djharris27 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 (edited) So, a long time ago now—four years ago I met a guy and we fell very deeply in love. We dated off and on for two years. Let's just say the dude had a lot of issues with social anxiety and aggravation issues (not violent) that lead me to break up with him a few times along the way. Normally I don't go back, but it was true, I'd really fallen for him and he was absolutely willing to do whatever it took to keep me around—try and over come his issues that I was always very up front with him about. After a couple years though, I just knew we'd never have the right kind of relationship for me and I pretty much ended it once and for all. This time he actually accepted it the best he could and let me go. It was strange to say the least. He wasn't the best looking, but definitely the most brilliant, creative, tasteful, and hilarious guy I'd ever dated. He is without a doubt super bright and very well loved by those who don't know him very well for all these things. "At home" though, he's definitely pretty insecure, judgmental, mean, demanding and selfish at time. He also has such horrible social anxiety he has a hard time doing normal social things and often gets weird and leaves or won't go places. A very complex man who i had very complex feelings for. I would often fantasize about the few ways he could have been different so maybe I would have moved in with him when he asked and possibly even marry him. Have it be noted though, that I was very aware that I overlooked his bad qualities and did the right thing getting out of the relationship. But, as love goes, it's really hard to fall out of it and I don't think i really did until I met my next boyfriend a couple years later. In the mean time... He moved on almost right away. Had another girlfriend in like two months and they dated for about a year really intensely. She wanted to get married and he wasn't ready so he broke up with her. He and I didn't talk the whole time they dated even though he was around me quite a bit in social situations. He had texted me he missed me and such but it was clear this girl wasn't going to let him have a friendship with me of any kind. This was the most painful breakup I've gone through to date. The back and forth and the deepness of the connection just wrecked me. Having him suddenly gone/with someone else so quickly was just shocking to every part of my mind and body. So, I attempted to cope the best I could and let go. I'd met a new group of girls who were all really empathetic and would often help me talk through things. One of them, Ally, was going through a break up when I met her. I guess this guy kind of used her/maybe cheated on her, not really sure the reasons but i remember it was the end of a long long relationship for her. We became buddies over our breakups and eventually better friends for other, better reasons. After about eight months of a strong friendship I'd noticed that Ally was kind of dependent on drinking and smoking and just over all not very healthy. She was stressed a lot and spent money poorly and just kind of seemed anxious a lot. I felt bad for her and would try and direct her to a healthier form of coping with these life changes. At some point I found out Farbod, the guy, had broken up with his GF and about a month later Ally first met Farbod at a bar. It wasn't long till Ally became distant and would some time make emotional stabs at me about weird things she'd never done before. Something was unusually off about her. I decided maybe Ally wasn't interested in being healthy and grounded and maybe wasn't the greatest friend and started wondering if I needed distance. Around that time I got an IM (of all things) from her saying that she had met Farbod and really liked him. Like a lot. (this is the same girl who gave me a key to her APT we were so close AND listened to me talk about the jerk ass things he had done to me for the past five months.) I absolutely lost it. Not only had I not met anyone else since his and my breakup, this girl who knew how much of an ass he was to me was giving into his charm without hesitation. She was also telling me on IM and it turns out a lot of the girls in our group had told her to let go while another (the other closest to me) was supporting it full throttle. I was hurt and felt betrayed, but not just by the fact she was falling in love with this guy, but specifically when I found out they'd been having sex for months and she'd never told me. The other girls knew this too. Let's put it this way, I know it's a free country and we should all move on, but Farbod strictly told our mutual guy friends they couldn't date me or he'd end their friendship and all of these girls knew he was still a sensitive subject for me. Not to mention had any of these girls been in my shoes, I know for a fact it wouldn't have flown either. Good friends don't just up and date your ex who's scars you're still recovering from. That is my philosophy at least. Because I was the nice one in the bunch, I think they all assumed I'd not make a scene. It was disgusting behavior on a lot of people's end. Eventually I confronted her about all her lies and she told me I was amazing but she had to see where this would go with him and that if I needed to call ahead to a party to see if they would be there together I could, and things of this nature. Awful! So I dismissed her from my life and they went on a couple dates. I later heard he broke up with her several times the first couple of months (his real ******* side was coming out) and she would be devestated but go back to him. Eventually she settled for a very private sort of dating thing in which he wouldn't talk to her in public, nor tell anyone they were dating, they wouldn't spend holidays together, or be seen in public together and that is still going on today (eight months later!) Apparently her friends hate him and say he has ruined her self worth. She can't let him go even though he treats her like air. All I can tell if they must hang out late at night and mostly sleep together but neither is seeing anyone else, really. I think it's insane A. That it ever happened B. It's made me strong as hell to have to deal with all this C. What could he possibly be thinking? Why would he be doing this still? D. Sometimes a small part of me still hates her deeply because of how much I loved him and that she could do this. The idea of him loving her just makes me feel so depressed—how could he have loved me AND love her who would hurt me so much? It's gross, I know. I just remind myself that anyone with a head on their shoulders would keep this whole mess out of mind because it's insane. He's a douche bag and she's got issues. I'm in a better place being far from both of them. Edited January 19, 2011 by djharris27
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