I am healed Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Hi loveshack, I have been going through an identity crisis, and I've realized that at my age of 22 I really don't know exactly who I am. Well I really don't know anything. I feel like everything is contradictory at the moment. I want you guys to tell me things you did to find yourself when you were going through a similar crisis? thanks in advance.
january2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Say "yes" to invites, activities, etc.Try as many new things as possible and separate into "like" and "don't like"Do more of the "like" things Rinse and repeat. Have fun
Star Gazer Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that tons and tons and tons of 22 year olds don't know who they are, as did tons of us who were once the same age. Honestly, what did it for me, was a lot of trial and error...in every aspect of my life! I wouldn't exactly recommend the same strategy, but it worked!
Author I am healed Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 can you guys share success stories as well please?
JohnnyBlaze Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I don't know if what we're going through can be called "success stories". They're all still works in progress, and like any other work in progress, they are prone to advancements and setbacks. I can tell you that, when I was about your age, my fianceé left me the same week my dad signed us up for a motorcycle training course (at the time, I had zero interest in bikes; he wanted someone to come with him and I wanted to get my mind off of her for a few hours). Since that weekend, I have become, in all senses of the word, a biker. I live, breathe, eat and sleep the darn things. It's not a hobby for me, it's a life. Given my changes, some consider it a success story and some a failure. I'm not some drug dealing pimp; I work in a good, full time job and have a good track record with them, but I'm definitely not the same guy I was ten years ago. At 22, you're a lot further along than you think you are. "I really don't know exactly who I am. Well I really don't know anything" said it all, right there. At 22, none of us knew anything. We may have all thought we did, but we didn't. The fact that you realize that you don't know anything puts you a step ahead of everyone else. Until recently, everything you did was dictated to you. The government said that you had to go to school and your parents told you what to do the rest of the time. Now, it's "good luck" and that's it. You're suddenly flying solo, and everything you do is entirely up to you. January's right; just try things out. Remember when you were a kid and you'd get into all sorts of things? Some of them you liked, some you didn't, right? Sorry to say, but you have to do that all over again. It worked back then, and since nobody's found a better way, it's the one we still use now. It's kind of like growing up all over again. It's still the same planet, but it's a whole different world. You're doing well already, and you will figure it out soon enough. It just takes a little while, that's all. As Grapes so eloquently puts it, "keep your head up, kid".
Author I am healed Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 thank you JB I guess I realized that yeah alot of people my age aren't sure who they are it's just that I feel like there is something inside me calling me to who I need to be and I'm gonna find it. please more stories.
carhill Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 OP, IME, it's a part of life, so you're 'normal' in these feelings. At your age, with a solid foundation, I went out and began to explore the world. I focused on starting my own business, traveling in my racing career and buying my first house. I found that those pursuits inspired quiet confidence. I did not define myself through romantic relationships, by choice. Hence, many women passed me by in search of more appropriate partners. The downside to this choice was, by not gaining substantial relationship experience during this period, I would be behind the curve in that regard for some years to come. The upside to that downside was the knowledge that relationships didn't define the essence of who I was, so going it alone in life was not and has never been anything I've feared. I hope you find your path. Sometimes it's merely a matter of discovering and valuing the path you're already on. Good luck
Author I am healed Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 Thanks Carhill, my personal philosophy is that when we are ready the relationships just happen. But that might sound whimsical it's how's it's turned out for me. I kind of learned to be depend on relationships to make me happy though so I'm taking time to be alone, and learn who I am. please more stories.
cerridwen Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 (edited) At 22, I felt I didn't know who I was but more accurately I didn't want to accept it. I kept trying to be society's idea of a "winner." Consequently, I got into a lucrative career and was so miserable, I began to drink nightly. This career wasn't me. But being me, I believed, was too eccentric. My passions lay in pursuits I believed wouldn't make me money. So, I fought it and stayed on a path too long and suffered needlessly. On a social level, I felt I didn't know who I was but again, it's that I didn't want to accept that I was a) shy 2) a bit awkward 3) happier in nature or reading a book. Instead I threw up a facade and went after what society (or at least MTV) says is fun. I became a party girl, dated some ballers, had a wild time, dressed to the nines nightly and felt completely hollow and unhappy. I can say now I know who I am because I've embraced who I've always been. I have a very comfortable lifestyle (turned out I COULD make money doing something I love). I made REAL friends who love my off-beat personality and I've come to as well. Yes, I'm shy and that's okay. No, I don't live in a McMansion; I live in an odd little place built in the 1930s that reflects my personality. I feel very much at peace. I feel very much like me. Edited January 20, 2011 by cerridwen
Author I am healed Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 (edited) thank you for this one it was particularly beautiful. you guys all have wonderful stories I want more! I'd like to post a little about my story. when I was young as far back as I can remember I've only felt like I belonged to one group of people and that was my neighborhood brothers we all lived in the same alleyway since we were young and have are still good friends. In college I had a nice group of friends but then I started dating a girl in it and we broke up and the group kind of dissolved. \ well it turns out that in college early on I was an overachiever in fact top 5 percent of my class, I was so focused on being the best and my entire identity revolved around my grades and on one day becoming a doctor. Well two years into college when I was a sophmore I went on a short couple of dates with some girl I met at a wedding. I really liked her she didn't like me and the rejection bore through me hard. But at that point I realized something my life was so utterly miserable. I based all my happiness on chasing grades and girls. My sister told me that the way I had reacted to that rejection showed that I needed to work on myself and build my own self confidence etc. I didn't listen though I just felt desperate so I went after another girl but this girl had been a close friend for a few years now she was actually the first real girl I was ever friends with. Well we began to date and it got pretty nice but she broke up with me. The thing was during that phase in my life I completely based my identity and happiness in her so when she left, I left. now I was shattered and without an identity. The next couple of months were the most painful in my life, somehow I still did excellent in school. I happened to run into another girl at a hospital volunteering gathering, well I fell for her fast and we dated for a while and once again I ignored that voice inside of my head which told me to slow down and work on myself. Well it turns out I was infatuated with this one and I had to cut her loose. Fast forward to now, I have no freaking clue who I am? I mean I do, I already know it's there inside me it's that voice that's been telling me to slow down and enjoy life for many years now. So now I'm going fishing I'm giving myself an entire semester just to work on being myself. Edited January 20, 2011 by I am healed
creighton0123 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 can you guys share success stories as well please? At 22, I was dating women. Think about that... me... dating women. Both my boyfriend and I find that very amusing. You'll start discovering more about yourself and really growing into your skin soon. If you're just graduating college, it'll take a few years before you really figure yourself out and begin to develop a more complete understanding of your emotions, your feelings, your beliefs, your personality, and your desires for the future.
cerridwen Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 You'll start discovering more about yourself and really growing into your skin soon. If you're just graduating college, it'll take a few years before you really figure yourself out and begin to develop a more complete understanding of your emotions, your feelings, your beliefs, your personality, and your desires for the future. ^^Absolutely true. The events I described above OP happened between the ages of 22 and 30. Enjoy your fishing IamHealed and thank you for your story. I understand a little bit better what you're struggling with.
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