Should husband's 40th bday be planned by his wife or his mother?

[vander]

We've only been married two years, and my husbands 40th birthday is coming up in 6 months.

 

This morning, I get an email from his mother telling me that she has his special surprise 40th birthday party all planned out already. (Yeah, 6 months in advance!) She gave me all the details for the party. She didn't ask me for my thoughts or ideas. She simply asked me to make sure his friends show up.

 

I feel upset by this. She didn't even give me a chance to do anything. But before I respond, I need some third-party advice.

 

Granted, there are a few considerations:

 

1) MIL is a retired widow with no friends, no hobbies, no volunteer work, no job ... she literally does NOTHING all day long. So she's lonely and batty, and probably came up with these plans because she was bored and lonely. I can feel sympathy for that. On the other hand, I'm the whore who stole her perfect son away from her, so she could have ulterior motives in sniping the party away from me.

 

2) We moved 150 miles away from our friends and families. But, MIL lives in the same city as all of his friends. She also lives in a big house that can adequately host all of his friends. So her home is a good venue for his party.

 

I'm really trying to balance logic with emotion here. It makes logical sense for her to host the party at her house, but I'm still offended that she planned everything without even asking me first. It seems inappropriate.

 

Should I just "get over it" and let MIL throw her party? Or does MIL need to be informed that she's overstepping her bounds?

 

How does this work?

[denise_xo]

If I were in your situation, I would probably let her do her thing, and then plan an additional/separate do for the two of you with your close friends or something like that.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

If I were in your situation, I would probably let her do her thing, and then plan an additional/separate do for the two of you with your close friends or something like that.

 

I'd go with this.

 

To his mother, he is still her child. However, to you, he is your husband. This type of power struggle between MIL and wife is common, however that doesn't make either of you more wrong or more right.

 

I'd come to a compromise here. As long as this is the first time she's butted into your relationship, then I'd give her more leniency. She just wants to celebrate her son's birthday, an important one too, and needs to understand how you feel about it.