jphillmore Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 So I am not the type to normally post on a forum, but I need some perspective on this before I really mess something up. I have been seeing a girl for the past 6 months or so that lives in TX (I live in WA). When we are together, things have been great. When we were apart at first, things were great too. I wasn't looking to get into a long distance relationship at the time. I met her in WA, and we kept seeing each other because we really liked each other and we agreed that if things worked out she would move. Well, going forward, she didn't move when she said that she was going to.. and things haven't been exactly as good as they were when we were first together since then. We have still been seeing eachother. Normally once per month she will fly up. We love eachother. She is suppose to be moving again this month, but a couple of curve balls got thrown at me. She apparently thinks that she shouldn't have to pay any of her living expenses. We aren't married. We don't have kids. She still is planning on working. But she thinks that I should be paying for her room and board and everything else. She is very adamant about this. I think that it is absurd, and that I am not looking to be with someone that doesn't want to be an adult or wants a free ride. I am not familiar with a culture where this flies. Both of my parents worked and paid the bills. I have never even had to have this conversation with girlfriends that I have lived with in the past. From her perspective, "I am a man and am suppose to pay for everything." This kind of came out of left field, and I'm not sure that I can respect a woman that thinks like this. To make things even funnier, my company is in the middle of going under and I am a ball of stress right now. There is one other major issue too that we disagree on... which is the kids (not what you are thinking). We actually both don't want kids (which is good). But, again, in my experience when with another person that also didn't want kids, we agreed to abort if there was an accident so we don't mess up both of our lives or the child's. She doesn't seem to be able to handle that. I just don't believe that having unplanned kids is a good idea. I know that is controversial, and trust me I do not want to know anyone's opinion on it. But, it is still a stressor. My question is, is it time to move on? I am not sure. I do love her, but I'm not sure that is enough for her or for me.
aerogurl87 Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 You two have very different views about very important issues in relationships so I think you should move on.
folieadeux Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I completely agree; I think you should part ways. The differences in your relationship are serious issues that aren't going to change and, if they do, will only lead to resentment later on. I think it would benefit the pair of you to find partners more suitable to your individual expectations and beliefs.
Faded_x Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I agree that it's probably time to move on. If not, then I think a talk is definitely in order. She needs to know that under no circumstances would she be getting a free ride with you. It's totally ridiculous/lazy to assume you'll pay her way for her. However, I think even if she agrees to it at first, she will likely only begin to resent you for it more and more as time went on anyway. While your different views on abortion are a bit unsettling, I personally wouldn't consider that alone a deal breaker. If your views on kids differed, then definitely. But who goes into a relationship planning an unplanned pregnancy? I know mistakes happen, but if you know you don't want kids you make all the necessary precautions to ensure it doesn't happen.
creighton0123 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Oh hell no. Move on. Just... move on. It's 2011, not the 1950's. Right now, she is your girlfriend and you are her boyfriend. She is not your dependent or ward. If you're going to live together and both of you are working, splitting the bills is what is expected. This girl needs to have some feminine pride. "The man should pay for everything and anything" is a dated principle. She may be great outside of this, but I'd say cut loose and find someone a little more... modern.
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