isdn00789 Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I just turned 22, and it has now been more than 3 years since I've even been on a date. Lots of things have contributed to this fact (my shyness, my pickiness, a lack of girls in my classes in college, etc.). Now I work for a small company as a software developer, so I have virtually no contact with new people through work, and all the women/girls at work are either married, significantly older than me, or both. I've had a profile on OkCupid.com for something close to 2 years, and so far nothing has come of it. I still actively use it out of hopes that I'll actually meet someone. Basically what I'm trying to say is that it seems like all the situations where people are more easily approachable (work, classes, and the internet) are not really available/working for me. Because of my shyness, this is a problem. Approaching someone at the store, on the street, or some other similar situation is just not a very realistic goal for me at this point in time. Unfortunately it's really he only option I have. Recently I've been trying to force myself to go out more often since it is really the only option I have left for meeting people. I don't drink, so I don't go to bars or clubs. Mostly I just go out to eat. I've noticed a girl at one of the local Qdoba restaurants, but I have no idea how to actually strike up a conversation with her that could lead to anything more than me getting food. =/ Not that it really matters, but for those of you not familiar with Qdoba, it is a nicer fast-food restaurant. I feel ridiculous asking this question, and suspect I won't get much real advice, but: What kind of things should I try to talk to this girl about? Whatever it is, it has to be very brief. Maybe after she recognizes me I could give her one of my business cards with my personal information? Is that an acceptable thing to do? Would any girl actually call me back if I did that? Asking for her phone number while she is working doesn't seem like the best idea either. I have one female friend who is not shy, and is all about finding a girlfriend for me... Should I just try to get myself to enlist her help? Thanks to anyone has advice to share.
baguette Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Don't over think it. Next time you bump into her say something simple like, "Hey I've noticed you working here pretty often, my name's John (shake her hand)," and go from there... At that point you can ask her something like if she grew up in your town, if she goes to a nearby school etc.. basically talk about anything that helps her see you're not a weirdo. Content doesn't matter so much as just being able to carry a conversation. Do not just leave her your business card. Most girls are either too shy or don't need to chase guys, so just be straight up and ask her for her number to go out for some coffee some time. Shoot her a text after you get it so she has the chance to reply to you. Anyway, this is how I would approach it.
Allisha Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Baring in mind this girl probably gets ALOT of guys chatting her up, you have to be a catch for sure to get her attention. Just be yourself, natural and don't try too hard.
Confusedalways Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) I just turned 22, and it has now been more than 3 years since I've even been on a date. Lots of things have contributed to this fact (my shyness, my pickiness, a lack of girls in my classes in college, etc.). Now I work for a small company as a software developer, so I have virtually no contact with new people through work, and all the women/girls at work are either married, significantly older than me, or both. I've had a profile on OkCupid.com for something close to 2 years, and so far nothing has come of it. I still actively use it out of hopes that I'll actually meet someone. Basically what I'm trying to say is that it seems like all the situations where people are more easily approachable (work, classes, and the internet) are not really available/working for me. Because of my shyness, this is a problem. Approaching someone at the store, on the street, or some other similar situation is just not a very realistic goal for me at this point in time. Unfortunately it's really he only option I have. Recently I've been trying to force myself to go out more often since it is really the only option I have left for meeting people. I don't drink, so I don't go to bars or clubs. Mostly I just go out to eat. I've noticed a girl at one of the local Qdoba restaurants, but I have no idea how to actually strike up a conversation with her that could lead to anything more than me getting food. =/ Not that it really matters, but for those of you not familiar with Qdoba, it is a nicer fast-food restaurant. I feel ridiculous asking this question, and suspect I won't get much real advice, but: What kind of things should I try to talk to this girl about? Whatever it is, it has to be very brief. Maybe after she recognizes me I could give her one of my business cards with my personal information? Is that an acceptable thing to do? Would any girl actually call me back if I did that? Asking for her phone number while she is working doesn't seem like the best idea either. I have one female friend who is not shy, and is all about finding a girlfriend for me... Should I just try to get myself to enlist her help? Thanks to anyone has advice to share. You need to build up your repertoire. As another poster suggested, its very easy to just simple to introduce yourself. Take things from the environment (so did you get caught in that snow storm this morning? so I have to ask, what's your favorite thing on the menu?) Anything, really. Just get a dialogue rolling and soon you'll be on a friendly basis. Do NOT leave a business card- that is tacky and reeks of insecurity. Girls over analyze. If someone gave me a business card i'd think to myself "was he just talking to me to get my business?" or "I guess he isn't interested and is trying to network with me." I definitely would NOT think you had romantic intentions. Fake it til you make it. Play the part of a confident guy, just for the 5 or 10 minutes you see her every day. Promise yourself to just say one confident statement every time you see her. I'm not sure how you would enlist your female friend- but I'm not really sure of a tactful way you can handle that. You're kind of on your own. edit: And definitely do not bring the female friend into the store with you! The girl you're interested in will definitely think you're together. Edited January 18, 2011 by Confusedalways
Star Gazer Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Try and enjoy the experience of chasing a girl you like. Chat a little and then ask her out. Don’t worry about the results, enjoy your interaction regardless. Enjoy the here and now because the past and future are all in the mind. This sounds a little corny to me, but I really like it!!
baguette Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 This sounds a little corny to me, but I really like it!! Agreed!! Also to the OP.. don't forget that rejection is part of the game.. so welcome it and let it build your confidence.
tb24 Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 You're over thinking the entire situation and thinking too far ahead. Move your goalposts. 1) Approach her, another girl, anyone really with no expectations. If you approach her and it goes badly, it's still a success because you've pushed your boundaries. This is your primary goal, not to get her phone number a date/etc. If you do this, it will be easier with the next girl... 2) Obsessing over one girl you don't know is not a good idea. Ok we're all guilty of it, but realise that it's a numbers game, a lot of girls have boyfriends. She'll get hit on all the time as a waitress, might be having a bad day, etc.
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