Yeahsussu Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Hi everyone, My BF of 2,5 years and I finally talked about what´s gonna happen now after I leave his country tomorrow. And I didn´t really get the answers I wanted to hear. I´ve been here for a year now, and he doesn´t feel he can do this LDR again and can´t be commited to that right now. He want´s to do a job-thing now which is his first priority, and the training for that will start in late March. He doesn´t know how long it will go for, he said it might be for a season, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years, who knows.. I respect this cause I know that he´s been wanting to do this for a long time, before he met me. He also said he doesn´t want me to sit around at home and wait for him, cause right now he doesn´t have any plans to come to my country (I wanted him to come just for a few months to see what it´s like and get a feel for it). He wants me to continue my life and he will too. He says our relationship has always been complicated because of the distance, and it will not get any easier. He still loves me, but he just can´t continue. At the same time he said that we might get back together after he finished his job, depending on how long it takes... I´m so hurt right now and I´ve been crying all morning after he left for work. I´ve never loved anyone as much as I love him, and he feels like "the one" for me, I can see a future with him. I´ve never dealt with this kind of breakup before, I´m 25 and he is my second serious boyfriend (he´s 24). I feel like i´ve split into 1000 pieces and I don´t know how to put them back together. How do I cope with this?? As bad as it sounds, I´m kinda hoping he wont like the job and come back to me, but I´m afraid to have any expectations cause I never wanna experience this again. Guess I just needed to get some words out and if anyone bothered to read this, please give me some advice on what to do, how to deal with this cause I´m a wreck and I have no idea... He still wants to keep in touch after I leave and I want that too, I guess it´s just gonna be weird not doing it as boyfriend and girlfriend anymore... P.S. Didn´t really know wheter to put this in the LDR forum or Break-up forum, guess it´s kinda a mix of both...
nature Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Wow, it sounds like this is ALL about HIM.....all about what he wants, all about what he thinks, all about what he feels....all the way down to him saying that perhaps in the future you will get back together after HE finishes his job. He certainly is a self-centred person, isn't he? And his self-centredness has made you entirely insecure. Which he likes. He says he doesn't want you waiting on him, but believe me, he does. he wants to know that you are back in your old country pining away for him. Show him different. Muster up every little bit of self worth and pride you have, pack your things, and stay with a friend tonight. I'm dead serious. He has broken up with you. Therefore, disappear. Show him that you aren't going to wait around for him like he asked you not to. I don't care how sad and desperate you feel right now. Get the heck away from him. STay in a hotel if you have to. Have him come home from work and you be gone. If you cant' leave him tonight because you feel too needy and desperate, then for gawd sakes, please grab some of your god given pride and self worth, and tell him that YOU agree with the breakup, because YOU deserve someone who cares about YOU as much as he cares about himself. Not a selfish, narcissistic jerk who would just end things like this. Let him be single. Let him feel what it's like to be without you. Pleeeeeeeeeease don't cry to him anymore. Don't act sad. Don't beg him. That will not only push him furhter away, but it will stroke his selfish ego further. Pleeeeeeeease act like a dignified lady and show him what he's going to miss. When you return to your country, disappear. I mean no emails, phone calls, texts, nothing. Do exactly what he wants you to do. Live your own life. He will feel the loss then, and only then, because deep down he doesn't really believe you will move on with your life. He wants to be free and single to date other people, etc Let him. He'll be begging for you back in a few months if he hears not a peep from you and you show him you are a classy woman who deserves more than this BS How far away is your home country from where he lives? How long distance is this long distance?
Author Yeahsussu Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 Thanks for taking the time to give me some advice. I guess it is all about him, and he said that. Something about that he needs to do this for himself to get away from his parents and the place he lives at. He´s been wanting to do this since he was little, so I can´t really stop him, even though I would like to. I´ve been thinking about NC, but I don´t know if I can handle it... I wont be begging him to come back to me, I wont, but just sending a text now and then, asking about how his day has been and stuff, how his job-plans are going, would be ok...? We´re talking about a serious longdistance here, we live on opposite sides of the world. He lives in Australia (where I am right now), and I live in northern part of Europe. So it´s not like we can go and meet up for a weekend.
Author Yeahsussu Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 I left his country on Wednesday and came back home on thursday evening. It was the worst day of my life to stand there at the airport, saying our goodbyes.... we both cried our eyes out, and he said he couldn´t let me go. He was at the airport the whole time till the plane left. Now I´m home and I feel like ****, I´ve lost the love of life, I don´t feel like doing anything and the only thing I want is my BF back. He´s been sending me texts about how much he misses and loves me, that he doesn´t know what to do with himself now when I´not there.... I mean, earlier this week (my original post above) he basically said he chose this job before me, and now he´s acting like this. Giving me false hope. I want to believe it´s gonna be the two of us, that´s all I want, but I´m scared to get my hopes up cause I never wanna experience anything as hurtful as this again! I just want him to realize this is a mistake. I would relocate to his country if that means I can be with him, but he is not sure of what he wants. We both love each other increadibly, but he´s scared of being commited to me. I´m having such a hard time, this is killing me and eating me up inside. What can I do to ease the pain??
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