ivalm Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 (edited) This in regards to the girl I posted about in http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258881/ We went to four wonderful dates so far in the span of one and a half weeks and I'm getting ever more gah, gah about her.. Our last date, initiated by her, was yesterday and turned from a "lets go to farmers market and see where things lead" to an 8 hour "lets spend the whole day together", which was really nice. We touched/hugged a lot/kissed a couple of times (not as much as I wanted, but we were in public all the time) some of which she initiated. She also talks about our future dates. All of this makes me feel she has some romantic interest in me. The problem is, she has evening classes Monday through Thursday and her Mom is coming from North Cal (we're in South Cal) for the weekend so I feel like I might not see her for a bit. Also, I'm not sure if she'll be available this Friday or if her Mom comes on Friday. Which, of course, is all making me want to see her again! Since today is MLK day I know she has no classes so do you think it would be all right for me to ask her to have dinner with me *today*. Or is proximity to our long date yesterday and the fact it's a last minute proposal make this behavior seem clingy? I'm concerned that while she is definitely romantically interested in me, I might be more interested in her and come off clingy. So far I have initiated all of our "firsts" but she never back out of any touches/kisses/etc which makes me feel I may be pushing her right on the boundary of what she is comfortable with. Or perhaps she's just shy and afraid of pushing my boundary. I know the default answer is always "better wait than look clingy" but I really, really want to see her. So unless you all think it would be DETRIMENTAL... I'll do it Edited January 17, 2011 by ivalm
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 (edited) instead of thinking of it in terms like: "is it clingy if I do X?", I'd recommend you shift toward asking yourself "is this a precedent I want to establish as the norm?" see what I'm saying? yes, she's interested. but understand you two are in the early stages and are creating the status quo, in real time. if two months from now she said, "you know, we never see each other like we used to?" her basis for saying something like that would come from the weeks just ahead of you. if there were to be substantial schedule shifts, something as small as that could end up being a deal breaker, needlessly; because you two were spending unrealistic amounts of time together too soon. think about the boundaries you want to have, if you wish to pursue her, and by all means, build those in. I'm talking time with buddies, time alone by yourself, etc. take all that time, even though your "gah-gah" at the moment. you'll thank yourself later. Edited January 17, 2011 by ConflictedGuy27
Romance Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I don't think it's too clingy. Maybe call her to ask her about her day(or text, whatever you're going to do) and then just be like "well if you're not doing anything later, would you want to grab a bite to eat?" (make it sound very casual) and then if she says yes, you can discuss when you can see her again during the meal. Just to see if you'll be able to see her at all again this week/weekend. I like when a guy wants to see a me a lot, it makes me feel like he really wants me and enjoys my company.
Author ivalm Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 instead of thinking of it in terms like: "is it clingy if I do X?", I'd recommend you shift toward asking yourself "is this a precedent I want to establish as the norm?" see what I'm saying? yes, she's interested. but understand you two are in the early stages and are creating the status quo, in real time. if two months from now she said, "you know, we never see each other like we used to?" her basis for saying something like that would come from the weeks just ahead of you. if there were to be substantial schedule shifts, something as small as that could end up being a deal breaker, needlessly; because you two were spending unrealistic amounts of time together too soon. think about the boundaries you want to have, if you wish to pursue her, and by all means, build those in. I'm talking time with buddies, time alone by yourself, etc. take all that time, even though your "gah-gah" at the moment. you'll thank yourself later. The thing is, being with her makes me happier than anything else I could possibly do now. I really do feel like I'd rather spend all my free time (if I could, ALL my time) with her ... And I know for a fact that that is clingy! Which makes me cautious.. so I torture myself and don't call her when I want to, etc.. The precedent I want to set is talking to her every day and seeing each other at least 3 times a week. I've been trying to *slowly* build towards that by limiting my contact towards her.. but today I've been thinking about seeing her since I woke up.. bah.. perhaps I should fight the desire
Allisha Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 The thing is, being with her makes me happier than anything else I could possibly do now. I really do feel like I'd rather spend all my free time (if I could, ALL my time) with her ... And I know for a fact that that is clingy! Which makes me cautious.. so I torture myself and don't call her when I want to, etc.. The precedent I want to set is talking to her every day and seeing each other at least 3 times a week. I've been trying to *slowly* build towards that by limiting my contact towards her.. but today I've been thinking about seeing her since I woke up.. bah.. perhaps I should fight the desire Awhhh, you are so cute. I agree with one of the above posters ...make it seem very casual when you ask her out. Just find out what she's doing today. If she's free, ask her. Try limit your contact with her somewhat, though. You've spent A LOT of time with her recently, so while she may love that, you still don't want to appear clingy or come on too strong.
Author ivalm Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 Awhhh, you are so cute. I agree with one of the above posters ...make it seem very casual when you ask her out. Just find out what she's doing today. If she's free, ask her. Try limit your contact with her somewhat, though. You've spent A LOT of time with her recently, so while she may love that, you still don't want to appear clingy or come on too strong. Thank you Ok, so here is my plan. I'll continue working until lunch (my research lab doesn't acknowledge holidays.. ever) and then call her to see if she is up to grabbing a bite. She did mention yesterday working a few hours in a lab today (she is interning like 8 hours a week) so there is an off chance she will be on campus and ready to eat. If she isn't, I'll ask her what she is doing later today and if she would like to hang out. If yes, I'll ask her what she wants to do and, if she hesitates, propose dinner.
Author ivalm Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 I think it is clingy, there's nothing worse than a clingy person you feel like there's no escape I hate that feeling if you get serious they will be telling you what they allow you to do nothing worse You think me asking her now or my eventual goal of "call every day and see at least 3 times a week" is too clingy? If it's the latter then anything less than that is a deal breaker. For me, a GF is an important presence in my life who is my closest companion, not someone to simply **** once in a while.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 again, there's nothing wrong with spending time, my friend. but there's a difference between a person who's willing to drop EVERYTHING & hold this person at a higher priority, vs. a person that builds thier SO into the entire equation - seeing them when it makes sense (instead of every waking second). you seem to be the former. it's the road to becoming doormat. whether someone is "clingy" or "too clingy" depends on whether or not the recipient wants all that attention. based on what you've shared, she's a clingy chick herself. I'd just warn you to monitor how much you're willing to sacrifice for this girl -- I'm talking time sacrifices. DO NOT bail on your friends for her, especially on a regular basis. DO NOT slow down or give up your hobbies so you'll have extra time to cuddle with this chick. it's great having a gf, but being around constantly will inevitably communicate to her that she comes BEFORE everything else. just food for thought, my friend.
biochemgrl Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Get your girl, be happy together for as long as those moments last. We don't get those feelings all the time with dating! Bottle up it's aroma and sell it on the streets! "Happy by Ival. . . . "
KennyD Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I think it is clingy, there's nothing worse than a clingy person you feel like there's no escape I hate that feeling if you get serious they will be telling you what they allow you to do nothing worse Thats a little off-key.
Author ivalm Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Progress report: I did call her and asked her if she wanted to hang out, but she was studying at the time and she apologized but said she can't go (had I not known how ridiculously studious she is from my previous interactions with her that would actually upset me). I didn't want to ask her to dinner (I called at 2 pm) then since I felt it would be pushy... We did agree for a date on Friday.. @ConflictedGuy, In what way does SHE sound clingy? If anything, she's the level-headed one Edited January 18, 2011 by ivalm
Romance Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Well great, you can see her on friday! at least she wasnt like "oh well schedule another time some other day.." Studies always should come first, sounds like shes got her head on right.
Author ivalm Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Well great, you can see her on friday! at least she wasnt like "oh well schedule another time some other day.." Studies always should come first, sounds like shes got her head on right. Well, I was the one to say "do you want to go on a date on Friday then" to which she said "yes definitely" or something like that.. again, this is my biggest worry, I probably like her more than she likes me. She is interested, but not quite on my level, so this means I must tread carefully. Actually, this was the first time she told me "no" to something Anyways, I think I shouldn't call her until Wednesday to iron out the details.. but perhaps she'll contact me first! Edited January 18, 2011 by ivalm
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