funinTibet Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Things have not turned out as hoped, and you are frustrated, weary, and sad. How do you deal with these emotions and move on with life?
blover Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 if you find out, let me know too..i am going through the same and could use help
chuzzbug Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 The only thing that is keeping me going is trusting other when they say that these feelings will eventually pass. Honestly, I can't say I believe them, but I force myself to. I'm not living for today, but for the hope of a day which isn't like today. It won't be tomorrow, but eventually it will come. It better.
0hpenelope Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Things have not turned out as hoped, and you are frustrated, weary, and sad. How do you deal with these emotions and move on with life? I tell myself everyday "Penny, stop thinking of him. He doesn't care about you anymore. He doesn't think of you, he doesn't care. You may as well be dead to him. No, he doesn't miss you; stop expecting a phone call that will never come. He will never come back." Telling myself that hurt a lot at first. Each day that passes, though, makes it easier for me to believe and I'm starting to believe them more & more now. Love is tough, too. I love me and I gotta be tough on myself in this situation.
shayan Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) ha, you'll look back at this post in maybe a couple of months, a year, etc. And be like seriously, seriously I was that sad over that... Seriously and then you'll be like yeah I guess I was. But here is what helped me, focusing on improving myself, meeting new girls, meeting new people in general, dating crying if nessecary, allowing myself to mourn and not suppressing emotions, doing everything I could to get my mind off of the past and the break up, occupy yourself keep yourself as busy as possible. let it inspire you to become something awesome. Edited January 18, 2011 by shayan
screwball Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Things have not turned out as hoped, and you are frustrated, weary, and sad. How do you deal with these emotions and move on with life? I realized a few things that helped me immensely: 1. All relationships (friends, lovers, whatever) are finite. They will all end eventually and you have to appreciate them for the fun that you've had and the growth that you experienced as a person 2. When you let people in your life, you're letting them in for a purpose. And they're letting you in for a purpose as well. Once that purpose is over, sometimes the relationships don't work out or they fundamentally change. And that's ok. My ex had the purpose of giving me a real long term relationship and showing me that I can make commitments. Through leaving they had the purpose of teaching me how to be happy and healthy in a long term relationship and reminded me to never put aside my 'single life' goals and aspirations when I enter another relationship. I no longer look on her leaving as a failure of me. She served her purpose in my life and I served my purpose in hers. The relationship between us has fundamentally changed and that's ok. I look back on it and I'm happy thinking about everything that was fun and good between us. I'm glad I've experienced all of it and grew as a person.
Lemontang Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Buy a motorbike...well at least that's what I did when I returned the engagement ring ;P. Different strokes for different folks I guess. You'll eventually find yours. I don't know what it was but almost a year on I still get giddy when I'm on the hwy and I get to pump the throttle and really fang that thing. When I do that I don't have a care in the world, it's like my off switch. If anything it's not only become my coping mechanism but a way to remind me that I am my own person and I choose how my life will be lead.
J0N Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I'm having a tough time with the knowledge that I was jettisoned and she literally cares so little that she hasn't looked back or reached out even once. Maybe I am still in denial, thinking that she might come back. I know she won't though
Kansas Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I tell myself everyday "Penny, stop thinking of him. He doesn't care about you anymore. He doesn't think of you, he doesn't care. You may as well be dead to him. No, he doesn't miss you; stop expecting a phone call that will never come. He will never come back." I do the same thing that Penelope does - it's not easy, but I consider it 'tough love' for myself. I can sit there beating myself wondering what I did wrong, or what I could of done different, or if I only said or did this or that ... Oh, I could drive myself crazy for hours. The reality is I did EVERYTHING I knew how to do in order to be with him. There is NOTHING more I could of said or could of done. And the reality is, he made a choice to not be with me. And when I tell myself the truth about the situation, it's hard, but in a weird and twisted way it makes me feel stronger to know that he's not sitting there wallowing - he's dating other people and living his life. He's not giving me a second thought. He's being absolutely selfish and is doing what is best for him. Then I feel really dumb for wasting time crying on the couch (oh don't get me wrong - I have many of those moments) over him. I remember that while I'm here depressed and moping, he's moving forward on what feels like the pain and suffering he's caused me and is not even giving it a second thought. Maybe it's the anger that's pushing me forward. It's never easy, but I'm taking it one day at time and some days I'm stronger than others, but despite all the hurt, anger and resentment I feel, I know that everyday I'm making progress - even if it's a wee tiny little bit at a time. It's like someone else said on this forum, that in the end, we end up being the stronger ones because we grieve and we face all of the pain head on, while they bury it. It may feel like I'm crawling through **** with my mouth open right now, but I know the day will come when this whole thing will have no power over me.
GoingInsane Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Slowly, slowly things start to get better. Then you have a weak moment and dwell, or obsess about what they're doing, who they're with, how they don't ever think of you, when it started going wrong etc and the pain comes back. I'm hoping that eventually you realise that dwelling and obsessing just brings YOU pain and you stop. But I'm not there yet. I'm scared that I might think I've moved on, then one day a few months from now I will see her again (she lives close, works for the same company but in a different building) and the whole thing will start again. I'm not sure I could cope with that.
0hpenelope Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Slowly, slowly things start to get better. Then you have a weak moment and dwell, or obsess about what they're doing, who they're with, how they don't ever think of you, when it started going wrong etc and the pain comes back. I'm hoping that eventually you realise that dwelling and obsessing just brings YOU pain and you stop. But I'm not there yet. You know, I've NO idea why, but I didn't go through the "Gee, I wonder what ex is doing now" phase. I struggle with knowing that he's not a part of my life anymore, he's never coming back, and there are no more phone calls, which lets me know that I still care about him. Then, my script kicks in. "Penny, stop thinking of him. He doesn't care about you anymore. He doesn't think of you, he doesn't care. You may as well be dead to him. No, he doesn't miss you; stop expecting a phone call that will never come. He will never come back." I don't want to care anymore. I don't, I don't. I want that for myself so badly right now and I'm putting in a LOT of effort to make it happen. You have to give yourself credit here. If you know you've moved on, believe it. Don't anticipate seeing the ex, just take the event for what it is when you do, and get back to your own life. They chose to walk out on us, so they should just keep leaving us alone.
Questionis Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Things have not turned out as hoped, and you are frustrated, weary, and sad. How do you deal with these emotions and move on with life?You need a multitude of ways to deal with these feelings Distraction challenge grieving Distract yourself by keeping busy going out with friends to places he will not be. Give yourself new challenges take up a sport or anything else you have always wanted to do Cry when you need to.
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