Truly Lost Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I met this guy online back in July 2010. We dated and it seemed like it was going well. We had sex after about a week or so. It was very awkward, but I was still interested in him because we connected really well when talking and I thought perhaps the awkwardness was because we were very new to each other and just needed time to get to know one another. During the following week he didn't call me. Huh?? We had made plans that weekend so I thought I would wait it out. Well he did call, as promised, but he cancelled because he was going to stay home and get drunk with his dad. I was pretty disappointed and well that wasn't a very good reason, but I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt. In between that time we had a few phone conversations that would last hours (I'm talking like 5 or 6 hours). So we proceeded to make plans for next weekend. Well the next weekend comes and again he cancels on me to get drunk at home. Again I'm very disappointed. He calls me the next day and we again talk for several hours and even meet up for another several hours. In this time, he then tells me that he plans to move about 2 hours away for a work opportunity. At this point I was really discouraged at the obvious disinterest he seems to have towards developing any kind of relationship with me potentially. He mentioned nothing of me being apart of his future plans. Not to saying he has to, but this is a sign...right?? I was really confused and wondering what our conversations are leading to....nothing??? I understand people get lonely for a person to talk to, but I met him on a dating website and I'm not really interested in making "just a friend". So after further thought I came to the conclusion that this wasn't going to work for me. I gave him a chance and wasn't feeling the interest that I thought I should be feeling, so I emailed him and told him that he was a nice guy and it was a pleasure meeting him, but this isn't working for me (I said more, but nothing significant). Well he emailed back the next morning completely confused by my email, but he wasn't going to fight me on it, but that he disagreed. He also called me and we spoke. I told him that I didn't think he was ready for me because he intends to move away and that he has all these other issues that seem to take a great deal or precedence over dating me. He didn't disagree and we went our seperate ways. Ok...so later down the road....We are friends on Facebook and he would still stay in contact with me periodically. He would even post to me publically that he thinks I look "Hottttttt" in my profile pic. So of course I thought he was still interested in me. It made me happy:D. So he did, in fact, move that 2 hours away. He contacted me randomly one evening to extend an invitation for me to come out and visit. I was so excited by this because I never stopped liking him....I just thought our timing was off. The distance is a challenge, but I'm willing to work around that if he is serious about me. I called him back that weekend just to chat. We were both drinking while talking with each other...bad idea!!! Our conversation went really well for about 2 or 3 hours, but then the subject came up about seeing each other again. He was all about it...but I was still confused about how seriously I should take this so I asked him...very squimishly..."So does that mean I can call you my boyfriend??" He said very definitively, "NO!!"...."I need to get to know you better before we can do that!!" The way he answered was very quick and abrupt...I got really offended and blew up. I didn't want to agree to be in a FWB relationship. I understand that he didn't want to commit to me by calling me his girlfriend, but I didn't hold to much weight to this questionable commitment. I just wanted to know that he was definately interested in me. I'm not so sure anymore that he really was. Well I told him to forget it and that I don't agree to being intimate with someone who doesn't consider me someone they would like to try to, possibly, build a future with. We argued a bit further, but I hung up on him because he was just annoying me with his response, which sounded likely that he didn't want anything from me seriously. The situation makes me sad because I still really do like him. But after that fiasco...I have no doubt that we will never talk again. I guess my question to everyone here is....Do you guys think he really wasn't that into me?
julianthebest611 Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Yeah, he ain't worth it. A relationship is not that important if y'all had sex early. It happened to me once and I hope it was the last time.
Star Gazer Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I think you slept with him too soon, and asked to be his girlfriend too soon, both for different reasons. But to answer your question, yes. He's not interested in the same thing you are.
tigressA Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Let me get this straight. You had sex after meeting up only a handful of times; you met up only once after that but had some long conversations..and you honestly expected this guy to agree to call you his girlfriend? Methinks you pushed way too hard and way too fast. But that doesn't matter, since it's clear from his having canceled on you twice in a row for the same lame reason that he really isn't interested in having a relationship with you. Those conversations and the disagreement he voiced with regard to your e-mail are just tactics to keep you on the hook for a sometime lay whenever he gets bored and he has no other options.
Author Truly Lost Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 Hmmm...I don't think sex really had too much to do with what happened between us. He never really tried to hook up with me in that way. Honestly, when we had sex that night, it was my idea and he told me that we don't have to have sex because it wasn't what he was after. However, he said if I want to he won't tell me no. So I hesitated and the subject was dropped for a little bit. Then later in the evening I told him if he still wanted to, I would be ok with it. So we did. What made the sex awkward was the lack of passion he had with me. I kinda felt like I was the only person in the room. I almost wanted to ask him if he has ever had sex before (of course I knew he had). I think he just wasn't really feeling a physical connection with me. I think the spark wasn't there for him. Or perhaps he is someone that has to feel a intense bond before he will date someone seriously. He said he has been single for 4 years now and has passed up a few prospects for various reasons. But I do agree with TigressA....I think he was trying to keep me around for those times when he has nothing better going on. That makes me sad and feel really rejected. I'm not one to force a relationship with anyone, but it was really necessary for me to ask him about the boyfriend/girlfriend thing because his response really helped me put things in perspective.
Gypsy_Soul Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I met this guy online back in July 2010. We dated and it seemed like it was going well. We had sex after about a week or so. It was very awkward, but I was still interested in him because we connected really well when talking and I thought perhaps the awkwardness was because we were very new to each other and just needed time to get to know one another. During the following week he didn't call me. Huh?? We had made plans that weekend so I thought I would wait it out. Well he did call, as promised, but he cancelled because he was going to stay home and get drunk with his dad. I was pretty disappointed and well that wasn't a very good reason, but I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt. In between that time we had a few phone conversations that would last hours (I'm talking like 5 or 6 hours). So we proceeded to make plans for next weekend. Well the next weekend comes and again he cancels on me to get drunk at home. Again I'm very disappointed. He calls me the next day and we again talk for several hours and even meet up for another several hours. In this time, he then tells me that he plans to move about 2 hours away for a work opportunity. At this point I was really discouraged at the obvious disinterest he seems to have towards developing any kind of relationship with me potentially. He mentioned nothing of me being apart of his future plans. Not to saying he has to, but this is a sign...right?? I was really confused and wondering what our conversations are leading to....nothing??? I understand people get lonely for a person to talk to, but I met him on a dating website and I'm not really interested in making "just a friend". So after further thought I came to the conclusion that this wasn't going to work for me. I gave him a chance and wasn't feeling the interest that I thought I should be feeling, so I emailed him and told him that he was a nice guy and it was a pleasure meeting him, but this isn't working for me (I said more, but nothing significant). Well he emailed back the next morning completely confused by my email, but he wasn't going to fight me on it, but that he disagreed. He also called me and we spoke. I told him that I didn't think he was ready for me because he intends to move away and that he has all these other issues that seem to take a great deal or precedence over dating me. He didn't disagree and we went our seperate ways. Ok...so later down the road....We are friends on Facebook and he would still stay in contact with me periodically. He would even post to me publically that he thinks I look "Hottttttt" in my profile pic. So of course I thought he was still interested in me. It made me happy:D. So he did, in fact, move that 2 hours away. He contacted me randomly one evening to extend an invitation for me to come out and visit. I was so excited by this because I never stopped liking him....I just thought our timing was off. The distance is a challenge, but I'm willing to work around that if he is serious about me. I called him back that weekend just to chat. We were both drinking while talking with each other...bad idea!!! Our conversation went really well for about 2 or 3 hours, but then the subject came up about seeing each other again. He was all about it...but I was still confused about how seriously I should take this so I asked him...very squimishly..."So does that mean I can call you my boyfriend??" He said very definitively, "NO!!"...."I need to get to know you better before we can do that!!" The way he answered was very quick and abrupt...I got really offended and blew up. I didn't want to agree to be in a FWB relationship. I understand that he didn't want to commit to me by calling me his girlfriend, but I didn't hold to much weight to this questionable commitment. I just wanted to know that he was definately interested in me. I'm not so sure anymore that he really was. Well I told him to forget it and that I don't agree to being intimate with someone who doesn't consider me someone they would like to try to, possibly, build a future with. We argued a bit further, but I hung up on him because he was just annoying me with his response, which sounded likely that he didn't want anything from me seriously. The situation makes me sad because I still really do like him. But after that fiasco...I have no doubt that we will never talk again. I guess my question to everyone here is....Do you guys think he really wasn't that into me? :rolleyes:He should have said this before you two had sex! How convenient.
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