nature Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Two years ago, my fiance and I broke up. He got cold feet, and started running around with his friends, partying like there was no tomorrow. We had been together almost 4 years, engaged for 2.5 of those years. We were supposed to be getting married and moving in together, and instead, he was avoiding me, getting drunk, and partying like he was 19 years old again. He did a complete 180. We had a big huge blowout and broke up. For a year after that, he kept emailing me, coming by my house, saying he blew it and missed me, and tried to get back together. At the same time, he was still partying like there was no tomorrow, so I said no, that I would not return to that behaviour and that he was in no way acting like someone who wanted a committed, adult relationship with me. Thus, after a year of communicating along the pretense of wanting to stay "friends", he cut me off. He got himself a new girlfriend immediately after the last time we talked. Yet I would still catch him driving by my house. A few months ago I go out for dinner with a few girlfriends. He walks in to the place with his new girlfriend, and even tho there were quite a few empty tables far away and out on the veranda, he chose to sit at the table right beside ours. It made me sick to my stomach seeing him sitting there with her, with her hand on his arm, googly eyed at each other. Now I catch him driving by my house again. I live in a little subdivision out of the way, so it's not a coincidence. The other day i was walking my dog at the beach, adn he drove by staring at me, did a uturn on the road, and drove back by again. As far as I know he's still dating the new girl. It still saddens me, but at the same time, i'm not angry. Just wondering what he could be thinking. I know it's stupid I'm wondering, but I am.
PegNosePete Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Are you NC with him? When was the last time you spoke/texted/emailed?
Author nature Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 Yes we are no contact. the last time we spoke, was a year ago by phone where he said we can't be friends anymore and need to both move on with our lives. I said, "that is fine and I agree, and the only reason I was attempting to be friends with him was because he so adamently wanted to after we broke up. but that it is too impossible for us to be friends because the deep feelings are still there and it hurts." The evening he sat at the table with his new girl next to mine, I later was returning from the washroom and he was going to the washroom and we gave each other a big smile and said hi as we passed. That was 6 months ago. But that is the only communication we've had.
january2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 If he's trying to get a reaction out of you, it appears that he's on his way to succeeding. I suggest ignoring it unless it becomes more intrusive and steps into stalking territory. Let him play little games if he wants to, you don't have to participate. You have your life and it looks like you're doing perfectly fine without him.
Author nature Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 Do you think that's what he's doing? Trying to get a reaction out of me? Even tho he has a new girl of a year? Believe me, he's gotten no reaction. I am not a reactionary person in the least.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 This is stalkerish behavior. He obviously needs to "get it" that you don't want any contact with him. You need to contact the police, and file a restraining order. Even if he wasn't dangerous in your relationship, he's acting dangerous now.
Author nature Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 The point I am actually wondering, is why he is doing this when he has a new girlfriend of a year. I have had stalker's before, so know stalkish behaviour for sure! But if I am dating someone and in a relationship with them of a year, I am not checking out what my ex is doing. Usually I don't even think of my ex. So Im confuse. I guess. Probably stupid of me to even wonder, but i do.
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