Had EA with Married highschool sweetheart

[dont-be-naive]

He got me to send nude photos of myself to him. Read carefully....this is where the butterfly feeling, magic fantasy ends. I developed low self esteem and was more confused and weak than ever. I became very depressed and ashamed. He wasn't the guy that respected me anymore, I was side trash to him.

 

aside from getting you to send nude pics of yourself to him behind your husbands back, what is to be respected about a woman who is disrespecting her husband?

 

 

Please be careful. Brian asked all the right questions intellectually and got me to trust him. He lied.

 

and because you are doing this behind your H's back, you are a liar as well. So you can't claim the high road here.

 

 

I got caught up in a mess with Brian.What started as an innocent reconnection was his self serving sexual conquest plan. Just wanted to share. Take care, Karen.

 

ah, so all of this and absolutely NO mention of how you betrayed your husband.

 

So since he is that insignificant to you, why don't you file for divorce?

[dont-be-naive]

Thank you BB07. I am currently working on me right now. I told my husband everything. You know, before Brian reconnected with me I would have never cheated/had an affair with anyone and never had.

 

ok, you make no mention of being separated in your first post, now you do. But saying that you don't think you would have ever cheated or had an affair doesn't coincide with being seperated. Most people here think being seperated gives them a green light to do whoever, whenever.

 

Why did you feel the need to tell your husband if you are seperated? I don't buy the separated biz. I think you threw that in to head off any responses after the fact.

 

 

I am still separated and still moving forward on the path I was on before Brian contacted me.

 

which is where? getting a divorce?

 

if so, thats the right path. so your husband, separated or not, can find someone else.

[What_Next]

Karen, good for you for telling your H. You mentioned you are seperated, is he going to divorce you?

 

You seems like a genuine person. I applaud you for telling your story. You would be coddled here you'll get it with both barrels from some. I'm not one. I won't condemn you. You understand what you have done.

 

I also believe his wife need to know. In my case my wife cheated with a single person. If he had a wife I'd have told her.

[YellowShark]

Facebook is by far not the cause of this, it's the lack of healthy boundaries and personal responsibilty. Period.

 

Agreed. What I am saying is Facebook is a conduit, a facilitator. It provides an easy and free opportunity/tool to cheat with a few simple keystrokes.

 

...I wish my wife had done the same. She was befriended by an old boyfriend from high school... But SOMEWHERE along the line, it turned into chatting, then escalated to hours and hours of phone calls, 7 days a week, and the EA was in full swing. She even created a secret facebook account under a fake name linked to her work email, with only him on her friends list.

 

And that's the progression. People are naturally curious about old friends and old flames. I dig that. But when they would normally not cross paths with old flames again they can easily do it now using a tool called Facebook. And then that "reconnection" that-should-have-never-been becomes a reality. They loose themselves in a fantasy. Then the parties involved rationalize a hundred ways to sunday why "it was meant to be" when it really wasn't.

 

Yes YellowShark Facebook does make it way too easy! I prefer a phone conversation actually as I feel it is a more personal and effective way of communication. I don't use Facebook that much, I filter what I share.

 

IMHO if you aren’t good enough friends to call someone on the phone, then they really arent "a friend."

 

But Facebook does make it way to easy to fall into a trap that one should have never fallen into. It creates an opportunity that never existed before.. from the comfort of your own couch! It is poison for relationships, it DOES affect personal relationships. Your's is a perfect example.

 

{rant on}

 

I am not on Facebook folks because REAL MEN™ DON'T FACEBOOK! I am not a silly teenager, nor am I a 17-year-old girl, I am a grown man! I don't need virtual relationships, I don't need to "tag" people in photos or to "Superpoke" people. I've evolved way past all that. Additionally I can't trust Facebook's technical competence to make sure my personal data isn't hijacked. No one can. Everything online can be hacked or hijacked. So why put my entire life out there on Facebook's servers and risk it? Seems utterly reckless.

 

I mean really, what's happened to grown men these days? Can you see Steve McQueen posting what kind of toothpaste he likes? Or how about Humphrey Bogart pining over Ilsa's Facebook photos cuz she left him for Victor Laszlo? Gosh, I can just see John Wayne lamenting over status updates and "fun walling" people. GAWD...

 

If I was a grown woman and interested in a man over 30 who was on Facebook or trolling Facebook for old flames I would:

 

A) question his maturity,

B) consider him pathetic, and

C) realize he's really a douche.

 

...but that's just me.

 

{rant off}

Edited January 18, 2011 by YellowShark

[whammy]

I am a MW of 7 years & want to share my experience of an EA with my married (high school sweetheart). I will call him Brian. 7 months ago Brian reconnected with me on facebook. I was estatic. We dated when I was 14-16. We never had sex, and the young relationship was great. We were best friends. I was raped at age 12, and this particular relationship with Brian was one I always remembered as a positive experience. He respected me and cared for me. For 7 months, first Brian chatted with me non-stop on Facebook, catching up with me. He said all the right things. then he eventually asked me to call him on his cell phone, and thatb led to non-stop texting, then sexting, then he had me hooked. He got me to send nude photos of myself to him. Read carefully....this is where the butterfly feeling, magic fantasy ends. I developed low self esteem and was more confused and weak than ever. I became very depressed and ashamed. He wasn't the guy that respected me anymore, I was side trash to him. Please be careful. Brian asked all the right questions intellectually and got me to trust him. He lied. I got caught up in a mess with Brian.What started as an innocent reconnection was his self serving sexual conquest plan. Just wanted to share. Take care, Karen.

 

I don't get it....your married and you cant resist the facebook seduction from a guy you dated when you were 14?

 

I dated girl in college that, out the blue, just turned cold on me. After a few weeks of the drama that created...I found out she ran into, the guy she dated as a freshman in high school, at walmart. and ofcourse, "all these confusing feelings just rushed back." She asked if we could take a break, so I just broke up with her. And of course, she tried getting back with me when she found out that the guy is as lame as he always was.

 

woman need to ask themselves one question before they get married. Is there any man, past or present, that I would be with if he asked me besides the man Im about to marry? as a matter of fact all women should ask themselves this before that date anyone new. whats the point of dating and meeting new people if your not over you ex.

[Goldenspoon]

Goldenspoon, I have thought of that, but I also try to put myself in anothers shoes. Brian has taken his wife and kids to my place of work. He texted me non-stop in front of his wife, and even would allow me to stay there with his family. I truely belive that there are more problems in Brian's marriage than one can count. I believe he is controlling, inconsiderate, and possibly a serial internet sex/chatter. I've considered telling his wife, but I feel sorry for her and pity Brian. I think his wife has low self-esteem. I think she will eventually (find out) through another source of infidelity. I was the one that ended all contact with brian. It was my first and biggest step to getting my life back. You have no idea how much better off I am without that mess in my life.

 

 

Oh, okay. So, you're just going to hit and run?

[michelangelo]

Whatever this guy from your teen years did trying to seduce you is kind of irrelevant. You own personal responsibility for everything you do.

 

Nobody makes you send naughty photos or salacious messages with another person. You decided to do that--period.

 

You cannot blame shift this responsibility to this guy.

 

Whether or not you are married, separated, a single woman, you are an adult. Your actions unless forced are yours alone.

[whammy]

Thank you BB07. I am currently working on me right now. I told my husband everything. You know, before Brian reconnected with me I would have never cheated/had an affair with anyone and never had. It's completely out of my character. The fact that Brian was already an important friend from my past, made it easy for him to take advantage of me for he knew a 14 year old insecure girl. Quite simply, he asked all the right questions, listened, praised, and stayed in constant contact with me. I really wanted to fore warn others of what can happen in a a situation like this. Brian is married with 2 young girls and even offered for me to stay at his house with them, since I was separated. Could you imagine? I know things happen for a reason. Facebook is a tool for this kind of communication, however facebook is not going anywhere, so its up to us as individuals to be strong and know our personal boudaries. How important it is to mind them. I am still separated and still moving forward on the path I was on before Brian contacted me. I am more confident and content than I have been in months. Take care, Karen.

 

Its out of your character? I dont get it...how is it out of your character if you did it? It is out of my character to stomp on puppies and set cars on fire. so there will never be a day when I look in the mirror and say "I cant believe i killed all those puppies and blew up all those cars...its so out of character for me." Just admit it, just like all women...the only thing your faithful too is whatever/whoever is currently giving you butterflies

[rowell2024]

I really hate all this "chasing high school fantasy" crap that seems to be happenning more and more these days with all the ways we can connect to each other and past relationships.