BrokenButHealing Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Okay, ..... So the one thing I want to know is why my husband thinks that as long as there isnt touching it is not cheating. The way I see it,.... If there is an emotional or physical conection made with another woman, and searching for that out side of the two people in the marriage,.. its cheating. It is always that he loves me, needs me to stay, cant live without me, and "she" was just a stupid mistake. Tell me why he has done it over a dozen times in our 9 year relationship, and twice in the year weve been married,.... I know, I know,... I must be the stupid one for marrying him, huh?
YellowShark Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 He sounds like a child in a man's body from what you post. (and a serial cheater) There are 2 types of cheating, emotional cheating and physical cheating. Emotional cheating is an affair of the heart. it's creating an "emotional triangle." It's when someone forms and emotional bond with someone outside the relationship. They are essentially removing emotion from your relationship and investing it in another relationship. Therefore your relationship suffers. Physical cheating is self-explanatory. If your husband is doing either BrokenButHealing he *is* cheating. The first thing that needs to be done is marriage counseling to try to figure out why he's cheating and how you both can fix it. Best of luck.
TaraMaiden Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Do it to me once, more fool you. Do it to me twice, more fool me. 9 times...? I don't know what that makes you. But something's not right, is it? So.......... You're kicking him out....... when, exactly?
Spark1111 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 How kind compassionate and forgiving ARE YOU? What consequences did he suffer for crossing thos boundaries time and time again?????? How much do you value YOURSELF??? Lay it on the line in clear no uncertain terms! Do this (list a, b, c, and d, again) and I leave for good. Then do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We all have exactly the relationship we deserve. Deserve more. And DO NOT tolerate less than that.
rowell2024 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I know, I know,... I must be the stupid one for marrying him, huh? Well there's certainly something you can do about that. Complete and total disrespect for you and your relationship. A serial cheater like him will never change. You have only one option and you already know what that is.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Okay, ..... So the one thing I want to know is why my husband thinks that as long as there isnt touching it is not cheating. The way I see it,.... If there is an emotional or physical conection made with another woman, and searching for that out side of the two people in the marriage,.. its cheating. It is always that he loves me, needs me to stay, cant live without me, and "she" was just a stupid mistake. Tell me why he has done it over a dozen times in our 9 year relationship, and twice in the year weve been married,.... I know, I know,... I must be the stupid one for marrying him, huh? What kind of emotional touching is he doing? I need more info to provide any kind of advice, but if it were a normal guy in his shoes... I'd say he loves you, but isn't very happy with you.
Brokenlady Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Are you familiar with the term "gaslighting"? That's what he's doing. He's telling you the sky isn't blue, that cheating isn't really cheating. And you seem to have bought into that, and are questioning yourself. Your gut istelling you the truth - he's getting emotional needs met outside the marriage with another woman - that's cheating any way you cut it. Incidentally, I was with a man for 4 years who only considered sex with orgasm cheating (for him of course - I couldn't LOOK at another guy). And then he said it wasn't cheating as long as there was no physical contact at all - he never did understand that knowing doing things that tore down our relationship was cheating. I argued constantly that what he was doing was cheating, but apparently he gave himself a free pass because he was doing it with an ex - the mother of his children. Bottom line - if you find that you have that sinking feeling in your gut and you're constantly having to explain common sense to someone, stop wasting your breath.
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