Lovebug01 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 (edited) I dated a guy I would consider the love of my life for almost 2 years. He was my ying to my yang, could complete my sentences for me. We had a communication problem back in the summer. We had a nice long talk about how if something was bothering one of us, we would voice it instead of letting it explode one day. You cannot fix something if you don't know it is broken, right? Well, he had told me that my jealousy was getting to him and that is what triggered the fight, and brought us to fix the communication problem. Things were better than ever after that and our trip to the beach to reconcile. 6 months later, he is working major overtime at work, going to the gym (headstrong about it too lol), and looking to move out again. He doesn't have much time for me at the moment. Atleast until he moves out again. I have always been understanding of this. I am in nursing school and am leading a busy life myself. That is what is so great about us-- We are okay with seeing each other 1-2 times a week. We make the most of it and find the time. We both knew that one day, this would change and we'd have more time. One night 2 months ago, he called me wanting to talk. He explained to me that he was under so much stress at work, working OT because he was saving up to move out and that it wouldn't be offered much longer. He told me how he feels like he has "nothing to give" to me and that I deserve more time. He said that he "loves me dearly and deeply cares for me", but "cannot be in a relationship right now". Those words cut like a knife. We did not have any problems recently... was just another day until late that night. I asked him how this came about; what made him think about this? He said he was talking to his mom about how he feels down with how his life is going. His mom asked if he was happy with me and he apparently told her "yes", but, she had said "well, if you are so miserable with your life, you need to be fair to her and focus on things for yourself... As I think she would want you to be happy." I agree with wanting him to be happy... I just wanted answers on why we couldn't stay together as he focuses on saving money, moving out, and finding confidence. His mother got to him. I absolutely adore his mom but, I think she put a bug in his ear and I kind of wish she hadn't. I mean, I noticed him being "blah" for a little bit but, he shrugged it as being tired. He also said that I was his best friend, that he would never want to lose me in his life... But, would understand if I couldn't be friends with him without being in a committed relationship at the moment. He told me he was "miserable" with his life. I could understand why. He was in auto pilot with the whole work all day, gym, come home, eat and sleep 5-6 days a week. He wants so so badly to have his own place again. I understood. However, what I couldn't understand was why he felt the need to break off the relationship. I tend to run to people when crisis strikes; meanwhile, he has always kind of sorted things out independently. So, I wanted to blame it on personality. I went back and forth in my mind as to if he was telling the truth or letting me down easy. Finally, I asked him. He said "I am not looking to date anyone right now. I am not looking for a relationship... I am seriously focusing on myself until I can get things done I want... I am overwhelmed and just need time. I am not saying there isn't a chance sometime down the road we wouldn't get back together. I know you are thinking other things... But, I assure you. There isn't anyone else. This has nothing to do with the woman you've become- It is me. It's cliche. But, true." So, I believe him. He would have told me then if it was a cop out. Alot of guys use that as an excuse... but, it's not. So, when it is totally legitimate and true, girls often overlook it and don't believe it. I believe him. This girl at his work who calls him all the time and tries to hang out bothered me. I raised concern about her. He told me that he is not looking for a relationship with her. He said that she is just a good friend of his, and that she is going through some things and since he's a good listener, she vents and seeks advice from him... He also said he has no desire to do anything with her physically. After hearing this 2 times, I believe him. If he was looking for another girl, or fallen out of love with me.... he wouldn't have given me thoughtful gifts for Christmas, and taken me out birthday for a surprise dinner. He wouldn't have spent New Year's Eve with me and cuddled all night with me. He wouldn't ask to see me 1-2 times a week, spend his days off with me, and call me almost every night... I am confused at the moment. It's like we are together. But, not. So, I let him contact me.. I don't want him to say I am the one up his ass or anything; rather, he is the one who WANTS to talk to me . Sometimes, when I see him, it only makes me miss him more and make me more upset but, I believe once he moves out next month... we would get back together eventually. I am kinda waiting around... I am in no hurry to find someone else at the moment anyways- school starts back up in 2 weeks. Also, with his initiation, we have slept together 4-5 times since this has happened 2 months ago. I know this is a big "no-no" in the world of breaking up. I have never "stayed friends" with an ex before until now. All the other signs are pointing to us getting back together so, I caved. Basically, after this long run down (sorry ) I am interested on hearing some takes on this. What would you do? and for the guys, is this something you find to be genuine? I am scared of being lead on... But, he has never given me a reason to think he'd do this. He is a pretty genuine guy. I am trying not to be naive about this... But, I have high hopes. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance. Edited January 19, 2011 by Lovebug01
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