nealo23 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 of the racing heart beat or the twisting stomach? or the zoning out during conversations b/c you keep thinking about her? or the moments where you are so tired and exhausted but you can't just fall asleep/stay asleep? I keep thinking about how much fun she is out having. How much it feels like I don't/didn't matter. It isn't fair to feel this way. No person should have that much control over your emotions. What can I do to get passed these day-to-day, hour-to-hour moments??
SimonSerenade Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I struggle with this a lot unfortunately, thought of her with someone else just kills me, when my ex left she never gave a reason, just dumped me and was over it in a day, I was devastated for months on end then I went no contact and felt better, still think of her everyday though, just makes me wonder how it's so easy for her but as soon as I finally saw her for what she was now as aposed to the amazing person she used to be, I just realised I deserved better and didnt want her back anymore, now I tend to think of her n know that she'll want something to do with me one day even if it's just to apologise or explain, that gives me comfort at least, aside from that get yourself on some video games and talk to other girls, may be hard cause they won't be her and you'll think of her once or twice moving on too but forget that, give your love to someone who deserves it, you did all ya could and you should be proud of that now, as soon as you accept and realise it wasn your fault and there's gothic more you can do to change you situation, you'll start feeling a huge difference trust me, take care buddy
Good Arms Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I'm sorry you're feeling this. It's EXACTLY what I experience. So I can't really offer any advice - I'm sure some will offer some positive suggestions, keep busy, distraction etc - but I don't think there are any quick fixes. Whenever we let down our guard the racing heart beat, the stomach twisting comes back. Clearing your head to sleep seems impossible. Just one little memory trigger in a conversation and I zone out and right back to her. Just find some comfort in that others are feeling exactly the same pain, it's not unique to you. Because I know that it feels like it is.
FreeToBe Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 The wounded heart will heal with time. I was absolutely obsessed with her for many months after our breakup. Every moment of everyday, I relentlessly thought of her. I could not focus on my career, family, or anything else but for brief moments. I wondered if I would ever stop thinking of her... You will. We've all heard that time will heal a broken heart, and to some degree it will. At the very least, your obsessing over her and the breakup will subside over time. You brain will simply get bored with trying to process every possible outcome. In time your brain will have no more information or emotions to process and your ex will fade away from thought... slowly. How much and how long you think of your ex is dependent on many factors. As someone who has experienced the lowest of lows in such a situation, I offer up these tips: Do everything you can to turn your focus on you and your life and how to improve it.Allow yourself a designated time each day to focus on nothing but your ex and/or your grief over the breakup, and work to stick to only that time.Maintain complete and absolute no contact with your ex. Rid your life of all physical reminders of your ex - they are no more than triggers now. Do not seek out information about your ex online or through others.Be patient. If your love was deep, it will take considerable time - there are no shortcuts.Believe that it will get better, because like it or not, it will. You simply have to find peace with yourself and try to let the other person go as completely as possible. It is not easy, but you will move on. Be well.
Stilicho Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 if anybody can find the key to falling asleep, im all ears..... otherwise, i find it easiest to get through the day by staying as busy as possible.
timchambo Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Well I am going on about 4 weeks of being dumped. we were together over 7 years. never saw it coming either. She was the girl of my dreams too. I can only tell you how I am handling it. So far I still think about her daily... multiple times.. sadly she takes up a large majority of my day. The heart racing seems to occur during same times of my day (my down time), which is limited to a few hours after work. I should really find something to keep me busy. When I think about her now I see the person she really was. A bit immature, selfish, dishonest when she had to be. I wont allow myself to remember the good qualities. If I could have things back the way they were I would take that in an instant. But the way it ended I know the trust has been broken and it could never be. In time I do believe all will be well. We just have to give time a chance to heal. Chances are she is not having as much fun as you think. She probably has a guilty conscience. I am not sure the reason your girl left, but she may even find herself thinking of the good times she had with you too. I have also learned through this that the reason she is able to seemingly move on so quick is either there is another guy and/or she has given this much more thought than we realize. I think part of the reason we feel this way is because maybe we haven't truly accepted it. My brain surly has comprehended what has happened, but in my heart sadly I know I don't want it this way. edit: my key to sleeping has been working out as much as possible, and if needed taking a melatonin tablet.
Good Arms Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Great advice FreeToBe, #2 is something I may try that's not occurred to me before. timchambo: I agree, focusing on the bad qualities is a useful technique, like knocking them off the pedestal we've put them on. Easier said than done of course! The heart does seem to lag miles behind the brain when it comes to acceptance. if anybody can find the key to falling asleep, im all ears..... I haven't been using them lately, but herbal tablets with Valerian (like 'Quiet Life' or 'Kalms' here in the UK) have certainly helped me to get to sleep before... really made my limbs feel heavy and relaxed. May be worth a try. I still didn't really get a good night's sleep with them though, because I'd still wake up too early obsessing over whatever was on my mind. Edit: But then again, I don't think I ever took them in the proper dosage during the day beforehand. I found they made me too lethargic all day long. But just a couple before bed definitely helped with falling asleep. Edited January 18, 2011 by Good Arms
Stilicho Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 thanks for the advice on sleeping guys, as for working out, i feel as if thats all i have been doing, lol, and if anything, i have more energy now as for the tablets, i will have to give them a try, although im not sure where id get them in the u.s, n=but i do live in Ny, so i should be able to find something...... any other ideas??
spiderowl Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) I've experienced that and it's incredibly painful and also scary. Basically, you are suffering from panic attacks and, I believe, shock. Shock can do strange things to the body. It does calm down after a while, when you've accepted that the person isn't coming back and that you have done nothing wrong. While you are feeling wounded and not seeing the whole picture, just the hurt, it's hard to gain that perspective. Do talk to people, to your friends and family, the people who love you and know you a bit too. At least you will get it off your chest and maybe gain some insights. Don't expect there ever to be an answer as to why it happened though. Attraction is fickle and probably governed by our deepest primitive instincts. Your ex probably has no real idea why they needed to give up either, just that they did. Things that people said that really helped me were "he's not the person you thought he was". It showed me that I had this idealised view of him, that he was a good guy, that he meant the things he said. Maybe he did, but ultimately he didn't have the interest I thought he had. Basically, you are adjusting to a new reality. Your perception of things has been shattered and that's very scary. But it does happen to people in relationships all the time. There are many with broken hearts who do heal, but they go through this painful period first. It took about three months for me, all in all. The first month was the worst, heart racing, sick to my stomach, shakes, fragility, inability to focus, depression. In fact, I talked to my GP who prescribed beta blockers for a while as I wasn't getting any rest from it. There may well be other, more natural solutions though, like meditation or physical exercise followed by a relaxing bath. Music is good for the soul too but it can bring up painful memories. Just remember, your ex was making a choice for them. It's not about you, it's about what they feel they need in their lives and it might not be someone as decent and worthwhile as you. In retrospect, I was less combative than my ex. He liked to complain in restaurants and always talked about the service in places. I'm happy if people are polite and making an effort. I assume the best of them not the worst. He'd always have felt this was not right for him. He needed someone equally snobbish in such situations. Am I bothered? No, I'm very glad I'm not the kind of person he needed. I'm sure you will be too, before long. Edited January 18, 2011 by spiderowl
SouthernSunshine Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 .................................................................. Wrong post!!!! ...............................................
bluebirdsfly Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Just remember, your ex was making a choice for them. It's not about you, it's about what they feel they need in their lives... This is very well said. This is the hard and cold truth. Thank you very much.
i made a mess Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 or the moments where you are so tired and exhausted but you can't just fall asleep/stay asleep? I keep thinking about how much fun she is out having. How much it feels like I don't/didn't matter. I experienced that same part with not being able to sleep. You're so tired it hurts yet your body won't just shut down. You feel as though you are delirious at that point. One thing my therapist suggested to me, that I've found works, is when I crawl into bed at night, I write in a journal. I do it right before I sleep. I get it all out of my head and onto paper. Usually by the time I'm done writing, I know that I won't forget anything I want to "overanalyze" the next day. And there hasn't been a single time yet, that I go back and read what I wrote the next day. I just get it all out and keep pushing forward. Another thing that has helped, and it sounds really cheesey as I type this out, but I bought a few cheap books on CD and I listen to that while laying in bed. It helps me keep my mind from racing, because I'm listening to the narrator "talk" and focusing on really listening that I can't think about anything else. Trust me, listening to someone drone on reading the book aloud will knock you right out. Hope it starts getting better for you! After 2 months I'm finally able to sleep with much more ease than before.
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