pgaye Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Hello all, I am a 32 year old male and I am looking for some advice. back in December of 2010 my girlfriend/wife and I started having a series of fights. She kept telling me that she was going to leave me. She would repeat this with every argument. until finally right before the new year i got tired of it and told her to get out of the house that we bought together. A little more history here, this very special lady and I had been together for 11 years up to this point. we have one child, our son who will be 5 years old very soon. we lived together for 8 of those eleven years. Honestly for many of those years we were together she tried to make me happy. it just never got there. I think what she didn't understand was that I was unhappy with me and not so much unhappy with her. I have never been a "people person" or a "happy type of person" I have always wanted to be that but it never came out. on rare occasion you will see me sneak a smile in. I didn't go out much or party a lot unless she wanted to. I am about to be 33 and she will be turning 30 this month. Early in our relationship we did everything to please one another. Birthdays, holidays, was all about us! Three years in was the first time I realized I was hopelessly in love with her and I asked her to marry me. She said no because she felt we were too young. (BTW we met dec 16 2000) the next time was in I think 2005 when we found that she was pregnant with our son. She said that she felt like it was not honest because I was under pressure. I have always been the bread winner for the household and the family. Somehow I have always felt that she had a problem with this. Even when we went to closing on the house that we bought she demanded that her name be on the deed even though my credit and income had everything covered. There was also a time when I got into this really great fortune 500 and was making a killing. She seemed to be jealous of my accomplishments! and didn't really support me. After sometime the job became over whelming and too much to handle with all the other stresses. she would call me at work and demand to talk to me and I would have to put her off till later. I mean i was always busy even when I was at home. The day I lost that job though she was very supportive when I called her to tell her what had happened. She told me "don't say anything, just grab your things and get out of there". While I was at that job almost everything was on me financially. Daycare, utilities, insurance for the expensive cars that I bought us both, all of that. Even though my work was a 90 minute commute away from the house. She insisted that i picked up and dropped off our son to day care. I ask her to drop my clothes off to the cleaners and she tells me do it yourself. Even with all that I constructed the life that I thought she wanted.....I helped her look good and elevated in front of her friends. I wanted her to be happy and have everything at her disposal that she wanted. Could it be that she was competing with me? In any case when she got a job that she really liked I took the low road and didn't support her on it. She seemed to not feel like she had a say if the money she put in was not equal to mine. Truthfully it rarely was, but I knew that she loved me and would do anything for me. So I always treated her like an equal until later in the relationship. Family: I have four older sisters who tormented this woman that I loved. I allowed them to do this to her. Rather I didn't stop it where I could have. I love my sisters and I always thought that they would only look out for my best. I didn't know that they were jealous and competing with my wife! Embarrassing her, making her feel uncomfortable! And after awhile I started telling them about the little things that annoyed me about her. They took it and ran with it. They put it in her face. They said things like I was more educated than her and that she would never measure up. Family always looked down on her and her family. She made an effort to be friends with my sisters but it just never worked. Neither she nor I understood what we do now, that is misery loves company. My sisters and her two sisters have horrible, broken love lives, fatherless children and poor living conditions. So upon me telling her to move, and rushing her to do so. She moved! Yes she was not bluffing after all. She moved to her uncle’s place about 30 minutes away from our house. 24 hours after she moved if that I started begging her to come back. Her answer since that time has been no. she has been getting my son on the weekends and I have been keeping him on weekdays and taking him to school. she came by one night to talk to my dad about the whole situation. He was having some success in talking her into coming back. I went into her cell phone when she was not aware and I found a text message from some guy. He called her baby in the message. So I started texting him from her phone as her. me "you won't believe it but her wants me back" him "who your ex?" me "Yes what do you think?" him " I don't know what do you think?" finally I confronted her about it. she said that this was a guy that she had just met about a month before. They had just been talking as friends and that nothing had happened. Well I had sent this guy my own phone number in one of the text messages. he called me we talked. We are something like friends now. It is apparently true that she never cheated on me. at least not with this guy. so that whole thing passed. But she was pissed and stormed out of the meeting with my dad, doh! I have talked to her uncle and he is trying to fix things. he would like to see us together. She is sticking to her decision. at first she said that she wanted to see me make some changes. she wanted to see me stop being abusive, and open up and be friendly with people. She wants to see me make an effort to be part of her family as well. So I put myself into counseling, I bought a beautiful engagement ring for her. but she did not accept. I made all the pleas and promises to her that I could. Nothing seems to be working. To be without her in my life hurts. To make things worse my pursuits of her seem to have hardened her stance and push her away. I feel like someone is advising her to not come back. She seems conflicted and confused. I am shaken to my core. The first two weeks I was useless, I was like a drug addict experiencing withdrawal symptoms. I realized that I loved this woman and was deeply emotionally attached to her! I noticed though that whenever she brings my son back from the weekend. She makes sure that we see each other. I noticed to that when she comes she wears exactly what she knows I have always liked to see her in. This past weekend I traveled to New York to have some fun and blow off some steam. Her sister was with her at the time and tells me that when she heard I went out of town she started crying and asking why I had to leave! What does this mean? Help me you all is she playing a game? Is she coming back? Even though she says she is moving on and is saying all these things to hurt me can she just stop loving me after all this time? She did say it took her 5 years to come to this decision. She is very convincing when she says that it is over. At this point I am ready to let her go. I told her and her uncle that at the meeting that we had last night. Is there any hope? All questions/ suggestions welcome! I would like to save my family. But at some point life goes on. Time will tell, it’s only been about three weeks. I have gotten to the point where I have stopped calling and texting her non-stop. The less I talk to her to more stable I seem to become. When she starts saying all that hurtful stuff about not coming back and all that I just breakdown again. Is there any hope?” HELP! [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
marqueemoon4 Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Yes, after all those years she can probably turn off her feelings for you. Truth is it could've been happening for awhile, unbeknownst to you. At this point, take a step back, don't contact her or you'll push her even further away. Women can be evil.. my ex sometimes wears an expensive bracelet I bought her when she picks up our son. Edited January 18, 2011 by marqueemoon4
Author pgaye Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 Thanks for responding. It hurts to come to the realization that she could have turned the feelings off. I suppose this is the way of these things sometimes. I am taking a step back. a lot of what she is doing seems to be vengeful. Honestly at this point I am getting angry a fed up with the whole situation. I don't want to talk to her. I want to work on me now and making me a better person. I have a son to look after and I will man up to that job. I'll give her all the time and space she needs. I just may not be here waiting for her if or when she decides to return.
Recommended Posts