Chi townD Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 She's being smart about it. She didn't want to break it off with you then immediately throw it up there that she's in a new relationship, showing the world that she left you for this other dude. Thus making her look like the bad person here. Give it another month or two and she'll change it. After some time has went by.
marqueemoon4 Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 my wife who I'm pretty sure is living with another guy after 9mos of separation is saying the same thing.. "I'll talk to you when I'm ready". I really feel the need to have a REAL conversation with her, I don't know why because so much nastiness has happened between us and I've been a mess the last 6mos. I have a feeling our talk will be after she's filed divorce ppwk. At that point I'll have nothing to say to her.
Author JrRos Posted February 22, 2011 Author Posted February 22, 2011 She's being smart about it. She didn't want to break it off with you then immediately throw it up there that she's in a new relationship, showing the world that she left you for this other dude. Thus making her look like the bad person here. Give it another month or two and she'll change it. After some time has went by. Hmm I just have a feeling that something doesn't add up. When we last spoke she said she wanted to "give this [new guy] a try." We have one friend in common, and her co-workers/friends sympathize more with the other guy since he also works with her/them. So there's no real reason why she would want it on the DL. What happened is not a secret, to anyone. my wife who I'm pretty sure is living with another guy after 9mos of separation is saying the same thing.. "I'll talk to you when I'm ready". I really feel the need to have a REAL conversation with her, I don't know why because so much nastiness has happened between us and I've been a mess the last 6mos. I have a feeling our talk will be after she's filed divorce ppwk. At that point I'll have nothing to say to her. I waited for about a week and a half. I then confronted her. I couldn't continue the guessing game.
marqueemoon4 Posted February 23, 2011 Posted February 23, 2011 Hmm I just have a feeling that something doesn't add up. When we last spoke she said she wanted to "give this [new guy] a try." We have one friend in common, and her co-workers/friends sympathize more with the other guy since he also works with her/them. So there's no real reason why she would want it on the DL. What happened is not a secret, to anyone. I waited for about a week and a half. I then confronted her. I couldn't continue the guessing game. Yea, I'm not the type to ever say something like this... make someone wait when you know they're suffering. Its either a complete blowoff or control thing, both are not cool imho. So how did it go when you confronted her?
Author JrRos Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 Yea, I'm not the type to ever say something like this... make someone wait when you know they're suffering. Its either a complete blowoff or control thing, both are not cool imho. So how did it go when you confronted her? Well I already posted that. It happened about a little more than a month ago. Well she was very indifferent at first, but it seemed more forced than natural. We talked for about an hour and a half, maybe two. My conclusion is that she is fueled by her "anger" towards the way I was the past month than anything else. She seemed to want to convince herself that I cannot change or try to work our issues out. One of the funniest, well not funniest, but rather contradicting things she said was: "I love you, but I'm so angry at the way you treated me that it may take me 6 months or maybe a year to really get over it"... to which I replied: "... so you're with this new guy because you're mad at me?" I stopped "fighting" it. I stopped asking her to try again. She looked very emotionally driven. I said I wished things were different, wished her good luck, and said good-bye. The whole, why would she take all "our" stuff out yet not update anything else, thing has me thinking something is out of place.
Author JrRos Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 And so it seems I'm starting to feel somewhat depressed. I'm not enjoying practically anything I'm doing. It is only for spare moments that I don't think about my ex when I'm with friends or going out. I try, but is not really my thing. I'm not a club person. I'm a dinner and movie and talk person. I've gone out and every time I come home I want to punch me in the face for losing my girl. I can freaking believe how I threw something so good away. I really feel like a fool At the same time I want to be logical about the situation. I know my life isn't over and that someday sooner or later I will stop feeling like this. This has been a huge eye opener, but at the same time it has take my motivation from other things. I'm really have to motivation for anything at all. The more I try to forget the more I remember. Ugh, I hate this feeling. I really wished things would be different. I have kept NC, and it's driving me insane. Im not coping well with losing my ex.
BelieveInUs Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Time heals all wounds. Your pain will fade as time moves on. Do not worry. I think it time for you to move on. Do not try to erase her from you mind. It is the worst thing to do. All you have to do is just let the picture fade. You will be left with what looks like a negative. Hang in there. Before, you know it, you will find someone who shares your values. Take care. Sincerely, BelieveInUs One of the Man
Author JrRos Posted March 3, 2011 Author Posted March 3, 2011 Well it's almost two months now... For some reason I've been wanting to contact her now more than before. I'm once again over analyzing the last things we said to each other. Wondering if she wants to contact me, but due to her stubbornness she is reluctant to do so. I know it's all my "there's still a change" mind. Ugh! this feeling really sucks. Lately I've been dreaming with her very often. Which is new since as it hasn't happened till now. The thought of one of the last things she said to me keeps playing in my head. Just before I said bye to her and left, I said "I can't believe I lost you" to which she replied "You haven't lost me"... I should know it's just words and that she's is with someone else, but that wanting-to-get-back feeling is making me look a things for what they are not, with the hope that she's wanting to come back into my life. Sorry for the rant, but I really can't continue talking about her to friends lol
Author JrRos Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 Update. So, I broke NC. I texted her "I miss you." Later that night she texted me back saying she had seen me. We carried on a small conversation, just the "hey what's up?... how are you?... blah blah blah." She told me she was bowling. I didn't ask with who or anything else just kept it very casual. The next day I said "what's up?" to which she did not reply. Which leads me to believe that she could have been drunk since it was late Saturday night when we conversed. All in all, I don't feel like I'm at square one. I just wondered a little as to why she would reply then and not after, but honestly didn't give it much thought. On other news I now have a Yamaha R6... definitely makes me forget about anything
marqueemoon4 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Update. So, I broke NC. I texted her "I miss you." Later that night she texted me back saying she had seen me. We carried on a small conversation, just the "hey what's up?... how are you?... blah blah blah." She told me she was bowling. I didn't ask with who or anything else just kept it very casual. The next day I said "what's up?" to which she did not reply. Which leads me to believe that she could have been drunk since it was late Saturday night when we conversed. All in all, I don't feel like I'm at square one. I just wondered a little as to why she would reply then and not after, but honestly didn't give it much thought. On other news I now have a Yamaha R6... definitely makes me forget about anything nice, i had an 03 R6.. loved that bike. Eventually sold because I was getting serious about my gf who ended up being my wife! so, I'll talk to you when I'm ready? Yea, that means not anytime soon if ever.
2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Feel your pain mate I am in about 1 and a half month NC and a good few months since last seeing her. She was cold, hatred towards me and all the rest although we spoke online I could feel the air was very tense even though she wasn't physically there. I still have the anguish of it all festering in my mind but I can control it. The biggest thing by far and away and without shadow of a doubt that I think of is: What was it that really caused her to go cold and not want to talk and resolve things and what is she thinking now? Now I do not know what to think myself, I do sometimes want to contact but then I think of the healing process I have made during not speaking and that contacting would bring me back to square 1 possibly worse and I can do without that right now - or ever actually. I always think that if it's mean't to be, it will work out in the end. I wouldn't go contacting her at all now if I were you as she is just using you as a guilt cushion so do not let her do that, man up and let her stew in her juices. 2011
Author JrRos Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 nice, i had an 03 R6.. loved that bike. Eventually sold because I was getting serious about my gf who ended up being my wife! so, I'll talk to you when I'm ready? Yea, that means not anytime soon if ever. Sucks to hear you got rid of your bike. Matter of fact I was talking with some colleges today about how I rather have one now than later on in life when others would be involved i.e. kids, or wife. I'm really enjoying it. It's a blast and definitely something new for me. We (ex and I) had already spoken about "this." I was onto 2 months of NC. I just had that "what if" hunch and went with it. Like I said, I really don't feel at square one. I'm alright with the way things went. Feel your pain mate I am in about 1 and a half month NC and a good few months since last seeing her. She was cold, hatred towards me and all the rest although we spoke online I could feel the air was very tense even though she wasn't physically there. I still have the anguish of it all festering in my mind but I can control it. The biggest thing by far and away and without shadow of a doubt that I think of is: What was it that really caused her to go cold and not want to talk and resolve things and what is she thinking now? Now I do not know what to think myself, I do sometimes want to contact but then I think of the healing process I have made during not speaking and that contacting would bring me back to square 1 possibly worse and I can do without that right now - or ever actually. I always think that if it's mean't to be, it will work out in the end. I wouldn't go contacting her at all now if I were you as she is just using you as a guilt cushion so do not let her do that, man up and let her stew in her juices. 2011 Yep, definitely I'll stay away from any sort of contact with her. I have bigger goals in life.
Author JrRos Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 Since I have decided to keep this thread as a diary of some sort. I have to say that i have definitely started to let go of the feelings I had for my. I really feel like the feeling is dying more and more everyday. In other words I have really stop "sweating" her. I hope soon the feelings I have left for her die down completely
2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 You'll get feelings like that but beware because it comes back bad sometimes, I started getting that as well, i'm not trying to be pessimistic, after maybe a month or more you will start to really feel the NC sweat setting in but it's funny i've been VLC (more or less NC) for 4 months and I am starting to feel that I am coming out of it properly now. I spoke to her the other day after 1 and a half months NC but need to redouble my efforts for full NC now. It didn't hurt speaking and she was not angry and I was not an emotional wreck either. So just keep it up and try and drop off the face of the Earth, don't do VLC like I did just disappear altogether if practically possible. 2011
Author JrRos Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Well holy sh*t, just when it looked like all was said and done, there was a bit more to the story than i thought there was. So, we met up yesterday for coffee. After the regular "how are you?... how you been?... how's life?" bottom line is that she "misses me" and "wants to be with me" O_O She said everything I told her when I left turned out correct. She is trying to find me in this other dude ... blah blah blah blah... "can't stop thinking about" me. So I'm a bit in shock. I mean, I do want to try again and all. What do you guys say?
marqueemoon4 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 well its nice it seems the ball is back in your court. go with your instincts, and take its slow! don't show too much enthusiasm and be sure if you do end up dating her again to be clear about what your expectations are.
Author JrRos Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Well yeah I want to give it a shot. Let's hope things work out this time around
dng Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Well yeah I want to give it a shot. Let's hope things work out this time around There's a very fair chance that the minute you say OK let's give it a shot she'll turn around and go back to not being sure. She might also shuffle between you and the other guy who's probably dumped her now. Can you deal with all that uncertainty?
Author JrRos Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Hmmm as far as I know she dumped him. I would have to do some digging around and confirm. However, giving it another try does NOT mean I will jump in both feet in. We'll see how things go and take it from there. I grew a bit patient throughout this experience, and I have no rush. Also, we both said we wanted to be with each other. I did tell her that I always thought we deserved another shot. She seemed very incline to this same thought through the night.
Author JrRos Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Hmmm as far as I know she dumped him. I would have to do some digging around and confirm. However, giving it another try does NOT mean I will jump in both feet in. We'll see how things go and take it from there. I grew a bit patient throughout this experience, and I have no rush. Also, we both said we wanted to be with each other. I did tell her that I always thought we deserved another shot. She seemed very incline to this same thought throughout the night.
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