Aisha4457 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 After initiating no contact, what is the likelyhood of an ex getting back in contact, what are your experiences? My ex and me had a deep relationship and a meaningful bond. He refused to block and delete me and said he would always be there for me... But I initiated no contact as he doesn't want to be together again. Whats the likelyhood the gets in contact?
SeriousBob12 Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Pretty high, it seems that most cases here do involve the ex initiating contact at some point down the road. But let's be clear about 2 things: 1) It is almost ALWAYS NEVER EVER what you wanted to hear, and from my recent experience more of a set back than anything else. If you're expecting him to beg, plea for you back, flatter you, admit his mistake etc...you have about a similar chance of getting eaten by a shark skydiving. Chances are it will be a curiosity contact, or a guilt easer. 2) You don't start doing NC because you hope they do come crawling back. That right there is the wrong reason. You do NC hoping to heal and find yourself. Whether or not they come back or contact you should be completely irrelevant. At most, you can maybe hope for a little more closure, but that's it. A lot of the time the relationship is done when the first breakup happens.
Movingthrough Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Pretty high, it seems that most cases here do involve the ex initiating contact at some point down the road. But let's be clear about 2 things: 1) It is almost ALWAYS NEVER EVER what you wanted to hear, and from my recent experience more of a set back than anything else. If you're expecting him to beg, plea for you back, flatter you, admit his mistake etc...you have about a similar chance of getting eaten by a shark skydiving. Chances are it will be a curiosity contact, or a guilt easer. 2) You don't start doing NC because you hope they do come crawling back. That right there is the wrong reason. You do NC hoping to heal and find yourself. Whether or not they come back or contact you should be completely irrelevant. At most, you can maybe hope for a little more closure, but that's it. A lot of the time the relationship is done when the first breakup happens. This is all very true. I know what you mean about that deep bond, i also feel that with my ex. Not saying there wasnt issues but there is something there that i dont see going away even if it means no relationship. As far as the contact honestly it seems 90% of the time they contact back but only if you are doing true NC. BUT like the poster said above, your mission has to be to overall not care. I tell myself that everyday. Then if they do contact back and you are honestly over it, then maybe you can be friends or maybe the "truth" will come out as far as them fixing their problems etc. Get in the mindset of getting over it, but most likely you will hear from him again.
Author Aisha4457 Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 I said to him before I left "If you want to make a proper and serious go at us again then get in contact, otherwise this is it." To which he said okay. My ex is quite a lazy lad and I don't think he would get in contact unless he really wanted to. I just don't know how he is so chilled about it, it's like he is over me already Like I meant nothing. Again as I said my friend seems to think it's because he thinks I'll be back and not taking it very seriously. But that only makes me more determined to maintain NC!
SeriousBob12 Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I said to him before I left "If you want to make a proper and serious go at us again then get in contact, otherwise this is it." To which he said okay. My ex is quite a lazy lad and I don't think he would get in contact unless he really wanted to. I just don't know how he is so chilled about it, it's like he is over me already Like I meant nothing. Again as I said my friend seems to think it's because he thinks I'll be back and not taking it very seriously. But that only makes me more determined to maintain NC! I'm sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately, the dumper has usually gotten a head start to moving on. Upon acting on it, they've already made up enough of their mind to act out, which says a lot. I think what your friend is saying is ridiculous, don't take advice from that friend anymore. He chose to end it with you, avoided a shot to making it work, so he could present the true test which is if you'll break NC and come back? Ludicrous! It's over. Just start looking at it like that. Don't think of the what if's, the maybe's, etc....For the time being - good chance forever - the relationship is done. He knows where you stand. If he wants to give it another go around, he'll come to you and act out on it. That is something HE is going to have to decide and do. You say he's lazy, and that might be a reason for him not to seek you out and try again....I say, if I had a girl I cared about I definitely wouldn't let so called laziness be the factor that caused me to not seek her out. You deserve someone much better than that. Be strong!
Author Aisha4457 Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 I'm sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately, the dumper has usually gotten a head start to moving on. Upon acting on it, they've already made up enough of their mind to act out, which says a lot. I think what your friend is saying is ridiculous, don't take advice from that friend anymore. He chose to end it with you, avoided a shot to making it work, so he could present the true test which is if you'll break NC and come back? Ludicrous! It's over. Just start looking at it like that. Don't think of the what if's, the maybe's, etc....For the time being - good chance forever - the relationship is done. He knows where you stand. If he wants to give it another go around, he'll come to you and act out on it. That is something HE is going to have to decide and do. You say he's lazy, and that might be a reason for him not to seek you out and try again....I say, if I had a girl I cared about I definitely wouldn't let so called laziness be the factor that caused me to not seek her out. You deserve someone much better than that. Be strong! When I say my friend thinks he isn't taking it seriously, is because I have initiated NC many times before this but always break it. He knows I'm a weakling (half the reason we broke up because I'm not the strong powerful girl he fell in love with anymore) But today is day 4 with no contact. Also about the laziness, what I meant was I don't think he will get in contact just to "check up on me" or "ease his guilt" I think the only time he would make contact is to either meet up and see how things go OR try again. Even though we had issues and he was a bit of a knob He is a genuine guy and doesn't play games. In my gut I don't feel that is the end of the road for us. Whether it be denial or wishful thinking. The bond went too deep in my eyes. Oh well NC it has to be!
Blue Gardenia Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 In my gut I don't feel that is the end of the road for us. Whether it be denial or wishful thinking. The bond went too deep in my eyes. Aisha: I pushed my ex away for religious reasons, but he knew I loved him, its just that that was the decision I had to make at the time. I don't feel like a "dumper" in the true sense. A few months later, I had second thoughts and contacted him, but he had moved on and was happy with someone else. That broke my heart that he could forget about me so easily. I'm not 100% sure that he had forgotten about me, but, he made the decision not to return to me. Because our connection had been so deep, and he was so heartbroken when we couldn't work things out, I, too, felt in my heart that our story was not over. I really believed deep down that we were not "finished", so to speak. I trusted my intuition. Now, a few months have passed, and I can see that my "gut feeling" was simply the result of some very strong emotions at the time, and I could not think or see clearly. I realize now that he decided a long time ago that we were not meant to be. I believe that he still loved me when he began his new relationship; I believe a part of him will still care about me for at least a while longer. But do I believe he will come back to me and try again? No. And trust me, we had a wonderful connection, a beautiful bond...but it clearly did not survive the test of a mere 3 months separation!
depplover_1980 Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 In my gut I don't feel that is the end of the road for us. Whether it be denial or wishful thinking. The bond went too deep in my eyes. Aisha: I pushed my ex away for religious reasons, but he knew I loved him, its just that that was the decision I had to make at the time. I don't feel like a "dumper" in the true sense. A few months later, I had second thoughts and contacted him, but he had moved on and was happy with someone else. That broke my heart that he could forget about me so easily. I'm not 100% sure that he had forgotten about me, but, he made the decision not to return to me. Because our connection had been so deep, and he was so heartbroken when we couldn't work things out, I, too, felt in my heart that our story was not over. I really believed deep down that we were not "finished", so to speak. I trusted my intuition. Now, a few months have passed, and I can see that my "gut feeling" was simply the result of some very strong emotions at the time, and I could not think or see clearly. I realize now that he decided a long time ago that we were not meant to be. I believe that he still loved me when he began his new relationship; I believe a part of him will still care about me for at least a while longer. But do I believe he will come back to me and try again? No. And trust me, we had a wonderful connection, a beautiful bond...but it clearly did not survive the test of a mere 3 months separation! Good post and tough lesson for you Aisha. You seem strong and realistic and I think you will move on just fine.
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