Trying to make sense of it all

[CdnBlue]

I am a first time user to this site,really trying to make sense of what happened to me two weeks ago. My fiance was not herself during the holidays,we been both busy with work and plus I was trying to finish up a project before the snow set in here. My ex fiance likes to deal with life's small problems on here own, has told me a few times that because she sometimes doesn't show outward affection,it didn't mean she didn't still love me. New Years Eve she was very distant....so on New Years day I confronted her..........and she said she didn't love me anymore & was unhappy. I was floored,she gave me a Christmas card saying that she looked foward to growing old with me...and a week later she blindsided me. She said she doesn't want anything other that personal items,is walking away from it all and starting over. Her daughter said she wanted to stay with me, which I am very happy with,and that was been working out great.(she is leaving for university in a couple months)But I am still reeling, nothing makes sense. Since she has told me, she is like her old self,much happier, calls me everyday to see how I am and how things are, we even had lunch one day. I told my step-daughter that her Mom could not stay here with us and she understood.........as did my ex when I told her,she is now staying with a girlfriend of hers. When I asked what happened for her to feel this way......she said its was a lot of little things,but nothing specific. She said I am a great guy,that what is happening is all her fault not mine. We were together for 7+ years,never fought once.I couldnt believe I was so lucky.Now in the matter of a month or so its like she turned off a switch and has no feelings for me,she will not even touch or hug me. I am coping,having up and down days.....I have hobbies but been hard to get interested in anything. Oh btw, I lost my job 5 days later due to lack of work, and will not be rehired,which means lately I have had way too much spare time on my hands. I am trying to keep things simple in my mind.......that she doesnt love me, so I have to move on. But my mind keeps wandering back to what & why it happened. I can't help but feel what we had was a "once in a lifetime" type of relationship,am going to have a hard time trusting anyone else with my heart. But I dont want to live a life alone either

Edited January 17, 2011 by CdnBlue

[You Go Girl]

There is often a good chance that the person is seeing someone else already when they won't give you a solid reason.

You should look into that possibility.

Not having the reasons for the breakup, you have no way to process why it even happened, so no wonder that you are confused.

I think you need to corner her and get it out of her,whatever it is. You should insist, stating that you deserve this much after so much time together. You're letting her off the hook too easily as to why this breakup is occuring.

She's being evasive, and sometimes, but not always, that means she is hiding something, and that obviously, would be your replacement.

But don't jump to that conclusion. It is something you have to find out. First, give her the benefit of the doubt, and force the conversation as to why this breakup really is happening.

Realize that if she wants out, what she has to say isn't going to be pretty. Be prepared that if you want the truth, it may hurt, another man, or not.

Sometimes though, even cornered, people refuse to open up and tell you the truth you deserve after investing your heart in this relationship. Then there's nothing to do but start looking out for yourself. You won't even be able to find ways to improve yourself without criticism of how you've been. As much as criticism hurts, it is useful that way.

If you stand up for yourself and state to her that you at least deserve the truth and not vagueness after investing your heart and time, she may feel guilty enough to tell you. Thus far, she hasn't given you enough respect to even tell you the truth. It's time you show her that you deserve that respect.