passion, desire, etc. Which, in my experience, can swing between comfort and sexual passion/desire or go from a mainly passionate relationship to a mainly comfortable one but generally not vice versa.

[zengirl]

I felt comfortable with my BF even in the beginning, but there was sexual tension because we hadn't had sex yet. So I think it's possible. But not likely to last, as any relationship that has lasting sexual "tension" (not passion) sounds uncomfortable to me.