Sevenscars Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 just to see how she's doing. It's this urge I have that won't go away. I want to see what she's up to, if she's still single/still seeing the other guy, if she's happy or sad... I just want to know. I have been NC for more or less a month and a half. What should I do? How can I control these urges? Should I just take a look?
screwball Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Nope, you won't get any answer that will make you feel better - either way it will hurt you. If she's single, you'll wonder why she isn't with you. If she is with someone, you'll wonder why she chose him over you.
Kansas Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 OK. Remember that feeling ... you're typing in her name. Your heart starts racing. You break into a cold sweet. You feel that panic of, "oh my god, what if she is seeing someone?". Your heart pounds so loud, its almost coming through your ears, as you quickly scan through everything just fast enough to absorb it, but quick enough to get to the end as soon as possible so that you can feel the relief of finding nothing. Or the gut wrenching agony of actually discovering something. You see photos of her with her friends - "she looks like she's having so much fun without me". (punch self in face here) She doesn't miss me at all". (punch self in face) Or you find pic of her with a "friend". "Who is that guy?" Is she seeing him? How long has she been seeing him? What does he have that I haven't? I'd never wear a stupid shirt like that (Ah, you know you want to punch all three of you in the face now!) Oh, he looks like he's standing waaaay too close to her to be a friend. Suddenly, you're squinting and starring two inches from the screen to check if his arm is really around his shoulders. You still have no answers - just more questions. And now, my friend, you feel like ****. You're heart is still pounding - slower now, but still audible. You feel sick to your stomach. Completely defeated all the life and energy has been sucked from you. Remember that feeling?????? IT FEELS LIKE **** DOESN'T IT!??? DON'T DO IT.
Ajax Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I know the temptation too well. I've been NC with my ex about 4.5 months. The day after New Years I decided enough was enough with the Facebook temptation and blocked her. It hurt to do and felt like I was closing the only door she might use to reach out to me. But that hope was holding me back. I blocked her because as much as she meant to me and as much as I loved her, she was over me. And now I needed to commit to getting over her. Blocking the ex on FB is tough, but my advice is to do it. Once it's done the pain of it doesn't last as long as you think, and then you won't be hurt even more by information you don't want to see.
I am healed Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 don't do it, I don't care what your reason is, even if she has a picture with the pope and micheal jordan and lady Gaga all in one shot. Don't do it. Refuse. Step away from the bottle man, it's just like that. Facebook will keep you attached to someone so much longer than nessecary.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Seriously, like stated above DO NOT DO IT. It's gonna hurt, rest assured.
Buzzkillington Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Just think about what you could see that would make you feel better... The only thing is her saying she misses you. What are the chances of that being on her facebook? Basically 0. NOTHING you see will make you feel better, even if things are completely innocent. Easier said than done I know but don't look at it whatever you do!
melenkurion Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Don't do it. It's almost certain you will see something that makes you feel terrible, low, back to square one. You might as well hit your thumb with a hammer. In fact that would probably hurt less.
J0N Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I want you to grab a tennis racket and hit yourself in the nuts. Looking at her Facebook will hurt more than the above, I did it once and it ruined the whole next week for me. Trust me, it's a bad idea
lovesparis Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 ok. Remember that feeling ... You're typing in her name. Your heart starts racing. You break into a cold sweet. You feel that panic of, "oh my god, what if she is seeing someone?". Your heart pounds so loud, its almost coming through your ears, as you quickly scan through everything just fast enough to absorb it, but quick enough to get to the end as soon as possible so that you can feel the relief of finding nothing. Or the gut wrenching agony of actually discovering something. You see photos of her with her friends - "she looks like she's having so much fun without me". (punch self in face here) she doesn't miss me at all". (punch self in face) or you find pic of her with a "friend". "who is that guy?" is she seeing him? How long has she been seeing him? What does he have that i haven't? I'd never wear a stupid shirt like that (ah, you know you want to punch all three of you in the face now!) oh, he looks like he's standing waaaay too close to her to be a friend. Suddenly, you're squinting and starring two inches from the screen to check if his arm is really around his shoulders. You still have no answers - just more questions. And now, my friend, you feel like ****. You're heart is still pounding - slower now, but still audible. You feel sick to your stomach. Completely defeated all the life and energy has been sucked from you. applause, applause, applause
gromit Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 DO NOT DO IT!!! She's got her own life now, they're called exes because they're a thing of the past. Accept it. Don't give her the power of smashing your progress with hurtful FB posts, meant well or not. Hide her and all her friend's newsfeedsMake a separate list in the chatbox, put her in it and switch the list offline. Poof! Gone!install a URL filter and physically restrain yourself from visiting hour ex's profile page :-) These are all for your own good. and try to just stay away from FB a bit more in general. Go outside. Smell the grass.
YellowShark Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Ok Sevenscars here comes some tough love. It's kinda tongue and cheek but it is ALSO for real. Did your balls suddenly drop off? The reason I ask is because REAL MEN™ DON'T FACEBOOK! So are you a 17-year-old girl Sevenscars? Or are you a man? Personally I don't need virtual relationships, I don't need to "tag" people in photos, I don't need to "Superpoke" people. And I sure as hell don't need to cry in my beer over a chick on Facebook. I've evolved way past all that. I mean really, what's happened to grown men these days? Can you see Steve McQueen posting what kind of toothpaste he likes? Or how about Humphrey Bogart pining over Ilsa's Facebook photos cuz she left him for Victor Laszlo? Gosh, I can just see John Wayne lamenting over status updates and "fun walling" people. GAWD... gimme a break! Facebook has turned men into pussies! If I was a grown woman and interested in a man who was on Facebook, or trolling Facebook to cry over old flames I would: A) question his maturity, B) consider him pathetic, and C) realize he's really a douche. ...but that's just me. So get off Facebook and be a man! Ok? Good luck!
Kansas Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I want you to grab a tennis racket and hit yourself in the nuts. LMAO!!!! Stay strong Sevenscars! But if you can't, Jon offers some good advice. It will hurt way less, and you'll recover much faster!
Username37 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I'm going to join the club Don't do it. Just don't. It's gonna hurt either if she's single or taken. You have like.....10 other people saying don't do it. So are you gonna do it? NO
richbad08 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I'm going to join the club Don't do it. Just don't. It's gonna hurt either if she's single or taken. You have like.....10 other people saying don't do it. So are you gonna do it? NO LOL! thats funny. True this is exactly why I never look at my ex's Facebook. Because regardless what says on there your going to want to know more info.
GreenPolicy Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 just to see how she's doing. It's this urge I have that won't go away. I want to see what she's up to, if she's still single/still seeing the other guy, if she's happy or sad... I just want to know. I have been NC for more or less a month and a half. What should I do? How can I control these urges? Should I just take a look? NO. I had that urge soon after my b/u, but it does you no good. There is NOTHING you will see that will make you feel better. If they are with somebody else, you will feel like crap. If they are single, they are choosing that over being with you. DO NOT look at their fb.
Username37 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Block your ex from facebook. Block her close friends too. Smartest move I made. I can finally go on FB and not find out anything about her.
health Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I wouldn't do it. I don't know. See I checked my exes facebook and she openly stated she was on welfare, and honestly it looked like her life was falling apart. The goal was for me to be the best I can be. She pretty much cheated so it validated what goes around comes around - but it's a silly pleasure and I think it's better to forgive and try to heal. Should one check their facebook like 5 years down the road? I just want to know if my exes rebound is going to last as long as our relationship. My goal is to be healed to the point I don't care by then.
SimonSerenade Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Never check there Facebook, I made that mistake once too often and it always turned my mood from to :'(, Last time I checked she looked completely different, Far from the person she was when she was with me, Was like she ripped my heart out and said "Yeah your ancient history :)", Just ain't worth the hassle of it all mate, Like homebrew used to say real men don't Facebook so don't facebook, Life was much better before anything like that came along.
screwball Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Should one check their facebook like 5 years down the road? I just want to know if my exes rebound is going to last as long as our relationship. I think you answered your own question: My goal is to be healed to the point I don't care by then.
Author Sevenscars Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 I can't thank you all enough for all of this support. I've been staying away from the computer these past few days so I wouldn't be overcome by the urge to peek in on her, and now that I have, and you've shown me so much love and good reasoning, I've got the strength to keep away for longer. It's day 48 of NC for me. This is the first time I've counted. I'm feeling better, it gets a lot better, now it doesn't hurt so much when I think about her and I can analyze the situation with a clearer mind. As for facebook, I don't use it much, only to keep in touch with family I have across the globe and to stay updated on big events happening with my friends, as well as keep them updated on my big events. Well, time to continue healing, thank you again.
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