integralForest Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I'm hoping to find some advice here, because I am completely stumped by this change in my relationship. Here's some background info.. My girlfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years, I'm 26 and she's 25. I'm a working professional, she's a graduate student / works part time and still lives with her parents. When we first got together, our relationship was very "hot and heavy" but as the years progressed, it cooled down a little. I know this is normal, and the sex and romance still persisted (although differently), so I wasn't too concerned. However, in the last eight months, the relationship as taken a dramatic decline. As her school work load has picked up and her graduation gets closer, she's gotten progressively more busy. She works the weekends and takes evening classes on weekdays. Now we see each other maybe once a week. Basically she is just too busy for us to get together. None the less, I call her every day, we hang out when we can. But the sex has stopped and when we see each other she acts increasingly more strange. When confronted about this behavior, she says that without regular face-to-face time, she can't feel "connected" to me. She also says she is too stressed to think about "us" right now. I talk to her for an hour a night, I surprise her with dinner or gifts, I bought us a gift coupon to a fancy resort / spa at the beach (although it remains unused). Nothing I do seems enough to make up for the "distance" between us. It's driving me crazy! Then about four months ago, she said she wanted to break up with me because she felt it wasn't fair to drag me through this... But after only a month, she called me up and begged for us to get back together again. Since then, I've been waiting for her to graduate before deciding the future of this relationship. My hope is that it would improve when her schedule changes. The truth is, I thought she was the one I would marry... we've talked about it many times. I've invited her to come live me free of charge and have offered to move closer to her school / family once my lease is up. But with our relationship declining so fast, I wonder if there will be anything left to salvage once her busy schedule resolves itself. I also wonder if I could truly spend the rest of my life with someone that completely emotionally / sexually shuts down when exposed to stress. I mean life is rarely ideal and we have to be adaptable, right? Am I right to feel disillusioned about this? I don't want to spend the rest of my 20s waiting around for something that won't turn out.
Nukulus Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I assume by when you say she is almost done that she'll graduate this May or August perhaps? If that's the case I would stick it out until then and see where it goes afterwards, only because 3.5 years is a huge amount of time to go to waste simply because she is busy. Any perhaps you should put yourself in her shoes with regards to your intmacy problems. When someone is that stressed: schoolwork, Thesis (maybe depending on her program), applying for jobs, still living at home, + a long term boyfriend---I would think it would be difficult for anyone to be in the mood with all that to worry about. Anyway, you've stuck it out this long what's a couple more months in the long run... especially if she might be the one. Just my 2 cents.
Recommended Posts