forever lost Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Hi guysss. Right now I'm in ldr. He is in america and I am in england. Everythingg was going amazing and now we have thought seriously about it and know that first he has to finish uni and concentrate on studying. It will take 4 years for him to finish so that means just seeing eachother maybe few times a year. But its so difficult cos we had decided to be together living togetheer by 2012. And now it has all changed which was mostly his decision. We love eachother and can't leave eachother. But I have no idea if I have the emotional strength to cope with 4 years. I'm sooo confused and would be help if someone in similar situation could help me. We get on sooo well and have never felt like this before its like we have known eachother for life..its cheesy I know but is so true. Help is needed and any comments appreciated )))
KandiceHanson Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Honestly, I have had my LDR for 2.5 years now and finally this Summer we will be living together for good. I'm not going to lie, it was physically and emotionally tough and I would not recommend it for 4 years. It is just too strenuous on a girl and the longer the distance, the lesser of a chance that it will work out. If you guys can find a way to shorten the time then do it. I am moving to his state, which is a sacrifice, but it's worth the happiness with him. I couldn't take the distance anymore, so I am taking a risk and just going for it. I, personally, couldn't make it four years, but only because I am kind of emotional But if it is worth it to you, then I would. If I had to, then I would wait, but I would do anything in my power to make it shorter.
Foreveryours10 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 me and my boyfriend have been in a LDR for about 2 years as well and i agree it is HARD! always like clockwork the first week i go back to my school (which is only 3 hours away from him vs you guys are very far away) i always cry and feel like crap and finally he will be coming with me to school next year so i just have to finish up this year. i dont know how long you guys have been dating but yes 4 years is a long time, ever thinking of coming to school in america with him? it is a big decision to make but when you love someone so much sometimes both of you have to make sacrifices. i hope everything works out for you
folieadeux Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I personally couldn't handle being in an LDR for four years. I don't want to discourage anyone but, just knowing myself, that isn't something I'd be able to cope with and would relocate first for sure. But, with you both being in school (and I'm assuming young) most likely aren't in the position right now to uproot your lives like that. My only suggestion would be to make the distance shorter when the nearest opportunity comes for you both if you think it's still worth it. Best of luck to you.
aerogurl87 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I personally couldn't handle being in an LDR for four years. I don't want to discourage anyone but, just knowing myself, that isn't something I'd be able to cope with and would relocate first for sure. But, with you both being in school (and I'm assuming young) most likely aren't in the position right now to uproot your lives like that. My only suggestion would be to make the distance shorter when the nearest opportunity comes for you both if you think it's still worth it. Best of luck to you. I agree with folieadeux, I wouldn't make it 4 years being in a LDR. For some people it may work, especially if they can see each other fairly often, but since your both young and in school I'd imagine money is tight and that may be an issue. I'm not saying it can't work, but if it were me and my SO told me it'd be 4 years till we could be together then I would have to end things. Emotionally I just wouldn't be able to handle it.
LittleTiger Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 This is really tough and I'm sorry you're in this situation. As most people have said, 4 years is a very long time and when you're young, as I'm assuming you both are, you are both still growing and changing at quite a fast pace. This doesn't have to mean growing apart of course, but this is a time of your lives when so many new and exciting opportunities will present themselves. Over the next four years, it's likely you will both be making decisions about your future based on cirumstances and people that you aren't yet aware of. As we all know, LDRs are really difficult and not everybody is cut out for them. It's not a 'normal' way of living and nobody in their right mind would choose it. Four years is a long time for anyone, regardless of age. Only those who are 100% committed (on both sides) to making it work will go the distance. I believe, the younger you are, the harder it is to make that commitment because, at this point, neither of you are 100% sure about what direction you want your lives to go in. If I'm wrong about your ages then I apologise - it's just the impression I got from your post. If you are both 100% committed, and it certainly does sound as though you love each other, then I'm sure you can make it work if you really want to but it will probably be harder on you than on him. He has made a choice to focus on his degree and career, which is no doubt the right thing for him at this time. What you must decide is whether or not waiting four years for him is the right thing for you. What is it that you are doing with your life right now? Are you also at Uni or are you still at school? Do you have a job? If you are able to make your own choices about your immediate future then perhaps, if you are both 100% sure of the relationship, you can consider moving out to where he is at Uni. I don't know the rules in the US but I'm sure you could apply to Uni there yourself, or get a temporary, renewable work visa. I would say it's definitely worth considering because, in my opinion, four years is too long for someone of your age to wait.
blugirl Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 You know, my friend has been in a LDR for 2 yrs already, they met only 3 times, once he arrived to meet her here for 2 weeks, then he came for 3 months of vacation and last year it was her turn to go to his place for 3 months. But right now no chance of relocation for anyone, since both of them are still studying. Before vacation she told me 'if after those 3 months we dont find a way to live together, I'm gonna end it' but after vacation passed she changed her mind and said she loves him too much to let go and she feels stronger now so she can wait.
Author forever lost Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Thankyou for your comments. At the minute I am working so that helps to keep me busy. We have talked a lot this week about everything but we both want to be together but we know it is important for him to finish uni first. His dad owns shops in america so he says when he finishes uni he will give him one. And I know that's the besr way because then I know we would be more secure. Yes the 4 years is the major thing. But he says if he does more subjects he can finish faster so the time would shorten. And I will hopefully go to see him in july. He means the world to me. Yes we are young but that shouldn't be an issue as long as two people want are sure they can trust eachother and definatley want the same in life. Right?? I know this is going to be really hard but I have to not be selfish and I have to understand him finishing uni is for the best first and will be the best for us in the long term.. I didn't make it clear when I said america I mean the south not north. He is latin. So right now I am trying to learn spanish. if in a few months or a year we slowly grow apart then at least I can look back and say I have tried and we gave it a chance. I believe this will work. Cos since the day we met everthing we wanted was the same. We are gunna keep trying to keep everything good between us and keep strong. Emotionally it will be harder for me but I just have to keep working and try to live my life too. thankyou for all the advice !
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