ech Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I have posted alot here and you all have been a great help! I have one more question. Been with him for 2 years, and I love him with all my heart. He says he wants to be with me forever, blah blah blah:) BUT he has not met ANY of my friends and he says they are not welcome in his house. He calls one a crackhead, and gets PISSED if I think about hanging out with her. And when we do get together for good, it will be in his town. (he has not been to mine) He says he has a "circle" and I am lucky to be in it. Not sure if he is "alienating" (sp) me or what he is trying to do. And NO I dont plan on putting up with it. I love my friends to. So I am confused is all.
oaks Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 So is your friend a crackhead? Is there some reason why your bf doesn't like her or your other friends if he hasn't met them? Why isn't he willing to meet them? I don't think I would be able to put up with someone trying to dictate who my friends should be for 2 days, let alone 2 years. Is he worth it?
baguette Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 So figure it out. If your friends are losers then you probably should stop hanging out with them. If they're decent people (they don't have to be Angels, mind you) then stop wasting time and lose the boyfriend. If someone I was with said something like that about my friends then I'd be hesitant to continue the relationship.
Author ech Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 No she's not a crackhead, she does dope though, and thats all he deals with all day. All my other friends are good **** though. I am not sure why he won't meet them. Everything is on his terms, always has been, where we eat, where we go, ect...So yes maybe I am a doormat and should re-asses this relationship.
phillyfan Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I have posted alot here and you all have been a great help! I have one more question. Been with him for 2 years, and I love him with all my heart. He says he wants to be with me forever, blah blah blah:) BUT he has not met ANY of my friends and he says they are not welcome in his house. He calls one a crackhead, and gets PISSED if I think about hanging out with her. And when we do get together for good, it will be in his town. (he has not been to mine) He says he has a "circle" and I am lucky to be in it. Not sure if he is "alienating" (sp) me or what he is trying to do. And NO I dont plan on putting up with it. I love my friends to. So I am confused is all. Man what a tool.
Kinder-Horror Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 How can he say one of your friends is a crackhead if he has never met any of your friends? The whole you being lucky to be in his circle is really annoying. Sounds like what my ex used to say. Though that doesn't mean his friends arent great. There has to be a reason he hates your friends without having met them... so come clean with the details.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 No she's not a crackhead, she does dope though How can he say one of your friends is a crackhead if he has never met any of your friends? Dopefiend... Crackhead... ect. These terms can be somewhat interchangeable. I can't speak to his other statments... but if she is friends with a drugee... I would not meet the others either.
Kinder-Horror Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Dopefiend... Crackhead... ect. These terms can be somewhat interchangeable. I can't speak to his other statments... but if she is friends with a drugee... I would not meet the others either. What I meant is that she said he hasn't met any of her friends... So has he met this girl? In which case he has met at least one of your friends - and i can completely understand why he wouldn't want to associate with someone who does drugs. And if he hasn't actually met her... well then you are marketing your friends horribly. (But honestly, I suppose)
mo mo Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 That whole "you're lucky to be in my circle" attitude is a giant red flag. He obviously wants to control your life because he thinks he is that much better than you. Can you live with that?
catgotyourtongue Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 That whole "you're lucky to be in my circle" attitude is a giant red flag. He obviously wants to control your life because he thinks he is that much better than you. Can you live with that? Agree with Mo Mo When I read your post it screamed "contol" issues. Also superiority. I would concern myself with the control part, it usually gets worse or could get worse if he is slowly or heavily trying to distance you from your friends and tell you that all you need are his friends. If he has legitimate concerns about all your friends, and you know they are decent and okay people, you have your answer. What does he know about them and why does he not want to meet them? Based on what you say or based on his assumptions? I personally do not deal with control well, and for me it's HUGE. I won't drop my friends for anything, they are high priority. Best of luck and just seek the truth out of the situation. 2 years and he has never been to your town, that would be another flag for sure. Relationships are give and take, and if you keep everything on his terms, now, and move to his town, it sure won't get easier....you know? I am not suggesting you do anything but talk to him, get more info, start asking for some things you need, like respect for your interests and friends, etc. a say in your plans, etc. RESPECT
SmileFace Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 No she's not a crackhead, she does dope though, and thats all he deals with all day. All my other friends are good **** though. I am not sure why he won't meet them. Everything is on his terms, always has been, where we eat, where we go, ect...So yes maybe I am a doormat and should re-asses this relationship. Wait, What? Well he has the nerve...
Angel1111 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 He's an abuser but you're just not seeing it yet. I'm going to take a stab here and say that he has a hot temper with other people, and probably even with you, and he is very controlling. It doesn't matter how much you love him - he will wreck your life if you ever marry him. No decent man would treat a woman the way your bf is treating you. You're playing with fire by staying with him and putting up with this nonsense. And don't try to reason with him - it's not possible. It's his way or the highway.
Author ech Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 Thank you everyone........no he hasnt met ANY of my friends. Not even the "doper" He only knows this of her cause it was brought up by me once in a conversation when he asked me if I ever did dope. I said awhile ago with her. I am not a doper now, and all my other friends are very decent. And when I say he "deals" with it thats cause hes an undercover cop. So he's a bit sensitive to it all. As far as an "abuser" I guess I never looked at it as going that far. It doesnt have a temper that I have seen. Well he did throw a door we were putting up last week, but that was the first I have seen anything. Wow you have given me alot to think about:) Thanks!
Angel1111 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 He's already abusing you by the way he treats you. No offense but if you had a high level of self-respect, you would've walked away from this guy a long time ago. Give him time and more and more of his true colors will come out. I'm afraid, though, that by then you'll be so lost you won't recognize yourself. I'd suggest that you never spend any time with a guy who thinks he's doing YOU a favor by allowing you into his life and circle of friends. I mean, could he be any more arrogant? I'd laugh in a guy's face who ever had the nerve to say that to me. Who is he - Tom Hanks? And even then, would it excuse that kind of attitude? I'd also suggest that you never put up with a man who puts your friends and family down, and who doesn't meet them. Forget about the druggie friend - what about the others? This is a classic maneuver by verbally abusive, controlling men - he wants to isolate you so that you depend on him and only him. He wants you to walk away from your support system so that he can dig his claws in deeper because these types of men thrive on the power of controlling another person. Don't say you weren't warned about him. Tread very carefully with this guy.
catgotyourtongue Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Thank you everyone........no he hasnt met ANY of my friends. Not even the "doper" He only knows this of her cause it was brought up by me once in a conversation when he asked me if I ever did dope. I said awhile ago with her. I am not a doper now, and all my other friends are very decent. And when I say he "deals" with it thats cause hes an undercover cop. So he's a bit sensitive to it all. As far as an "abuser" I guess I never looked at it as going that far. It doesnt have a temper that I have seen. Well he did throw a door we were putting up last week, but that was the first I have seen anything. Wow you have given me alot to think about:) Thanks! Well the fact that he is an undercover cop, makes sense. I mean if he does not want to meet a friend that smokes pot cause it puts him in an awkward spot, that is one thing. I could see his reservations, BUT to not meet any of them, and judge them all as unworthy, not good. I still hold to what I originally posted. There are a lot of warning signs, flags here in how he wants to control things. I don't know him or what you share, or if he thinks he is protecting you and helping you build a better life, but I think before you decide if this is the GUY for you, you see if he is willing to be part of your life, too, not just in his.... ((hugs))
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