My ex doesn't understand why I dont want to be friends with her.

[Chance_taker]

We were together over 3 years and she left me 4 months ago. It was seemingly out of the blue but obviously she had been planning this for a while. I didn't really get in her way and pretty much just went NC except for after about 2 months we I had a moment of weakness where we met for lunch one day and spent the rest of the weekend together. Ever since we have occasionally been spending more time together. I know its a big mistake but I really love this girl. Well recently she let it slip that she has been seeing someone else in between the times we have spending together. We had a a pretty big blow up last night after I told her I will no longer be seeing her or contacting her. She doesn't understand why Im cutting her off. I don't want it to seem like Im jealous or show too much emotion so what can I say to her that will save my dignity through this? She wants to talk later and will be calling me after work. In the middle of our arguement last night I told her I have interest in someone else who has shown interest in me but I haven't pursued it because of the time I have been spending with her. She seems to be upset over it and doesn't understand why I told her that. Wth? She just told me she has gone out a few times with someone else but I cant let her know that I have interest in someone else. How can I save face through this? I mean can I really be friends with her if I still have strong feelings for her? Would it completely damage any future of us being back together if I cut her loose and pursue the other girl? Sorry for rambling but Im really confused as to what to do. If you have any questions or need clarification please ask. Thanks

[nature]

Yes she does understand. She understands damn well why you don't want to be friends with her. She just DOESN'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND. Get it? She wants her cake and to eat it too. Don't be stupid. You know better than this. You know she understands. She's just trying to keep you under her thumb, so that she knows you are there pining away over her, while she runs around with other guys. Yuck. De-classe.

[PegNosePete]

Her understanding is not necessary. Who cares what she does or does not understand. NC.

[coltsfan1]

She is just hurt because now she feels like she is being dumped and your taking you attention away from her to give to someone else. The other posters are right she knows exactly what is going down, DO NOT be her bridge to get over you. WALK NOW then she will respect you as a man and you will force her to realize that she has lost something. NC now and work on you it might take 6 months like it did me but you will get there.

[marqueemoon4]

With me stbxw at first I thought eventually I'd want to be friends with her for our sons sake. Now I feel like all the hell she has put me through, how terrible she treats me, how she put all the blame on me, and how she completely refused me a second chance, there is no way I would ever want to be friends with her. All or nothing, she has chosen nothing.

[Gettingtired]

The last girl I was seeing was like that. She couldn't understand why I didn't want to speak to her anymore [after she cheated on me].

 

She was "you just dont do things like that". Yes you do love.

 

I think she is over you, especially as she is seeing another bloke, so doesn't see a problem with being just friends now. With being friends she can still contact you to bitch and moan about what's going on in HER life.

 

You pretty much just need to tell her straight that you cant be in touch with her right now as you need to get past the break-up [which I dont believe you are just yet].

 

She chose not to have you in her life anymore as a partner and is happy to downgrade you to the friendzone for time being.

If you can handle that do it. If not just get her told how it's going to be and stop the contact.

[Eddie Edirol]

Its probably not working well with the other guy she is seeing and she is using you to avoid being alone. Dont let her do that to you. Cut her off. If she wants to get back with you in the future, she will beat down the door to do it. She will respect you when you show that you dont need her. If you keep succumbing to her whim, you are showing you need her, shes not earning your attention, youre not a challenge, and it wont make her want you. keep talking about who is interested in you, and cut her off. Most likely she will not want to get back with you ever. She dumped you for a reason, and until you change completely, that reason will stick in her head.

[Chance_taker]

We talked on the phone for over an hour last night. It was probably the hardest decision I have ever made but I let her know that I will no longer see her or contact her. I made it be known that I was moving on and I wished her the best. I could tell she was crying but I didn't let that deter me. She said she still had feelings for me but she couldn't tell me what they are and said she still wishes I would stay in her life. I guess she'll be forced to deal with them without me being there for her. I feel a huge weight off my shoulders now and wanted to thank all those that gave me the courage to cut ties. I have already set a date up for friday with the pretty girl from Starbucks. I wil keep you posted on how that goes.

[Eddie Edirol]

Do you now see how pathetic her attempts to rope you in were, saying she has feelings but doesnt know what they are? Thats her slickly saying "I want to keep you wrapped around my finger but I cant be honest.."

[0hpenelope]

My ex doesn't understand why I dont want to be friends with her.

 

Exes (dumpers, usually) never do.