mo mo Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 But... some of you try to make it seem like dating and romance are an exact science. Doing A does not always beget B. B will not always lead to C, etc. I understand that people have been hurt and want to minimize the risks they take in new relationships and/or learn from past mistakes. However, I think that the risk factor in relationships can be quite thrilling. For instance, a while back I was involved with a girl that had me worried about several things. In the end, it didn't work out, but when I was with her it was quite thrilling. Thinking about her or what she was up to made me feel excited. Right now I am involved with someone that really likes me but she is so open about everything that I feel like there is no mystery. I know I am not risking much by pursuing her yet I don't feel as drawn to her as the other girl.
Jazzari Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I agree that it's not an exact science. I looked up dating tips since I'm new to it. I found out that I'm doing EVERYTHING wrong. I'm not playing all those stupid games that are supposed to be so successful. And yet, I'm very happy and my relationship is going fantastic. I guess I was lucky in finding someone who isn't into the game playing either. The relationship is still fairly new, so I'm not going to get too excited just yet....but so far so good!
FreeheartLover Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I agree, there is always a learning curve, so to say, with each new relationship. It's a whole new start, different dynamic, new things to learn. I just see posters on here so quickly jump to a conclusion like "just dump them" "no contact" "move on" etc - and it's not always the answer we're looking for. Maybe I'm mistaken, but isn't this a share/support site?
depplover_1980 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I agree that it's not an exact science. I looked up dating tips since I'm new to it. I found out that I'm doing EVERYTHING wrong. I'm not playing all those stupid games that are supposed to be so successful. And yet, I'm very happy and my relationship is going fantastic. I guess I was lucky in finding someone who isn't into the game playing either. The relationship is still fairly new, so I'm not going to get too excited just yet....but so far so good! Game playing is so predictable but far too many let battle commence. If you have complete honesty with someone, then they surprise you all the time with their inner essence. How they are going to enlighten you next becomes far more real and exciting. I apply this to learning peoples negative traits too.
Jazzari Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Game playing is so predictable but far too many let battle commence. If you have complete honesty with someone, then they surprise you all the time with their inner essence. How they are going to enlighten you next becomes far more real and exciting. I apply this to learning peoples negative traits too.Very well said! I agree entirely.
Author mo mo Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 Game playing is so predictable but far too many let battle commence. If you have complete honesty with someone, then they surprise you all the time with their inner essence. How they are going to enlighten you next becomes far more real and exciting. I apply this to learning peoples negative traits too. Yea I completely agree. The reason the situation with the first girl failed was because she started playing games, AFTER I got to hear her honest accounts and I got to see her inner beauty. Games are good for inexperienced daters, I guess, but people that have been around can see them from a mile away. People like us appreciate discovering things about our SOs on our own. The girl I am seeing now is honest and all that but I would have preferred to discover some stuff on my own, which is kinda why I am not totally feeling her right now. We'll see what happens.
depplover_1980 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Very well said! I agree entirely. I like yourself am now in a new relationship (5 months) based entirely on honesty and reality. I also don't want to curse a thing but it feels different to my other 2 relationships, with the interaction being so easy and a level of understanding that is new to me. Game playing may feel exciting at the time but fundamentally it leads to an icky twistedness that becomes messy. Once the damage is done, it is difficult to repair and it is never the same.
depplover_1980 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Yea I completely agree. The reason the situation with the first girl failed was because she started playing games, AFTER I got to hear her honest accounts and I got to see her inner beauty. Games are good for inexperienced daters, I guess, but people that have been around can see them from a mile away. People like us appreciate discovering things about our SOs on our own. The girl I am seeing now is honest and all that but I would have preferred to discover some stuff on my own, which is kinda why I am not totally feeling her right now. We'll see what happens. You know give it a bit longer but if you still aren't feeling it move on. What happened to the first girl then?
Author mo mo Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 I agree that it's not an exact science. I looked up dating tips since I'm new to it. I found out that I'm doing EVERYTHING wrong. I'm not playing all those stupid games that are supposed to be so successful. And yet, I'm very happy and my relationship is going fantastic. I guess I was lucky in finding someone who isn't into the game playing either. The relationship is still fairly new, so I'm not going to get too excited just yet....but so far so good! Awesome. I am glad it is going well for you. I don't talk about my business too much on here because I really don't want people telling me what I should be doing and I don't want to hear that I am seeing things wrong. When I first came here that is exactly what happened and people were starting to call me delusional, even though what I was seeing was very obvious, and it is even more obvious now (I know that sounds vague, but I really don't want to get into it). I come here mostly to read about what women think. I can honestly say that reading some stories on here has helped me a lot and I feel a lot more confident about dating than I did before joining this site. I have been through some nasty breakups that I could not really explain, and now I think I understand what happened after reading some stories on here. That said, I still go in with an open mind when meeting new women. I understand some of the possibilities that could happen when certain things happen, but I do my best to go with the flow and act naturally. After all, we are not robots that can be programmed to respond to situations a certain way, we need to feel comfortable in our own skin and with our own thoughts if we want our relationships to be successful in my opinion.
Author mo mo Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 You know give it a bit longer but if you still aren't feeling it move on. What happened to the first girl then? I haven't spoken to the first girl about the situation, or at all really, in about a month. She is still in my life but it's kind of awkward when we run into each other. I think she would be open to talking to me again, but I have to be realistic about the situation: She is a single mother, I have no kids. She barely made it through high school, I obtained a BS in business with a 3.7 GPA while holding down a full time job. We are very similar in many ways, but ultimately, I think the difference in our social status will always be a problem. Not that I care about where she is, because her circumstances were completely different than mine, but I have learned from some of the accounts I have read here and from my own personal experiences. People do not feel comfortable around others who are much more attractive and/or much more accomplished than they perceive themselves. Perceive is the key word there, because in this situation, I do think this person is capable of achieving great things, but I am not so sure she believes that, and unfortunately, that is a dealbreaker for me. I cannot be with someone who looks down on herself.
depplover_1980 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Yet she intrigues and I suspect secretly inspires you? Is she really down on herself or does she simply possess a bit of humility about her, ie she has no ego. I think your feelings for her still exist and they prevent you from appreciating the girl in the same light because you are making comparisons, which being a wise guy you know is unfair to her and holding her from someone that will really appreciate her. Back to the first one, why did you stop seeing her, what did you fall out about (if)? Sometimes we fall for the most unlikely people and overriding social expectation is simply an obstacle perhaps?
Author mo mo Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 Yet she intrigues and I suspect secretly inspires you? Is she really down on herself or does she simply possess a bit of humility about her, ie she has no ego. I think your feelings for her still exist and they prevent you from appreciating the girl in the same light because you are making comparisons, which being a wise guy you know is unfair to her and holding her from someone that will really appreciate her. Back to the first one, why did you stop seeing her, what did you fall out about (if)? Sometimes we fall for the most unlikely people and overriding social expectation is simply an obstacle perhaps? 1) I'm not comparing the new girl to this other one. They are 2 completely different people and I appreciate them both in different ways. The issue I have with new girl (I know I was being vague) is that she is a bit older than me (which is fine) but she is much more cynical about life. She said some stuff about where she expects her life to go and it didn't sound exciting. I can understand why someone would begin to think like that after some of the things she's been through, but those are not the kinds of things that you should be sharing with someone you have just begun to date. Passion is extremely important to me and it really sounds like she lacks passion in her life. I will give her a pass for now because other than that, she is fun to be around. 2) Basically what happened with the other girl is that I met her when she had a BF. We got close, I told her it sucked she had a bf cuz I thought we'd be great together, she said she likes me a lot too but she is committed, so I backed off. For about a month we remained friends and began sharing more about ourselves since a bond had developed. She informs me she is about to dump her bf, and we start getting even closer. She dumps him, I get her number and let her know I am still very interested, but we had some stuff to discuss (mainly expectations in the relationship, our individual futures, etc.). She is all over me for a while, but starts distancing herself without notice, starts flirting with another guy we work with (who, to be honest, isn't half the man I am) and I question why she was starting to act this way since I didn't believe the person I grew to appreciate would act that way. She refuses to explain herself and tells my boss I have been harassing her (which my boss never even approached me about because she knew it was BS, she saw how much attention and affection that girl gave me on a regular basis, I heard she did this from someone else close to the situation). I decided that she was dangerous from that point on and have not talked to her the same way ever since. If I do talk to her, it's strictly business. It's been about a month since that incident, and it's kind of odd because I am beginning to realize just how much attention she had been giving me before, since now I am not getting any at all. We do run into each other, and I have a feeling that she would like to put an end to this awkward situation, but I am torn because while I do appreciate her, I also think she is emotionally unstable and dangerous. I've entertained the idea of pursuing a friendship with her but I still think that is dangerous because she is quite attractive.
depplover_1980 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Hmm GSP man, in light of all this new information I think you should get back out on the dating scene again and put your rod back into the sea and see if any interesting fishes bite. The first girl you were seeing is not really mentally available. Also the fact she was playing around behind bf back in never going to be the right foundation for trust and may well have given her a lower opinion of herself. The newer girl is not quite doing it for you, or fundamentally what she told you about herself has not sat well. I think you critising her for being too honest is not perhaps the problem, more what she said? Best to find out now though what lies beyond the abyss? Or do you think you are too picky here? What are her positive qualities?
Author mo mo Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 Hmm GSP man, in light of all this new information I think you should get back out on the dating scene again and put your rod back into the sea and see if any interesting fishes bite. The first girl you were seeing is not really mentally available. Also the fact she was playing around behind bf back in never going to be the right foundation for trust and may well have given her a lower opinion of herself. The newer girl is not quite doing it for you, or fundamentally what she told you about herself has not sat well. I think you critising her for being too honest is not perhaps the problem, more what she said? Best to find out now though what lies beyond the abyss? Or do you think you are too picky here? What are her positive qualities? Yea I agree about first girl. She wasn't necessarily messing around behind her BF's back, I just made that comment to her way back when because I really didn't know what the situation was. Once she told me she was committed I backed off from making those kinds of comments and all that, but we remained friends and got to know each other better. That said, she is not mentally and/or emotionally available. You are right about that. Newer girl is cool, she has a lot in common with me and she is funny, but I'm just kind of weirded out by some of the stuff she said. I am giving her a pass because I think she was just really shy and ended up saying some personal things without really realizing what she was saying. We just met though, so I am keeping my options open. Back on topic: I'm not really looking for someone to tell me what to do. Like I said, I have a lot of dating knowledge, but I give everyone a fair chance when I meet them. I just act naturally and see what happens.
depplover_1980 Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I am highly intrigued by what she told you now. I am also too honest you see, but luckily I possess the humour to get away with it!!
Author mo mo Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 I am highly intrigued by what she told you now. I am also too honest you see, but luckily I possess the humour to get away with it!! Is that you in that picture? Were you born in 1980? I was born in 1980 That is not me in the AV
tb24 Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I just wanted to say I like this forum because I get to see womens perspectives on things. Really insightful
Author mo mo Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 I just wanted to say I like this forum because I get to see womens perspectives on things. Really insightful I know, isn't it great? Sometimes I read threads and have to confirm what a particular woman said, because sometimes their thought processes really really really surprise me.
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