casey001 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Hey Just wanted a bit of input here. Im gunna cut a very very long story short and hope you get the idea. I was seeing this guy who I unfortunately work with. We were inseperable and he would send me cute txts and make me feel like the most special girl in the world. To cut it very very short he used me . Everything was a lie (i think) and he was sleeping with other people. Literally a week ago he sends me a loving sms making me think its all back on, then comes to work the next day annoucning he has a new gf. I would have done anything for this guy. I loved him and was so dam nice and paitent with him. Him announcing to the workplace that he as a new gf absolutly cut me in half Anyway my problem here is how I act round him. I am having a real issue drawing the boundaries between NC and being immature. The first two days I just couldn't even look at him never mind speak to him and stayed weeelll away. He kept coming up to me thinking everything was normal and I would see him coming and walk off somewhere or pretend I was busy. The third day he basically cornered me and started asking me dumb work questions and I just answered like normal as I didnt know what to do. He seemed on top of the moon that I wasn't mad and bounced around all day with a big grin after that. So since then everytime I have seen him I have pretended to be busy. If he comes near me I will pick up a phone or start talking to someone to avoid him. The thing is he keeps coming up to me time and time again and im starting to feel like im being a bit immature by doing this. Its dam obvious that im avoiding him as we are normally inseperable. He thinks he has done no wrong. He is coming over to talk to me more and more each day and I dont know if I should just swallow my pride and be normal with him. He used me, disrespected me and broke my heart but he thinks he has done no wrong and now its starting to make me feel like the immature idiot Please let me know If I am doing the right thing. I am totally lost! Any replies would be amazing!!
DuckFan Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 By avoiding contact as much as possible you are actually giving yourself a defense mechanism, which is perfectly normal. If this guy thinks that he has done no wrong, there is nothing you can do about it. The best thing you can do is portray happiness around him, act as if everything that happened does not bother you and only have contact with him as much as is required by your job. Eventually your portrayal of happiness with turn into real happiness and closure with this situation that has hurt you.
Nexus One Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 If he cheated on you and thinks he has done nothing wrong, then he's a sociopathic player. That means he is able to inflict pain and suffering on others without registering that those people are in pain or suffering. If what you say is true, then you need to stay far away from him for your own mental health. He will only destroy you psychologically and not even realize you are hurting and falling apart. Although I somewhat get the feeling there's a possibility we're not getting the entire story here.
Author casey001 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 Thnks Around everyother work collage im totally normal and happy but I wont go near him and im afraid it makes me look like I really care and can't get over him! We used to be inseperable until he did what he did so its darn obvious that something has upset me. I want to avoid him for my own moving on sake but I also want him to know he can't treat people like that or he will lose them so im really trying to take a stand. Is this immature? Im not the only one of his past girls who is now ignoring him but I seem to be the only one he cares about as he keeps coming up to me. Do I suck it up and just be friendly or continue to take a stand possibly looking immature to him and helping him justify his decision?
Author casey001 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 Nexus I would love to tell the whole story but you would be reading for pages!! The reason he thinks he has done no wrong is that we weren't an official couple. He would tell me I was his only one but we weren't official so I guess he had right to sleep with other people. Its just the lies I guess that really hurt me and how he kept telling me it was only me then suddenly getting a new gf
Nexus One Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I want to avoid him for my own moving on sake but I also want him to know he can't treat people like that or he will lose them so im really trying to take a stand. Is this immature? No, but if he's really like you describe him, then I doubt he will understand. In that case your making a stand will be a futile endeavor. but I seem to be the only one he cares about as he keeps coming up to me. Sociopaths are incapable of caring by definition. Well perhaps they can care about money, status, pleasure and winning. But that's about it. I'm still not sure I entirely understand the situation though, like there's something missing from your story, but I can't put my finger on it.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 he's f*cking with you, obviously. the new gf may or may not exist but either way, just be cool. be polite and short with him -- textbook professionalism is all that's required here. you'll be back to normal in a month or two.
Author casey001 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 I guess hes not a bad person but he uses ALOT of girls! He seems to flip moods from day to day and one day he will like you and the next he will despise you. I think to put it in basic terms he just kept me on the sidelines telling me what I wanted to hear and making me think that we were leading onto something great. We would have big indepth convos about where he would say his days of playing girls were over and I was the only girl for him from now on. He would send me a card saying he loved me then literally that night get drunk and sleep with another girl and never seemed very remorseful, infact blamed me for not showing enough interest. I just thought it would have been respectful for him to stop sending me all the 'xxxxxxx' type sms when he was lining up another girl and atleast tell me what was going on rather than just shut me out and let me find out through work people that he now has a new gf. It really hurt
Nexus One Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 The reason he thinks he has done no wrong is that we weren't an official couple. Define: we weren't an official couple
Author casey001 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 I was never his 'official' gf. We never had a label. He would say it was only me and I dont have to share him and bla bla but we were never official so I guess I dont have a right to get mad
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I guess hes not a bad person but he uses ALOT of girls! WRONG!!!!!! he uses a lot of "WILLING" girls (you forgot to include "willing", didn't you?). don't put this all on him, unless he held a firearm to your head, okay? perhaps you were too easy? take a look in the mirror, love; then learn from this experience. there's a reason that the naive among us are consistently targeted.
Author casey001 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 Well I dont think I would call myself willing. I was clear from the start that I wanted a relationship and not just sex. I also said I didnt want to share etc and he said his days of playing are over and he wants only me. So dumb maybe, but not willing
Nexus One Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I was never his 'official' gf. We never had a label. He would say it was only me and I dont have to share him and bla bla but we were never official so I guess I dont have a right to get mad Whatever label you guys had or didn't have doesn't matter. Because if he said you wouldn't have to share him, then he obviously lied about that in retrospect. For that you can hold him accountable and for that you are justified to be mad. Have you told him that you're angry because he lied about that and about the fact that he broke that promise?
Author casey001 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 No I have said nothing, Im just avoiding him. I know dam well if I say something he will hit back and make me look like and idiot. He will say we are just friends and laugh in my face. I just wanna know if im doing the right think by avoiding him or if i should just suck it up and be friendly and continue to let him think he has done no wrong
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Well I dont think I would call myself willing. I was clear from the start that I wanted a relationship and not just sex. I also said I didnt want to share etc and he said his days of playing are over and he wants only me. So dumb maybe, but not willing you may want to take 30 seconds and make a flash card of the following: "naive - having or showing a lack of experience, judgment, or information; credulous: She's so naive she believes everything she's told." flash it once a minute for all of 2011, then call me in the morning; cool?
Questionis Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 What this guy is doing is a bit messed up. You should stay well clear of him. Can you change jobs?
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