damian Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 (edited) I chat to S online and text for a week, beginning of August last year, its awesome and when i finally meet her at a train station with a red rose for her i am on cloud nine. Amazing sex from 2nd date onwards. Next 2 months are amazing. We live 50 miles apart so we spend alot of time texting and on MSN. At the beginning she told me her widow from 3 months earlier commited suicide due to lifelong depression, and when she started to lose weight, he began thinking she was cheating on him. She couldnt leave the house after the funeral as whole town blamed her for his death and would cross the street to avoid her. Poor girl i think and i console her at every opportunity as she breaks down now and again. Also at the very beggining, an ex from apparently before she met her hubby, was texting her for sex (she had sex with him after the funeral as she said he took advantage). She texted him when i was there to say go away i have a bf. We share some truly heartfelt moments and we say we love each other constantly. I am so happy. We even talk about kids and moving in together. I notice she is quite needy and demanding for attention if i dont text her sharpish. I am flattered at first but soon say hey let me breath, she apologises and says its just because she loves me so much. October 17th she says i am controlling her and wants to split. She has freaked out a few times because of her paranoid hubby and each time she has apologised but this time she says its me so i say fine and pack my stuff. She is at her mums as i pack and i text to say i am leaving in 10 minutes if you want to meet. She doesnt. I get home and she puts her FB status as "i think i made a big mistake" so i phone the next day, we meet, everything is great. Some time in November she says she needs space to find herself after losing hubby and being with him for 11 years since she was 16. I agree to it but hope its just temporary because she still wants me there and we have sex often. I push to be an official couple alot and i get the tears so back off, but to me its just to make her feel less pressure after such a long relationship with a bad ending. December she is only ever on msn as appearing offline. She denies this over and over but because when we talk she seems busy i start to get suspicious. One day when she is at work i text to ask for her msn password to fix it but she refuses and quickly changes the subject. Something is up here so i check her msn received files and some guy sent a pic of himself at 0030 a few weeks back. I freak out and text her my findings and leave. She texts me but i ignore, and when i get home i delete her from FB. That night she sends my Father a message on fb saying i am being childish and the picture was of a guy her friend fancied and asked what she thought. She said she thought we had a future but not now. I read this and feel like a jerk. I text her the next morning profusely apologising over and over and she says she needs time to think if the relationship is salvagable "after you ruined it". So she takes me back and i feel like such a dick and fuss over her at every opportunity. Then the dude in the pic says something on her fb page and i recognise him! So i send him a email to trap her, an innocent message about how i love S and does he still have the car he bought from her in September (thats how she knows him). I cant eat or sleep at this stage and i am dying inside. My gut says she is cheating. I try and talk to her via text that weekend but she hardly replies, adding to my torment. On the Sunday she says come round for dinner. So i go round and keep quiet about my email to the dude. The next morning she gets up to go on her laptop and as i walk in a few minutes later she slams it shut, goes to the bedroom and lies down staring at the ceiling. I follow and she says "why are you here? I got a message from D and you contacted him?" I said i know everything. Do you love him? She says no, she just liked the attention and he they havent met up. We have a talk and i agree to give it another go. That night i break down and full on cry in front of her. She cries to and assures me she loves me and its over. She goes to work the next day and i check her fb sent messages. Well what do i find but she started contact, sent dirty messages, and had been trying to get him to meet her at her house for weeks! (he lives 2 hours away with his gf). Its obvious he never came and broke promises of doing so. But the killer was October the 17th, she sent him a message saying I am at her house getting my stuff and she wanted to talk to him! Like a mug i dont mention my findings to her, but now i am very paranoid. I am very quiet and i say to her she is not reassuring me of her love, which was true. She only did it when i mentioned it. Later that week she emails D again to say she wished he had turned up that weekend and things would have been soooo different! I freak out and finish it. Again. Like a ****ing mug i contact her and she says she has such low self esteem that she cant help herself looking for attention from men, and it was like the devil on her shoulder and she couldnt resist. I say get counselling but she says she just needs time on her own. But she continues to lie and stays up until 0340 on msn most nights when telling me she is off to bed at 0100 and signs off fb. The ex i mentioned earlier is then back on her facebook and apparently asking for sex. She says she is in her bed reading a book and laptop is off but then i see she is logged in on te online car forum she messaged me on when we first spoke. She says can be meet up for sex, i say no as thats just for your self esteem and you need help. She writes me a letter saying she is so sorry for what she has done and after time apart she hopes we can be together. After all the **** she has put me through I still loved her and wanted her to get help. Maybe she was sexually abused as a kid. Her dad done a runner early on and her mum had a new bf every few months. Anyways i sent D an email a week ago saying stay the **** away. He emailed her on Friday about it and she says " stay the **** out my life! You obviously wont handle it when i meet someone else!" So i say "your letter was ****e then? Fine. No more contact." And I have gone NC since. Not that i give a **** now but do you guys think she does have a problem or is she just a cold selfish self centred lying bitch? Edited January 17, 2011 by damian
Am4Real Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Sounds pretty weird to me...I'd run from it all as fast as I could.
FreeToBe Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Damian, I think you are dealing with someone who is very mixed up emotionally. Please refer to this: http://www.borderlinewaif.com/2010/12/characteristics-of-the-borderline-waif-personality/ Does this ring true to you? Many of the behaviors you have described in your post are VERY similar to things I endured while dating my ex girlfriend. The best advice I can give you is to stay NC - stay away.
Author damian Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 She sounds exactly like the waif. Why was she like that?
FreeToBe Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Damian, It is quite possible your ex was dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder. Why and how it occurs is not absolutely clear. In the vast majority of cases, the person suffering from BPD has experienced a core wound or abandonment early on (often pre-adolescent age). If you truly feel that she may suffer from this disorder or something like it, I recommend reading up a bit online. There are many great resources out there that may be of benefit to you. One such resource I found beneficial was bpdfamily.com. Good luck.
Am4Real Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Damian, It is quite possible your ex was dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder. Why and how it occurs is not absolutely clear. In the vast majority of cases, the person suffering from BPD has experienced a core wound or abandonment early on (often pre-adolescent age). If you truly feel that she may suffer from this disorder or something like it, I recommend reading up a bit online. There are many great resources out there that may be of benefit to you. One such resource I found beneficial was bpdfamily.com. Good luck. BPD is a catch all in most cases of unknown behaviors. Be careful trying to make association without the proper diagnosis. Think about it, have you not had a dramatic or embarrassing occurence in your life at some time. Everyone has.
FreeToBe Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Am4Real makes a decent point... Though there are some pretty clearly defined DSM diagnosis criteria for BPD, the behaviors in question should be sustained over a significant length of time... years.
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