fun2bewith Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 second chance. BAD BREAK UP (They cheated I broke it off). I had 2 relationships where the break-ups were really bad, and both times they came back to me within a month or two even though they had other partners GOOD BREAK UP I decided to do the noble thing and now I regret it. (She cheated I broke it off). In the last break up I was very understanding, and let her off easily adn going straight into NC and it is almost 3 months yet no attempt from her to contact me. (She has another partner). Similar story happened to my friend. So I am thinking, correct me if I am wrong: If the break-up went well, then there is closure for one party and they could move on, but if the break-up was bad then there is guilt and the person has no closure and tries to come back for closure and not for you. Are there any stories out there about good break-ups and second chances?
Country_Girl Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I think it just depends on the individual. My first bf ever, things ended badly with. We were together 2 years (living together 1 of those yrs). Cops were called, I was begging pleading, tried being friends, hacked his email to read them, sent IMs, sent emails. Oh man, it was terrible. The guy was an *******, called me some really nasty names. Finally, I disappeared, and he was so stubborn and egocentric I figured I would never hear from him again. A year later he sent me an email asking for my phone #. Soon as I replied he called me right away. I could tell he was trying to see if I was dating anyone, and I was (truthfully), I had moved out of state with the new bf, and it gave me a whole lot of joy to tell him how happy I was. I never heard from him again, lol. Next bf, we were together close to 6 years, living together 5. He had some habits I didn't like (wasn't working the last 2 years, started gaming all day, and a few other things). I was the dumper and we maintained somewhat of a friendship. I would say LC for a year, after that we were fine with the occasional phone call, hanging out, emails every week. He tried to get back together with me twice, even though I was the dumper, but I was waiting to see more progress on his end. Eventually, all I could see in him was a friend (which is a shame because he is really attractive but I couldn't see it anymore)- and I'm sure he seen the same in me, so we never got back together but still do talk weekly to this day. So, there's an example of 1 good, 1 bad. Dumpee vs. Dumper. I'm still curious how my most recent relationship is going to pan out. I think he'll come back when it's too late tbh. I don't think good/bad breakups will dictate a second chance, if anything, it seems time heals & maybe it's the level of healing that will facilitate a second chance.
IfiKnewThen Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 great post. excellent question. do you read minds? lol. OMGGGGG i was just thinking of this the other day. i was dumped..and i have made it so easy for him bcasue i felt guilty that he was more the giving party for the last 5 years. though i did give a lot. he was unusally special and gave a lot more than most would. or at least i had been led to believe that. anyway...so i thought ...since i needed to give more and now i lost him...i will be better than i ever had been and give him love, acceptance, and understanding as i could, from my disadvantage point. hes since lied to me, avoided me, procrastinated, tried to come on to me the day before he married. (first i thought it was 3 days before he married...footnote: which i didnt know he was getting married by the way) he still supposedly has my stuff and hasnt returned it and now tells me he thought he was supposed to sell it and will get to it someday. i haven't heard from him about the christmas present i sent him b/4 he got married. i recently emailed him and just merely said happy birthday and he never even said ..thanks. hes is just RUDE and EVIL now. this after i was nice. so i was thinking the same thing. i was thinking...hmmmm i make him feel 10 feet tall . i kept telling him i forgive him and understand him and want to be firends. well distant friends ..but even just merely internet neighbors meaning still be on a buddy list. and he is just rude like i said. so i think your correct. its like we give them peaceful closure to move on freely in their minds. so do they feel like they have to be accountable for anything then? what do you think? so i was thinking...i should have made it real hard and been a B and been difficult and really rained on his parade and gave him the hell he really deserved...for being such a sneaky *****. maybe then he would at least have to have some conscience then and stop being a legend in his own damn mind.
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