Mangomonkey Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Now dont get me wrong i dont think its okay to be violent period. I just noticed something interesting among friends and american culture in general. Speaking realistically there is domestic violence across the world everywhere but to me it seems like it is okay for women to hit their men. I dont think its okay for men to get violent with women but why is it okay for women to get violent with men? Speaking from a male point of view and rereading my question. I guess it would be a pride thing for guys. We would look like wimps if we complained that a girl beat us up. So i guess we suck it up and take abuse. Cause we are men. And we are suppose to be tough.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Any women who thinks she can bank on the idea that a non-violent man just will never hit a woman to the extent that she can get away with violence herself is going to have a rude awakening. A percentage of men might just put up with it but not this man. I have been hit and that is the wrong thing to have done because it sets a precedent from there forward. I just will not have a relationship where violence is part. So, one strike and it is over. And that one strike will be returned in kind. Word.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 It's never okay to hit your spouse, period. And if she hit me once, I'd be out. I don't tolerate that type of behavior. Physical abusive relationships should never happen.
Jazzari Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 It's never okay to hit your spouse, period. And if she hit me once, I'd be out. I don't tolerate that type of behavior. Physical abusive relationships should never happen. ^This. I wish more mother's would teach their daughters this. And I wish little girls would get in trouble for smacking boys on the playground. This needs to be taught early.
Cee Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 It's never okay to hit anyone- man, woman, child, animal. Nor is okay to be verbally abusive to anybody either. My mom hit and verbally abused me. She was a terrible rage-a-holic. I became verbally abusive (and rarely physically) as an adult. It is my greatest shame to admit that. Fortunately, I got help and decided never to have children. I want the cycle of violence to end with me. And I haven't raised my voice or hand to another living soul in 7 years.
sally4sara Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Cause we are men. And we are suppose to be tough. So we're talk about more than just a chummy pop on the arm I take it? Men. Yes you have more upper body muscle mass so the average male can hit harder than your average female. Yes, your average male is taller, and therefore has more leverage than your average female. And yes, testosterone makes your bones grow stronger during puberty than what takes place in women during puberty. But you lack a some layers of skin and feel pain easier than women. Your bones are still quite breakable. Your gender does not carry an obligation to be anyone's punching bag. So what if your pride will take a blow? Women had to take risks and deal with the consequences that came with trying to be seen as equals. If none of them had taken those risks, faced ridicule and resentment, I would not enjoy the freedoms available to me now. So men need to stop worrying about facing ridicule and resentment when dealing with an abusive woman. Its the only way this attitude about female on male violence will stop. Do it for your sons and grandsons if not yourself.
TaraMaiden Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Continuing from S4S's post - women very often resort to using weapons, or throwing things, and using verbal bullying too - precisely because they are physically less powerful. Being smacked on the head with a stiletto heel is every bit as painful as some injuries inflicted using hands or feet, I can tell you. I'm a woman, I abhor violence and find it completely unacceptable and intolerable, no matter who the perpetrator is. Self-defence is one thing. Wanton unprovoked violence, is quite another, and I don't care who does it. It's completely wrong, no argument.
zengirl Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Of course, it's not okay to hit anyone.* I do think there's a difference and escalation levels within abuse---all are equally wrong, but they would differ when it comes to litigation, not by gender, but by the result (i.e. a broken bone is worse than a bruise, etc, based on simply the legal definitions of things). But even verbal abuse should not be tolerated. (*This is all assuming we're not talking 'love' taps, of course, but actual hitting. A lot of couples, myself included, playfully tap each other---my BF and I both do that, but no one could mistake it for actual violence.)
Eddie Edirol Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Women who are that violent are only that way because the men before let them be that way. if any of those guys put their foot down (no pun intended) they would learn that they cant get away with it. You dont have to counter violence with violence, but like Muse says, you just bail out. I also heard that women who are violent like this just turn out that way because they are wanting someone to put them in their place, so they have boundaries and they want to be controlled.
sally4sara Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Women who are that violent are only that way because the men before let them be that way. if any of those guys put their foot down (no pun intended) they would learn that they cant get away with it. You dont have to counter violence with violence, but like Muse says, you just bail out. I also heard that women who are violent like this just turn out that way because they are wanting someone to put them in their place, so they have boundaries and they want to be controlled. Actually this is pretty off base. The instance of "wanting to be put in their place" is the rarity. Women are no more naturally prone to violence than men. Its about what tactics you learned about conflict resolution. Most violent people were victims of violence or witnessed violence in the home growing up. They are running on what they saw or had used against them to resolve conflict and get their way. They saw someone of significance in their life getting their way by resorting to violence or they were controlled by someone being violent to them. I use to be this way. I didn't crave being put in my place and it wasn't because some man let me get away with it. It was because when my step father, and then my own mother was upset, they lost control of their temper and resorted to violence against me. I did not learn to resolve conflict with discussion or boundaries, withdrawing from associations that caused me grief instead of getting physical. What it took was facing consequences of my actions. Being used for my violent tendencies to achieve great harm to others in a way I don't think I would have knowingly chose to be. I was deceived by some "friends" who knew I'd seek out the person they'd lied about and hurt them. It got really bad. I could have gone to jail. It woke me up to the fact that my own reactions still had me in the position as the one being controlled. Realizing that I was predictable in my violence. That cut a lot of it out of me. And then I was faced with being a mother and felt ice water go through my veins over the realization that I could easily BE just like my step father and mother to my own child. Its now almost 14 years later and I'm still very capable of harm, but I am the one in control of my temper and it only comes out for self defense and to protect my child. The cycle is broken and that shows how strong I am well more than my ability to cause physical harm ever did. Edited January 18, 2011 by sally4sara
Sanman Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Any women who thinks she can bank on the idea that a non-violent man just will never hit a woman to the extent that she can get away with violence herself is going to have a rude awakening. A percentage of men might just put up with it but not this man. I have been hit and that is the wrong thing to have done because it sets a precedent from there forward. I just will not have a relationship where violence is part. So, one strike and it is over. And that one strike will be returned in kind. Word. Agreed with this 100%. I actually had a gf that had a history of hitting her brothers, previous bfs, etc. I told her up front one hit and I am out permanently. I will not put myself in a position where I may snap and hit a woman. Nor will I stand for that kind of disrespect. Though she had many other issues and we eventually broke up, she never attempted to lay a hand on me. It helps that I am a pretty big guy and had the ability to pick her up and carry her around.
Woggle Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 It is not okay but we live in a culture that teaches women that men are garbage so who cares if they are abused. I was hit growing up constantly plus hit in my first marriage. I will never hit a woman but if my wife ever gets violent with me that is the end of the marriage.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 It is not okay but we live in a culture that teaches women that men are garbage so who cares if they are abused. I was hit growing up constantly plus hit in my first marriage. I will never hit a woman but if my wife ever gets violent with me that is the end of the marriage. My xW would get so violently angry that I would have to literally pin her down to keep her from striking me and smashing items. Fact is that young girls are not taught anger management. I used to come home from school and tell my shocked parents about a girl fight at school. The first few times they literally thought I was not telling the truth.
Woggle Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 My xW would get so violently angry that I would have to literally pin her down to keep her from striking me and smashing items. Fact is that young girls are not taught anger management. I used to come home from school and tell my shocked parents about a girl fight at school. The first few times they literally thought I was not telling the truth. There were times I would come home after I walked away from a fight and damn near the entire house would be destroyed. Women who act this way instead of being called out of control are considered to be strong and assertive women. I see some fights in the bars at the shore and the women involved have no impulse control whatsoever. They will get in a person's face, hit them, spit at them and everything else but let a man even yell back at them and all of sudden the tears come and they are a victim.
sally4sara Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 It is not okay but we live in a culture that teaches women that men are garbage so who cares if they are abused. I was hit growing up constantly plus hit in my first marriage. I will never hit a woman but if my wife ever gets violent with me that is the end of the marriage. Our culture does not tell women its cool to beat on men. Abusive families produce violent people who will beat on anyone to get their way in a conflict. Women who beat on men will just as likely beat on women they perceive to be a threat in a conflict. And our world culture teaches might makes right. So if a woman grows up witnessing or being a target of violence, she will be more likely to hit her SO because all relationships experience conflict. These people have been conditioned to fear. They fear conflict, feeling powerless, losing things they see as belonging to them. So that once they live with someone, in the moments of conflict, they will see being asked to leave and cool off as their territory being denied them. Their male mate raising his voice at her as the precursor to his fist - she will feel compelled to beat him to the punch and take the power position even if he has never hit her before. You should be able to identify with this. Your mother abused you because she experienced abuse and your gender gave her an excuse every time she lost control. You have admitted to feeling gratification in the past when a woman received poor treatment from a man. That you've not stepped to violence toward women is amazing to me.
Trust_Issues Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Now dont get me wrong i dont think its okay to be violent period. I just noticed something interesting among friends and american culture in general. Speaking realistically there is domestic violence across the world everywhere but to me it seems like it is okay for women to hit their men. I dont think its okay for men to get violent with women but why is it okay for women to get violent with men? Speaking from a male point of view and rereading my question. I guess it would be a pride thing for guys. We would look like wimps if we complained that a girl beat us up. So i guess we suck it up and take abuse. Cause we are men. And we are suppose to be tough. Speaking as someone who has been on both sides of this discussion I would say It is never ok to hit your mate...EVER. I was in a relationship where my partner was violent and he made me think that it was acceptable, as a result the next relationship I was in I found myself in a position where I ended up literally being backed into a corner and found myself lashing out and hitting my new partner. I am not a confrontational or violent person and I regret to this day that I ever raised a hand to him. I guess what I'm trying to say is we have to let other women know that it's NEVER ok to hit or be hit, I lost a wonderful guy that way Edited January 18, 2011 by Trust_Issues
Woggle Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I admit that I have felt that way in my darkest times but I know how wrong I was. Can you tell me with your past you have never had an evil smirk on your face when a man got screwed over? You have never felt glad that the shoe was on the other foot when a man was cheated on. There have never been moments even for a short while where you felt like this? If so then I give you a ton of credit for being a strong person. Our culture says it's cool because the misandrist wing of the feminist movement have promoted the idea that men deserve to be mistreated. If a man gets hit who cars because he is a man.
folieadeux Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 It's never acceptable to hit anyone, regardless of gender.
alphamale Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 if a woman was to throw the first punch then it gives the man the right to defend himself
sally4sara Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I admit that I have felt that way in my darkest times but I know how wrong I was. Can you tell me with your past you have never had an evil smirk on your face when a man got screwed over? You have never felt glad that the shoe was on the other foot when a man was cheated on. There have never been moments even for a short while where you felt like this? If so then I give you a ton of credit for being a strong person. Our culture says it's cool because the misandrist wing of the feminist movement have promoted the idea that men deserve to be mistreated. If a man gets hit who cars because he is a man. Even at my most vindictive, it wasn't about a gender thing. Perhaps if my mother had not also been abusive, that would have been an element. It was about people bigger than myself with imposing tendencies and cruel natures. The "friends" who used my violent tendencies back then always had some awful transgression they claimed the target was guilty of otherwise I would not have felt compelled. I had BFs back then, I never hit them even when arguing. They'd have had to try to put their hands on me first. The attitude of who cares if men get hit isn't perpetuated only by crazed women who have gravitated to the feminist movement. Men perpetuate it too by ridiculing weaker or more passive men who complain and don't respond with violence when pushed. What is their excuse? It sure isn't about feminism.
Surrealist Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Of course it's okay for women to hit men. Its against the law to hold women accountable for their actions. We have too many manginas running our countries.
Woggle Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Even at my most vindictive, it wasn't about a gender thing. Perhaps if my mother had not also been abusive, that would have been an element. It was about people bigger than myself with imposing tendencies and cruel natures. The "friends" who used my violent tendencies back then always had some awful transgression they claimed the target was guilty of otherwise I would not have felt compelled. I had BFs back then, I never hit them even when arguing. They'd have had to try to put their hands on me first. The attitude of who cares if men get hit isn't perpetuated only by crazed women who have gravitated to the feminist movement. Men perpetuate it too by ridiculing weaker or more passive men who complain and don't respond with violence when pushed. What is their excuse? It sure isn't about feminism. I am sure that the same sex parent being abusive had something to do with it. My father stood there and did nothing but he never actively abused me. He was just a doormat. Feminism in and of itself does not condone men being hit but the misandrist wing of the movement certainly. My mother used to watch the news and would laugh if there was news about a man being hurt or killed so do you think she would sympathy for a man being abused?
AverageJoe Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I am not a violent person, either. However, let me say this. If a women were to hit me, in a meaningful way with malice and violent intent. Especially if a weapon of some sort is involved. You better expect to get what is coming to you, to assume otherwise is naive. If it happend to me, I will knock those ****ing chiclets out. Followed by an immediate call to my attourney.
WTRanger Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 That fat, orange, troll named Amber on Teen Mom was taped punching her then fiance. She has been charged with 4 felonies, including battery and criminal neglect of a dependent (her child). She has just been given custody again of her child. Tell me, if that were the man, do you think he'd get custody again? You think he'd be allowed within 700 miles of the child? Read the article, then tell me if the courts view domestic violence as fair. http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/celebrity.news.gossip/12/29/teen.mom.reunited.ppl/index.html No man should ever hit a woman, but that doesn't give women something to hide behind while they smack the crap of the man.
brainygirl Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 No, it isn't ok to hit. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I DO think that female on male abuse may be less reported and taken less seriously, which is wrong. I know that when I was little my parents would get into knock down drag out fights, they'd both hit, throw furniture and objects, but my dad went to jail and my mom took us to a women's shelter. I know they were both equally guilty of violence towards each other. Other than not tolerating physical, emotional, or mental abuse and violence from any partner and not allowing such things to be ok for myself to do, I have no solution to the situation.
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