alwaysagoodgirl Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 (edited) I tried posting a new topic but it doesn't show up. I am new to this forum. Does it take time for the post to show? I need input from OW's Edited January 17, 2011 by alwaysagoodgirl desperate
BB07 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 The above posts show up so maybe something went wrong before. Try again here in this thread.
Author alwaysagoodgirl Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 The above posts show up so maybe something went wrong before. Try again here in this thread. thank you BBO7. my question is to OW's. I am by nature a kind hearted person, but I am feeling like the OW needs to be exposed. She doesn't know that I know who she is. She is a sly preditor and has moved on to her next MM. Is it enough to contact her personally and have whatever discussion that may follow, leave it at that? Or contact her husband. Should I leave that decission to her? I have no vile words or mud to fling at her. Just want her to know someone is on to her. I think other OW's can give me their feeling on how they would have it happen if they had a choice as to the wife. again thank you BBO7 for your reply
BB07 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 thank you BBO7. my question is to OW's. I am by nature a kind hearted person, but I am feeling like the OW needs to be exposed. She doesn't know that I know who she is. She is a sly preditor and has moved on to her next MM. Is it enough to contact her personally and have whatever discussion that may follow, leave it at that? Or contact her husband. Should I leave that decission to her? I have no vile words or mud to fling at her. Just want her to know someone is on to her. I think other OW's can give me their feeling on how they would have it happen if they had a choice as to the wife. again thank you BBO7 for your reply You are welcome. How do you know this person? What is the relationship you have to the parties involved?
GreenEyedLady Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 thank you BBO7. my question is to OW's. I am by nature a kind hearted person, but I am feeling like the OW needs to be exposed. She doesn't know that I know who she is. She is a sly preditor and has moved on to her next MM. Is it enough to contact her personally and have whatever discussion that may follow, leave it at that? Or contact her husband. Should I leave that decission to her? I have no vile words or mud to fling at her. Just want her to know someone is on to her. I think other OW's can give me their feeling on how they would have it happen if they had a choice as to the wife. again thank you BBO7 for your reply Why is it you feel the need to expose the OW and not the MM? GEL
woinlove Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 For someone who repeatedly gets involved with MM, I doubt speaking to her will have any effect. Personally, I don't like to see deception and most spouses would want to know if they are being deceived, so I would be inclined to let her H know. However, this could bring more drama into your life and, in any case, is better done if you are doing it from a position of putting yourself in her H's shoes, rather than thinking the OW should suffer consequences. It is usually better to leave it to life to dish out consequences and to go about living your own life the best you can. Perhaps a few people end up gaining by behaving badly, but often, people who behave badly in their dealings with others are missing out on some of life's greater pleasures which open up for people who are capable of much love and compassion for others.
Author alwaysagoodgirl Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 Why is it you feel the need to expose the OW and not the MM? GEL the MM confessed
GreenEyedLady Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 the MM confessed Am I correct in assuming this is your H then? GEL
JsSweetPea Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 (edited) I agree with Wo... leave her be. I'm assuming this is your H we're talking about? I would really think twice about doing anything more to involve yourself in this woman's life. You should be mad at your H, anyway... not her. He knew what he was doing. Edited January 17, 2011 by JsSweetPea
Author alwaysagoodgirl Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 For someone who repeatedly gets involved with MM, I doubt speaking to her will have any effect. Personally, I don't like to see deception and most spouses would want to know if they are being deceived, so I would be inclined to let her H know. However, this could bring more drama into your life and, in any case, rather than thinking the OW should suffer consequences. Perhaps a few people end up gaining by behaving badly, but often, people who behave badly in their dealings with others are missing out on some of life's greater pleasures which open up for people who are capable of much love and compassion for others. woinlove, thank you for taking time to reply. I think you have good points for me to think about. It is usually better to leave it to life to dish out consequences and to go about living your own life the best you can. This is exactly what I have done so far. Tended to my own business. is better done if you are doing it from a position of putting yourself in her H's shoes, yes, this was my only reason for considering telling him. Compassion. Not trouble.
Author alwaysagoodgirl Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 Am I correct in assuming this is your H then? GEL yes gel, he is my H.
Star_Bright Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 is better done if you are doing it from a position of putting yourself in her H's shoes, yes, this was my only reason for considering telling him. Compassion. Not trouble. So the OW is married? You are considering telling the OW's husband about her cheating on him? Just trying to understand your question.
Author alwaysagoodgirl Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 I agree with Wo... leave her be. I'm assuming this is your H we're talking about? I would really think twice about doing anything more to involve yourself in this woman's life. You should be mad at your H, anyway... not her. He knew what he was doing. Oh yes JSP, All of my pain was directed at him. I realized that OW and I had no vow or frienship. She betrayed a stranger. A women. A sister. A nobody. My H, although compromised in his health (head injury, she thought he would be an easy target I guess)he knows right from wrong. He betrayed me. He and he alone will carry that responsability.
dont-be-naive Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I agree with Wo... leave her be. I'm assuming this is your H we're talking about? I would really think twice about doing anything more to involve yourself in this woman's life. You should be mad at your H, anyway... not her. He knew what he was doing. oh she must definitely need to be mad at her H. but her anger at OW is completely justified. unless OW didn't know she was an OW. what is it about OW/OM that say, "i #####d with your life, laid your spouse, but don't be mad at me" ??
Author alwaysagoodgirl Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 You are welcome. How do you know this person? What is the relationship you have to the parties involved? I am the wife. She is someone who facilitates a online relationship building type of forum. We have been together over 30 years. Long story short, my H had a funeral out of state to attend. We both could not go, sadly. I was worried about him but he needed to say his good bye. Anyway, I found out after he broke down at the airport and then reading the e mails that she knew he would be there and showed up.Unenvited.A complete surprise. You know, to console him!! She knew ahead of time his mental and emotional state. This is why I refer to her as a preditor. I never called her the W word or anything like that. Anyway it happened. I've never met her in person. Although I have thought about showing up at one of her "women's support groups!!"
desertIslandCactus Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Since this seems to be mostly a question of: Should I tell her husband? I would say no, if she is repentant. But yes - if I have understood correctly and she is in her next relationship. Even though the husband may suspect, still you want to feel sorry for a man whose W is a repeat offender. He deserves to know.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I am the wife. She is someone who facilitates a online relationship building type of forum. We have been together over 30 years. Long story short, my H had a funeral out of state to attend. We both could not go, sadly. I was worried about him but he needed to say his good bye. Anyway, I found out after he broke down at the airport and then reading the e mails that she knew he would be there and showed up.Unenvited.A complete surprise. You know, to console him!! She knew ahead of time his mental and emotional state. This is why I refer to her as a preditor. I never called her the W word or anything like that. Anyway it happened. I've never met her in person. Although I have thought about showing up at one of her "women's support groups!!" I am sorry that you find yourself in the position that you are in. It seems like maybe you should talk to the OW's H, though? I'm not going to be able to give you advice on what to do, but have you posted in the infidelity forum with your situation? There are lots of people who can help better over there. I wish you all the best in healing. GEL
Author alwaysagoodgirl Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 So the OW is married? You are considering telling the OW's husband about her cheating on him? Just trying to understand your question. Yes, her husband should know. Also the other women involved in the group should know about her ways. But actually I think minding my own business is the best advise. My H has learned a great lesson about trusting others. He should be afraid, VERY afraid of women who want to be his "FRIEND"!!! I tried warning him. He has a kind and simple heart, one that can be abused. I can only protect him so much. I think he will see friendly women differently now...
desertIslandCactus Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Yes, her husband should know. Also the other women involved in the group should know about her ways. But actually I think minding my own business is the best advise. My H has learned a great lesson about trusting others. He should be afraid, VERY afraid of women who want to be his "FRIEND"!!! I tried warning him. He has a kind and simple heart, one that can be abused. I can only protect him so much. I think he will see friendly women differently now... I agree with this also. Save any further action for if she gives you further reason to feel threatened.
BB07 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I am the wife. She is someone who facilitates a online relationship building type of forum. We have been together over 30 years. Long story short, my H had a funeral out of state to attend. We both could not go, sadly. I was worried about him but he needed to say his good bye. Anyway, I found out after he broke down at the airport and then reading the e mails that she knew he would be there and showed up.Unenvited.A complete surprise. You know, to console him!! She knew ahead of time his mental and emotional state. This is why I refer to her as a preditor. I never called her the W word or anything like that. Anyway it happened. I've never met her in person. Although I have thought about showing up at one of her "women's support groups!!" I'm still a little fussy on the details but you've explained more. So I assume your husband and this woman had an online relationship before the funeral? Was it an emotional affair? I hope you are getting the help you need to deal with this as I'm sure it is devastating to you.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Yes, her husband should know. Also the other women involved in the group should know about her ways. But actually I think minding my own business is the best advise. My H has learned a great lesson about trusting others. He should be afraid, VERY afraid of women who want to be his "FRIEND"!!! I tried warning him. He has a kind and simple heart, one that can be abused. I can only protect him so much. I think he will see friendly women differently now... I think you're letting your H off the hook here PRETTY easy. He's a grown man and the OW didn't force him into a R with her. If you think you're the one who protects him and he doesn't get called on the carpet for what he did to your M, then you are going to be dealing with OW #2 very soon.
Author alwaysagoodgirl Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 I am sorry that you find yourself in the position that you are in. It seems like maybe you should talk to the OW's H, though? I'm not going to be able to give you advice on what to do, but have you posted in the infidelity forum with your situation? There are lots of people who can help better over there. I wish you all the best in healing. GEL Thank you GEL, I didn't post in the I section because I am doing ok at this moment. I am a survivor of many hardships. Adultery is not the worst of my life experiences. I thaught maybe OW's would take the advantage to tell me the best way to do this. I know it souinds confusing and silly. I think If I got insight from other OW's I could somehow reach HER heart. Maybe the next wife will not be so concerned with her and more into revenge. I hope not. It's never to late to become a better person. I work on it daily.
Got it Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I am sorry you are going through this. There are many sites for infidelity that could give you the support you need. There are some that advocate exposing to her husband, some that advocate doing that including exposing to the world, etc. It is really your choice in what you want to do. My advice unless you fear that they are not done, focus on your husband, start MC, have him do IC, IC would be a great support to you as well, and start working through what happened.
Got it Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Thank you GEL, I didn't post in the I section because I am doing ok at this moment. I am a survivor of many hardships. Adultery is not the worst of my life experiences. I thaught maybe OW's would take the advantage to tell me the best way to do this. I know it souinds confusing and silly. I think If I got insight from other OW's I could somehow reach HER heart. Maybe the next wife will not be so concerned with her and more into revenge. I hope not. It's never to late to become a better person. I work on it daily. agg - like BS, OWs come in all shapes, sizes and different types. What would connect with one will not work with another. We are not all the same cookie cutter model. I believe you need to focus on your husband and make sure you recognize what he needs to own and not letting him off because it is easier to blame the OW. Yes the OW hurt you as well, but your husband made vows to you, he broke your trust and the OW would not exist in your life without your husband. He needs to address why he would have been open to an affair, what he feels he needs that he wasn't getting from the marriage/himself, and what he is going to do in the future to not fall into the same "solution" again. He needs to work a lot on him and address why he felt this was okay for him.
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