After 5 year Affair, multiple attempts at NC, Depression.....SUCCESS!!!!

January 17, 2011

I have been around this website for a couple years now with my story (the story itself starts over 6 years ago give or take.) This is very long as are most of my update posts but I think it's helpful so if you have ten minutes I hope you read and find it useful ;-) If you have time and motivation feel free to read my prior threads or recent ones to get an idea of where I come from (there's a hella lot of them...you won't get to all but if you're bored...)

Long story short: had a 5 year-ish on and off affair with my married former-co-worker. I fell madly in love with him and despite what I am sure were reciprocated feelings, and arguments a plenty with both my friends and people on this board, what remained was unavoidable....he was never going to leave his wife and three small children. Bluntly, as much as he loved me, he wasn't ready to ruin the rest of his life. He was too content with having his happy family life, and having me as his emotional/sexual/romantic fullfillment.

It wrecked havoc on my mental state. I nearly messed up my career in medicine at times because I couldn't focus, coudln't sleep, was just miserable with the back and forth nature of our relationship, how I became emotionally more entrenched, but that I knew this was just going no where. I coudn't find the strength to leave, ever. I couldn't find any man to compare to MM or make me feel I could find that kind of intense love feeling with someone else. I had hope on a logical level that I could find love with someone else, but emotionally I had difficulty really believing that. I had a couple of near-close situations with other men, but they never lasted and I would go back to the same comfort of MM. Even though the situation made me miserable, the sheer joy I felt in the moments i was WITH him made me come back over and over.

Essentially, he was my drug. He made me feel beautiful, wonderful, the sex was amazing, and despite his married state I have always known he finds me irresistible and cares deeply for me, and that was hard to walk away from.

Just because someone loves you and you love them....unfortunately that is NOT enough to make a happy life. It's a necessary factor, but one must be realistic....being the other woman (OW) wasn't making me happy in the long run. It did not matter that he probably was more attracted to me than his wife, and it didn't matter that he had a better spark with me, or whatever excuses I made for why he couldn't get a divorce (eg- he's staying for the house, the kids, the social status...whtever). None of those reasons mattered, because at the end of the day he was never getting a divorce.

I will say I learned a ton from this affair. I really did. I learned A LOT about how men think and feel in relationships, and hope to avoid the mistakes his wife and he have made in their relationship in my own.

But we had yet another D-Day in April of 2009, and it was a bad one in which I thought he would never come back to me again. He'd always come back before, but I was convinced this time he was done for fear his wife would truly divorce him and take his kids if she caught him yet again. So for 17 months we had no contact. Maybe an email or two regarding mutual work issues, but nothing else. Then one day out of the blue he finds himself stranded in my neighborhood due to a random act of nature at 11 pm at night, and he has no choice but to sleep at his office. I live two blocks from his office. He texts me, for the first time in 17 months, and I was floored. Despite all my best intentions, I let him stay over my apartment that night and ended up having sex with him again, after this being literally the first time we had seen each other in over a year and a half following a horrible D-Day break up. I felt like I was falling into the same trap, all the old emotions came rushing back, and he broke down confessing he missed me so much and had never stopped thinking about me. it confused me so much, because all that 17 months I'd thought he'd forgotten about me and started to convince myself that maybe he never did care about me, which had somehow made it harder to forget about him. But he did care. And somehow that revelation , though initially heartbreaking and confusing, eventually saved me I think. I don't know why it did....but it did.

I know that for some people total NC is the only that that will work to get over an affair, and it is for many, but for me this sort of minor relapse and finding out how he really felt for once , somehow it made me feel at peace. i can't explain it. Maybe enough time had passed for me to be more mature about the situation (let's be honest...I started this affair when I was like barely 22 years old and I'm hitting 30 in a couple years now. No one is the same person at early 20's as they are many years later....)

He asked me after that incident after 17 months if we could try to be "friends". He wanted me really badly, but the guilt made him feel awful, and he thought that if we could just be friends it would feed his need to see me and have me in his life without the added guilt of a sexual affair. I agreed , because frankly I do and always WILL care so , so much about him, that it seemed MORE overwhelming for me to pretend he didn't exist, than to try to have a respectable friendship. So that's what we tried to do, for a couple months, and it was hard to keep from kissing him every time I saw him but I did it. I held back. I behaved. We had dinner, we talked, we gave each other rides home in the evening, and we behaved. We actually acted like good friends, like the relationship we had when we first met. I missed that. A lot. After a couple years into our affair, we had lost all sight of our friendship. it had become a sex thing that I had loved in some ways and loathed in others because I felt like we had reduced our real connection to a fly-by morning f**k on his way to work. It cheapened our friendship, and now we had it back.

Throughout this year, maybe back in April, my girlfriend had introduced me to a friend of hers (let's call him.....Michael, for now.). He lived out of state, and I started chatting to him via emails and etc, and he was really cute/nice/etc but shy at first, and I was still having a hard time getting over MM so I didn't invest much thought in this new guy yet. Especially around the time me and MM relapsed, I can't say I had Michael in the forefront of my mind, and truth at that time I hadn't met him in person yet, because my friend had introduced us via emails/IM's. He used to live here, but had to move.

But I started to speak to him more and more as the months went and realised how wonderful he was. It was weird, but i was starting to really like him from our chats. It went from emails, to IM's and phone calls, until we were speaking for hours at a time, nearly every single day. My friend who introduced us, she always had wonderful things to say about him. He seemed to be genuinly a REALLY nice guy. He was funny, intelligent, sensitive and , as a bonus.....he's pretty damn hot too, and so completely unaware of how good looking he is that it's bizarre, but he's just totally shy and normal. I started to admit I kinda liked him but felt so weird about having feelings for someone else. I figured just like any other "new" guy I'd try to like in these last few years, that somehow it would go horribly wrong anyway, so waht was the point? But because he was not just a random guy, but someone that was a mutual friend, I figured he can't be that bad. He seemed nice, funny, succesful, sweet, good looking, and the same age as me too.

He came to visit here in November (at which point we'd been speaking for like 8 months). I told MM about Michael, briefly, before he got here, and MM seemed jealous. He said he was happy I was speaking to someone new, but it was apparent he was a bit jealous, though I think he didn't get too upset because frankly I had never shown big interest in any other man but him in most of the time he'd known me.

So long story short, but I met Michael in person after extensive daily chats, and.....i can't even describe it. I fancy myself a very intelligent, logical, reasonable woman despite some past relationship choices. I am not the type to believe in love at first sight but when I met Michael....wow. I mean...just wow. He shows up with flowers, smiling. Sparks everywhere. We spent every single day of his vacation here, barring a couple when he had to make time to see friends, together. He stayed at my place, and it was like something out of a movie the way we got on. One Sunday he had spent the night the day before, and it was raining that day, and we spent all day in bed, talking and laughing (among other things), leaving the house only to walk my dog and get food. He couldn't stop staring at me, telling me how gorgeous and amazing I am and how he couldn't believe he'd found a woman with every single quality he has ever looked for in one person (literally, those were his words.) He is , quite possibly, the most amazing, romantic man I've ever met in my life.

In fact, our time and connection together was so amazing, that before he left, he basically said that he wanted to be with me and no one else. That he had thought he might feel that way before we met up in person, but that our in-person time together sealed the deal for him. That he knew long distance would be rough at first, but that he would be a fool to not at least try to make it work with someone that is everything he has ever looked for in a woman. I melted. Someone that I felt intensely about was feeling the same way back, and further, he wanted to make a comittment to me. Not "oh i dont know"....he steadfastly said he wanted me to be his girlfriend, full on monogamous relationship. I didn't even have to think twice. It felt so right, I don't know how to explain it. I don't rush into things....ever. But with him it feels so natural.

I saw MM after Michael went back home and he asked me how it went and I told him....and I've never seen him look so miserable in my life. For the first time in 6 years MM, of all people, calls me weekly, trying so so far to be my "friend" now, but i can see how much he is hurt by the fact that I have found someone that can give me 100% attention. I said to MM in the car "look, I don't mean to sound mean, but it was nice for once to have someone that was with me and not rushing to go home to his wife after we made love."

MM made a joke about how he had to get out of the car now , but I could see how bloody miserable he looked. He tried to act happy for me, and perhaps he is on some level. But as much as I always will care about him....I am, as difficult as it is for me to admit emotions sometimes, falling in love with Michael. He is....there are no words how amazing he is. We've made our relationship "official" for over a month now (have been speaking for well over 9 months), and it is still new, of course, but it gets stronger and more emotional and amazing every single day. He's coming here again in a week, and is trying to find a way to move back to this city to be with me, but I'm not really worried about it right now because I've done long-distance before and I think that in the grand scheme of things that is not an insurmountable obstacle, and frankly, with my current schedule at the hospital sometimes it helps to have a long-distance love while we continue to get to know each other because there's less pressure, though to be fair we probably spend all our free time when we're not at work, sleeping or being a tad social speaking to each other via Skype or something (video chats help) :-).

So, after this novela, my point is this: after nearly 6 years of misery, back and forth affair, thinking I would never find anyone I felt like this about....it's completely turned around. If you told me 6-9 months ago that I would be in a relationship right now, completely head over heels for this amazing new man who feels exactly the same way about me as I do about him, I would have told you that yo're crazy. I have FULL confidence that he wants no one else but me right now. He's not running to go home to his wife, he's not making excuses for why he can't see me. He is sweet, caring, wonderful and taking every effort to speak to me and see me as often as humanly possible because he, by his own DAILY admission, absolutely adores me. He thinks I'm perfect, and I feel the same way about him. I don't know where this relationship will go, but for once in my life, and for the first time in 6 years , I am in a healthy relationship with a man that can devote all his romantic attention to me, just like it always should have been.

Don't know what else to say. I hope I never have to come back here again to discuss any affairs, any MMs at all, though if this continues to go well hopefully I can come back and report that my success story, even though it took this long, is still a success story. It took me 6 years, but it doesn't have to take you six years. I wish I could have seen that before, but I suppose everything happens for a reason, and I hope if anyone is stuck in an affair right now you can read my story, from the beginning if you have the time, and see how much misery it caused me, and how you CAN be happy if you leave this affair. Wish me luck....I do the same to you :-)

January 17, 2011

I have been around this website for a couple
Essentially, he was my drug. He made me feel beautiful, wonderful, the sex was amazing, and despite his married state I have always known he finds me irresistible and cares deeply for me, and that was hard to walk away from.

But we had yet another D-Day in April of 2009, and it was a bad one in which I thought he would never come back to me again. He'd always come back before, but I was convinced this time he was done for fear his wife would truly divorce him and take his kids if she caught him yet again.
So beginning if you have the time, and see how much misery it caused me, and how you CAN be happy if you leave this affair. Wish me luck....I do the same to you :-)

goodluck kismet. i wish you will find the real happiness that you truly deserve.

im just a bit surprised that you went back to being the ow right after dday. i cant. my xmm been trying but i will only get back to him if he decides. he didnt. he disappeared. im stil hurting but i am in a better place..i am still healing. trying very hard to.

all the best to you... ))hugs((

January 17, 2011

goodluck kismet. i wish you will find the real happiness that you truly deserve.
im just a bit surprised that you went back to being the ow right after dday. i cant. my xmm been trying but i will only get back to him if he decides. he didnt. he disappeared. im stil hurting but i am in a better place..i am still healing. trying very hard to.
all the best to you... ))hugs((

LOL!??

So SOON? I'm not sure if you read my whole post, or you just skimmed, which is understandable as it is bloody long....but after our last D-Day I did not see him again for 17 WHOLE MONTHS. I would not say that is a short time or "so soon", would you?

Regardless the point of this posting was to show that, yeah, I was miserable before, but I have a wonderful, amazing, perfect boyfriend now that treats me like a princess without me even trying, begging, or rationalising.

If I can find it so can anyone. You will eventually look back on your situation and be glad you are no longer in it, and you WILL find a situation that is better, and a man who can give you the 100% devotion you deserve. I did, and it feels amazingly wonderful. Best of luck to you :-)

January 17, 2011

Wow, KG, I'm impressed. From your posts at the time when MM happened to be in your neighborhood, I would not have guessed your heart would be open to anyone else. It's great to hear that you found the place where you were ready to step away from pain and addiction. Your story reads like a love at first sight story, but one doesn't experience those feelings unless you are open to it. Somehow you found the capacity to open your heart to another, after keeping it tied up for so many years in the rollercoaster of an affair. That is inspiring. Good for you!

January 17, 2011

Congrats KG. Am so happy for you.

January 17, 2011

Awwww.... This story made me smile HUGE this morning.... Thank you so much for sharing and helping us see that there really is hope out there!!!

I think the fact that most OW feel that no one else could possibly adore and and swoon over them is what makes it so hard to leave... It's like no one else could ever measure up... Success stories like this tell us otherwise. Please keep us updated!!! I haven't read through your previous posts but I might just take the time to do that this week.

I'm so happy for you!!! Congrats on making it through this

January 17, 2011

Congrats! Does Michael know about mm? The years invested and the friendship? I don't want to see that be a dealbreaker for him so please tread lightly. Mm still has the ability to TRY and sabotage you now that he is jealous. Never forget their selfishness and master manipulation. Don't fall for it. At this point I think even the friendship has to go.

January 17, 2011

Good luck.

Now totally get mm out of your life before you screw it up with the single guy.

Does he know about mm? That could be an obstacle.

January 17, 2011

I'm so happy for you K! Michael's a lucky man, and I wish you both the best!

January 17, 2011

Plus you continuing your friendship with him is kind of disrespectful to his family.

And it's very disrespectful to Michael.

You don't need MM in your life in any way...you're sooo beyond that now!

Congratulations on finding real love, Kismet.

January 17, 2011

Close the door completely with the MM, bolt it, cement it whatever the heck you have to do. Keep walking into your blessings and don't look back.

January 17, 2011

I'm so happy for you KG!!

You've been through so much hurt and pain with xMM and now you found someone wonderful that will be good to you and be there for you 100%.

Its such a fantastic feeling.

I'm there right now too. I've been dating a fantastic guy for almost 3 months now, and its such a 180 to go from a loser that lies ALL the time, and has nothing substantial to offer to a sweet guy that surprises me with flowers, makes me breakfast the next morning, holds my hand and tells me how amazing I am and how happy I make him feel.

I really hope that everything keeps on going great with "Michael", but I gotta say that I'm with everyone else on you getting xMM out of your life completely, NOT because you're likely to cheat on Michael, but if xMM is that jealous and he's so miserable you found somone else, he WILL try all sorts of things to make you slip (I don't think lonely xMMs are above sabotaging your new happy relationships - I know that from first hand experience.) - and really 1 slip will ruin your chances with an awesome guy like michael - so not worth it. Be very careful.

I wish you the very best

January 17, 2011

....the point of this posting was to show that, yeah, I was miserable before, but I have a wonderful, amazing, perfect boyfriend now that treats me like a princess without me even trying, begging, or rationalising.

If I can find it so can anyone. You will eventually look back on your situation and be glad you are no longer in it, and you WILL find a situation that is better, and a man who can give you the 100% devotion you deserve. I did, and it feels amazingly wonderful. Best of luck to you :-)

Hey KG. I read every word of all your posts after the disaster and I've been waiting for an update! I'm so glad to see it's a happy one!

What I've bolded above speaks volumes. We all deserve this, but unfortunately have a hard time escaping from the trying, begging and rationalizing (me included) when in R w/MM. And you need to be open in order to find it and accept it into your life.

I'm still in the early stage of the latest "break up" so am not quite where I'd like to be yet. I'm glad things have worked out so well for you! Take care.

January 17, 2011

KG.........good news! I'm happy for you.

As others have pointed out, I think it's time to get xmm completely out of your life as he could screw up this new relationship for you and your new guy will probably have a hard time understanding why you want to remain friends with someone who has hurt you so much.

I wish you all the best!

January 17, 2011

so very happy for you KG!!!! I read every word of this post and will go back to read the others. You bring us hope. Don't stop coming here - come back and give us updates. Besides... you just might find yourself posting on the OTHER forum on LS - Long distance relationships.

Congrats again girl!!!

January 17, 2011

KG I am so happy to see this post. You deserve this happiness and always did.

January 17, 2011

Congrats!!!! I am really happy for you. I have to ask as a single gal. What do you feel you have learned that makes you confident you can keep a man from cheating?

I think cheating has more to do with personality of the cheater than what husband or wife does. There are people who simply lack empathy for another,selfish folks. There are also many people who are" romance and relationship addicts". I consider my sister that. After the "infatuation stage" or "honeymoon stage", they are off to search for another adrenaline high with the next "perfect person". Those people if they marry are prone to affairs.

So are people wth personality disorders. My father is a classic NPD. I wish my mother would have realized long ago that no matter how beautiful she was, no matter how loving,he was more prone to cheating because of his personality disorder.

I do believe there are some good men out there. But I think it is the luck of choosinbg a man who is emotionally mature (high EQ) that will greatly guarentee success in marriage and infidelity. I am sure if many OW really got to know the MOM day in and day out they would realize he is either immature, is romance or love addicted, or had a personalitty disorder. So many times spouse has nothing to do wth the infidelity.

having a front seat to my father's infidelities, my sister and half-sister(from my father's affair), the common denominator for all is immaturity and selfishness. In fact, I can think of a few cousins with spouses who cheated and overwhelmingly see the selfishness and immaturity of their spouse is apparent.But again, I have a very close relationship with them. Most people on the outside will think me crazy if I tell them how my sisters really are, until they learn of their history.

I am begining to believe a majority to women who cheat are married to really good men. A majority of men who cheat are married to really good women. This is from what I have seen.For some reason I think these people find good trusting folks to have in their lives. that is why OW was chosen.

I for one do not hold the excuse that needs weren't met and that is why the cheater cheated. My sisters both were good people, but horrible wives. One sister married 4x. Their husbands needs were not met either but husbands were good and faithful men. my half-sister had an affair and tried to pass her son off as her husbands for years.

My father could not have asked for a better wife. He was satan at home. Yet,villanized one of the kindess people anyone would have the fortune to meet. My mother was amazingly so beautiful inside and outside that all through high school and afterwards any men my sisters and I would introduce to her would sit stunned at her beauty. She had so many men who were interested. Yet, she never once cheated. It is lack of character and integrity that allows a man or woman to come home to spouse and kids day after day and lie to their face.

A ONS can be a mistake. But deceiving someone for years and years and disrespecting them to OW and only thinking about your wants is beyond selfish. The kids,financial and family excuse is one MP have been using forever to excuse their cowardly and selfish ways.

Edited January 17, 2011 by jlola

January 17, 2011

It is crazy how much hell we can put ourselves through in an A. If only it was simply cutting off contact that we could end it..but it seems many need several attempts at NC to get away-and have their life falling apart all around them to see the damage it created! Hope I can get to a place where I feel it no longer affects me anymore! Good luck on your path to happiness

January 17, 2011

Congrats! He sounds like a wonderful guy!! I wish you both the best.

January 17, 2011

Awesome, KG! I wish you lots of happiness.

January 17, 2011

A really touching story, I only discovered this forum via some similar... issues myself, and stumbled across your regression a while back. I'm glad to see things are working out so well for you.

I must ask, does Michael know about your affair? It's been a rather large part of your life, but I do believe you should watch your step here. He seems like a great guy, and that itself is why you should be careful about what details you divulge.

This is just my opinion, but it would take a certain kind of person to simply look the other way, if one was to discover one's love interest played the role of mistress to a married man with three kids for so many years... and still keeps contact with said man, to boot.

The thought could eat away at him, like insects in his skull. He may think less of you, come to easily despise ex-mm, and possibly even you in turn for having been a participant in this. It's simply how the male mind works.

I really hate to rain on the parade though. I've grown a fondness for you over your ability to overcome this affair, and wish you all the best.

But if you haven't told him, you really should bear that in mind. Keeping any semblance of contact with ex-mm is very dubious as it is. This man was a part of your past, a part which you should cast aside for your own sake... and equally importantly, the sake of Michael.

All the best KismetGirl.

- Z

January 17, 2011

Wow, KG, I'm impressed. From your posts at the time when MM happened to be in your neighborhood, I would not have guessed your heart would be open to anyone else. It's great to hear that you found the place where you were ready to step away from pain and addiction. Your story reads like a love at first sight story, but one doesn't experience those feelings unless you are open to it. Somehow you found the capacity to open your heart to another, after keeping it tied up for so many years in the rollercoaster of an affair. That is inspiring. Good for you!

Thanks! I think i was always open to the idea (nay, I think I really hoped for it), but I just was waiting to find someone who gave me that same "butterflies" feeling I felt with MM, that combo of physical and mental attraction, and I found it here so far with Michael! Maybe it's just the right time, right place, but things finally crossed at the right moment for once, whereas before it seemd like my love life was constant "wrong time, wrong place." Let's hope the positive keeps going :-)

January 17, 2011

Super happy for you, Kismet girl!!!! I remember your story from awhile back, and it is just fantastic to know you are experiencing this joy now. Enjoy it fully!

And since I saw Sex and the City episodes last week, I gotta tell you that you keeping in touch with MM reminds me of Carrie keeping in touch with Big.. Just a thought. That's a movie, this is your life.

Yay for you!

January 17, 2011

Congrats!!!! I am really happy for you. I have to ask as a single gal. What do you feel you have learned that makes you confident you can keep a man from cheating?

I think cheating has more to do with personality of the cheater than what husband or wife does. There are people who simply lack empathy for another,selfish folks. There are also many people who are" romance and relationship addicts". I consider my sister that. After the "infatuation stage" or "honeymoon stage", they are off to search for another adrenaline high with the next "perfect person". Those people if they marry are prone to affairs.

So are people wth personality disorders. My father is a classic NPD. I wish my mother would have realized long ago that no matter how beautiful she was, no matter how loving,he was more prone to cheating because of his personality disorder.

I do believe there are some good men out there. But I think it is the luck of choosinbg a man who is emotionally mature (high EQ) that will greatly guarentee success in marriage and infidelity. I am sure if many OW really got to know the MOM day in and day out they would realize he is either immature, is romance or love addicted, or had a personalitty disorder. So many times spouse has nothing to do wth the infidelity.

having a front seat to my father's infidelities, my sister and half-sister(from my father's affair), the common denominator for all is immaturity and selfishness. In fact, I can think of a few cousins with spouses who cheated and overwhelmingly see the selfishness and immaturity of their spouse is apparent.But again, I have a very close relationship with them. Most people on the outside will think me crazy if I tell them how my sisters really are, until they learn of their history.

I am begining to believe a majority to women who cheat are married to really good men. A majority of men who cheat are married to really good women. This is from what I have seen.For some reason I think these people find good trusting folks to have in their lives. that is why OW was chosen.

I for one do not hold the excuse that needs weren't met and that is why the cheater cheated. My sisters both were good people, but horrible wives. One sister married 4x. Their husbands needs were not met either but husbands were good and faithful men. my half-sister had an affair and tried to pass her son off as her husbands for years.

My father could not have asked for a better wife. He was satan at home. Yet,villanized one of the kindess people anyone would have the fortune to meet. My mother was amazingly so beautiful inside and outside that all through high school and afterwards any men my sisters and I would introduce to her would sit stunned at her beauty. She had so many men who were interested. Yet, she never once cheated. It is lack of character and integrity that allows a man or woman to come home to spouse and kids day after day and lie to their face.

A ONS can be a mistake. But deceiving someone for years and years and disrespecting them to OW and only thinking about your wants is beyond selfish. The kids,financial and family excuse is one MP have been using forever to excuse their cowardly and selfish ways.

I am confident because I know that ultimately that sort of thing is out of my hands, so why stress over it?

My MM, he wasn't a "serial" cheater. I was the only one, the first one. Obviously he was unhappy with something in his life, as opposed to just being unable to keep it in his pants with every woman he met or something.

But yes, the whole cheating thing can happen to anyone just once I suppose, but that's where you have to do what I said above....just let it go and trust that the person you are with will be faithful. That's all you can do, right? How does it help you to be paranoid and neurotic about it? That kind of behaviour will probably drive the other person crazy and make them want to cheat anyway lol.

In all seriousness, my own father cheated several times (is married to his last mistress actually), but it is what it is. Michael , so far, seems to be the type who would never do that. He said to me once "i never cheated on the women who made me miserable...why would I be stupid enough to cheat on you, who makes me happy and I adore?"

And, you know what, I have to trust him that he is telling me the truth. I have a good feeling with him, and things will fall where they may. Much like your eventual death and taxes, there is only so much you can control about it, the rest is up to fate.

Trying to psychoanalyse everyone you know and why they did what they did will do nothing but ruin whatever relationships you try to sustain yourself. No two people are alike, even if they have similiarties. You and whatver man you end up with are different than your father, sisters, or whoever else you know, so stop comparing yourself.

You control your own fate, and unfortunately part of relationships entail trusting the other person. It's like religion, right? Blind faith. I'm not religious, but I imagine that is a similiar sentiment. You can easily be disappointed by someone if they break that trust, but that is a risk of love, and frankly, I think that the risks and bad moments are far outweighed by that one situation of love and success.

Up to you to decide how to approach life. Thats how ii decided to approach mine. Especially how I am right now, in a long distance situation, i tell myself sometimes "he's sweet, he's a really good looking guy, i'm sure girls hit on him all the time". F**k, last time he was visiting here, a girl he used to hook up with is still in his group of friends, and I guess she was unaware me and him are dating now because she BLATANTLY hit on him ALL night right in front of me, so obviously he has other women interested in him, but he didn't respond, didn't care, and his only response to her was to be polite but distant, and at the end of the night, he went home with me :-)

So I sometimes feel a twinge of anxiety knowing he's so far and has female friends and etc, but I have plenty of male friends and am friends with some of my exes, and I know for a fact I would never cheat on him, so I have to give him that same trust for now.

Good luck.

January 17, 2011

It is crazy how much hell we can put ourselves through in an A. If only it was simply cutting off contact that we could end it..but it seems many need several attempts at NC to get away-and have their life falling apart all around them to see the damage it created! Hope I can get to a place where I feel it no longer affects me anymore! Good luck on your path to happiness

It took me several tries, several years, before I started to feel strong about my affair situation, and look what happened, i end up meeting someone wonderful and new. It's different for everyone but it is possible, and the thing to remember is....your situation is probably not making you happy now if you're in an affair, so as hard as it seems to get out of it, it's the proverbial "band-aid" metaphor....it hurts alot when you rip it off, but in the long run you're clean and free, as opposed to having that rotting band-aid still stuck on your skin.

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After 5 year Affair, multiple attempts at NC, Depression.....SUCCESS!!!!

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