Author ccnaboy2000 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 How do yall think I handled it? Sounds a little like GIGs to me.
0hpenelope Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 She said she doesnt know why she feels this way maybe its because she is young. She then said she wants to be with me, and she doesnt see herself with anyone but me, but doesnt want to be stuck on me and lose out on possibly someone better than me. Then I told her, this is exactly why I'm not talking with you. You already broke my heart once before, why should I continue to hold onto hope that I'll be with you again when you are keeping the option open that someone better may be out there? She started crying. I then said you realize how selfish that is? That you want me to hold out for you while you entertain the idea of meeting someone better and you dont want to miss out on that opportunity? I'm protecting myself from heartbreak again in the future. You called her out on this! So proud of you, that takes guts! It sounds like you definitely didn't say it out of spite, but wow. Way to go! I said to me you say so much how you love, me but if you really loved me you would be with me and not entertain the idea that someone better may be out there. I dont entertain those thoughts, I'm a loyal guy and committed. She was still crying and said I know that about you. Atta boy! I then said to be honest you need to figure out your life and what you really want. I'm not going to stop you from dating other guys and doing what makes you happy. But at the same time I'm not going to wait around for you, while you see whats out there, because I deserve to be happy too. It doesnt mean I dont love you, it doesnt mean I dont care for you. But I wont let myself go through this heartbreak again. I teared up a bit on that part because I can relate to everything that you told her there. I can't stay in contact with my ex for this reason and being friends with him will include finding out about his new lovelife, his dating exploits, etc. He should find his happiness even if it's not with me, but I do not want to be around to witness that. You did really well... I wish I was at the point where you're not hurting anymore. My vote's definitely on this girl having G.I.G.S. She wants to explore options and that's fine, but she shouldn't expect you to stick around. You're going to miss out on awesome opportunities - in life, in dating, whatever - by choosing to wait for her. No way.
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) Yes nothing was out of spite at all, I said everything in a very calm and loving manner. I chose to go out with her tonight rather than have the talk right away at the house, because I wanted to have a fun time with her one last time, so I can leave that as a last impression. The endorphins were definitely going, and she was hanging onto my arm the whole night. I guess it may be a bastard way to go about it, but it needed to be done. Only thing I really feel bad about for the whole night, is she yet again paid for everything because I haven't gotten paid from my new job yet, and of course the let down I gave her at the end of the night. I did promise her when I get paid I'm going to mail her a few hundred dollars, because she did spend so much on me during this rough patch, and I was unable to reciprocate despite my desire to do so. It's something I need to do for myself, maybe my pride a little too? But yeah, the ball is in her court, and I think she finally gets it and understands. I know she does love me, but she's young, and her life is a mess. Thanks for listening though, I always like reassurance. I'm a firm believer of NC, but I guess I can just handle things differently because I know the concept of limitations and boundaries, which most newly devastated dumpees do not. And I guess it helps that it feels more like I'm in control of everything here, almost as if I reverse dumped her. BTW a couple hours later I got a text "I smoke almost that whole pack of cigarettes and my throat hurts" She is not a smoker. She smokes maybe a pack every 3 mos. and really only when she is stressed. So I found that amusing, because she had almost a full pack. Edited January 23, 2011 by ccnaboy2000
0hpenelope Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 And I guess it helps that it feels more like I'm in control of everything here, almost as if I reverse dumped her. I feel like I reverse dumped my ex, too, by rejecting his suggestion to be friends "eventually." He doesn't want me, he can't have any of me; he has loads of friends and I'm sure I won't be missed by him. I need to move on for myself.
heartshaped Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 No matter what she says or does, never ever take her back. She doesn't deserve you. I don't think this has anything to do with her being young or even the fact that you didn't have a job and were out of work. The bottom line is she is just not ready for a relationship. She doesn't understand/know what it takes to be in a relationship and she isn't ready to make that commitment either. It sounds like she wants to keep you around as her back up plan. I assure you she is at least, talking to other people, maybe going on dates, and just wants to keep you around in case whatever with whoever doesn't work out.
PowerOfOne Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 ccnaboy, our stories are very similar. I was out of work for 10 months. Had to move back to the olds after 8 years away from home (left when i was 19). She left just as I scored the dream job I'd chased all last year. My ex hasn't made a peep of contact since though - and neither have I. What heartshaped said is exactly right. It's word for word the conclusion I came to in my situation as well. Thankfully this new job as given me something to focus on and after 2 months (all NC) I feel like I've got all the confidence and self esteem I had at my last job. You've conducted yourself excellently! She won't find a better guy by the sounds of it. You on the other hand will find someone who doesn't take you for granted!
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 Thanks everyone for all the support. Yeah I have one job offer on the table for a Systems Administrator position, and I just got done with 3 interviews at a very very large company today for a Operations Network Engineer IV position, which I ACED that interview, and I should know tomorrow if they will offer me the position there, if they do I will take that job, if not I'll take the other job. It's a shame she gave up, jobs like many things in life are transitive, they come and go but we do our best to make our situation the best. It's just a shame because now I'll be making boatloads of cash, and I guess I'll just have to spend it all on me now The operations job is an 18 mos contract with chance to go perm, so if we got back together I guess I would have to worry about her leaving again if I wasn't brought on direct. And that's just plain too bad.
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Lol.. so I decided to test and see if she was lying when she said she just goes on OKcupid to read the messages and doesnt really talk to anyone and doesnt want to date anyone, never messages anyone. Well I decided to test that theory.. And guess what... shes a big ****in fat liar. I setup a fake profile, and hell she accepted my date and flirted the crap outta me. gave me her phone number callin me pet names. To top it off she even lied to my fake profile saying she was on there because the guys she meets at school are either idiots or just want sex.... LOL.... she hasnt been to school in over a year!!! Wow.... So I think she has the GIGs and it seems she really was keeping me around as a backup. **** THAT ****... 3 days ago tellin me how she hopes I'll be single still , i dont wanna date, all that crap. Glad I didnt buy it.
0hpenelope Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Lol.. so I decided to test and see if she was lying when she said she just goes on OKcupid to read the messages and doesnt really talk to anyone and doesnt want to date anyone, never messages anyone. Well I decided to test that theory.. And guess what... shes a big ****in fat liar. I setup a fake profile, and hell she accepted my date and flirted the crap outta me. gave me her phone number callin me pet names. To top it off she even lied to my fake profile saying she was on there because the guys she meets at school are either idiots or just want sex.... LOL.... she hasnt been to school in over a year!!! Wow.... So I think she has the GIGs and it seems she really was keeping me around as a backup. **** THAT ****... 3 days ago tellin me how she hopes I'll be single still , i dont wanna date, all that crap. Glad I didnt buy it. What is going on now? :confused:
Author ccnaboy2000 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Conversation from my fake profile on OKCupid. Seems like everything she's told me has been a lie? Whatta ya think? me: ur gorgeous her: Thank you =] me: your welcome, what are you up to cutie? her: not much. just got home from work. tired, but im tryin to find somewhere to go me: oh yeah, that sucks ur tired. I just got home from work too. Where did you have in mind of goin? Party it up? haha... on a Tuesday her: what do u do? im really not sure where, i just wanna be out. yea i have no weekends, i have 2 jobs. mon wed fri sat & sun im working at starbucks and tue and fri i do bookkeeping so i hate fridays and my "weekend" is thurs. pretty lame but its money =] me: oh sweet thats cool. 2 jobs, man ur a trooper! You deff should get out!! I currently work at a law firm in sunnyvale, I'm help assist the lawyers with all the paperwork and stuff. Its boring but its a job while I go to school at SJSU. her: i applied for a job like that but nothing happened. I would rather do an office job, im so tired of customer service, making drinks and coming home smelling like coffee, 3 years of that will drive u nuts. What are u studying at state? me: Awww I love coffee though, but maybe ur right smelling it everyday will drive you nuts. I'm currently a business major at state. I have 1 more year left until I graduate. After that I'll probably be looking for something different than what I'm doing now, this is kinda a dead end job. So what do you like to do for fun her: when im not working im usually doing things for my mom or i just chill w friends, im not huge on going to clubs. id rather have a little kickback or something w a few friends. ill be startin school again in feb so i prob wont have much time for anything again. me: aww i feel ya there. schools pretty tough and takes tons of focus, so you should have all the fun ya can get before it starts. you should come kickback with me sometime her: yea, my first class this sem starts at 745am yay =P && what do u have in mind? me: I dunno maybe we could just hang out maybe go see a movie, or go for a bike ride or something, I like a lot of things really. You said ur off thursdays right =P her: hey hun text me, computer is hurting my eyes, (xxx) xxx-xxxx but yea im off thurs. me: ehh my phone is dead. Let me throw it on da charger. So whats a pretty girl like u doin on okcupid anyway, ide think youd have guys throwin themselves at ya her: i get bored & dont go to clubs much && the guys i meet at school are pretty lame. so i figured id give this a try, not working out like i thought it would. Guys on here are either idiots or just want sex..or both. Not what im lookin for. me: oh yeah what r u lookin for? ;D I'm deff no idiot. and while I like sex I can say I'm not a raging maniac. her: just a normal guy that isnt a shallow egoistic compulsive lying idiot. someone with potential. im not "looking" for a relationship but id like to be an option. me: So just someone to casually date then? I'm down with that her: just someone to hang out w and get to know, and if it ends up it turns into something more then cool. i just dont like the pressure of dating. && im not into sleeping around. just to make that clear =P me: thanks for lying to me. It's been fun. her: im confused? her: not sure what i lied to u about. explain
Eddie Edirol Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Good boy getting some proof. Before i saw the last posts, I was going to say that she only keeps saying that she wants to be with you because she didnt want to be by herself. She wanted to have you for her disposal, which is what she said when she said she wanted to be single, and as you said, out there looking for better. Sex every 3 weeks means she wasnt attracted to you. She cant handle her ego getting bruised when you ignored her, she is a headcase. That is so great that you caught her out there. I love it. You must feel so vindicated. Watch those red flags for the next woman you date, see?
z00m25 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 good job man, i really think shes not worth your time and effort. keep up the NC let her go crazy for a while.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 wow, she threw you her digits that fast? Ya, be done with this one.. she has no clue what she wants.
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