nealo23 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 We had been dating for a year. I knew she had issues with guys in the past so we took it slow, like REALLY slow. I've always carried the mantra: You can't get someone to love you, you can only become someone that can be loved. And that's what I did. We hung out and spent time together doing things that she likes. We didn't hang out as frequently as I wanted but I tried not to push it to seem too interested, though I was. We finally started to progress and I started to break down her shell. I found things that she liked and I exploited them. She loved her friends to death, so I made sure when I went to her bday, I bought a round of shots for all of her friends to celebrate. She loved food, so I cooked dinner for her. She loved eminem so I planned a fun day with me, her and one of her best friends to go see him in concert. She loved I love lucy, so for xmas I got her the complete series. She loved basketball so I took her to some Laker games. Her mom loved indian clothing but didnt' have any so I even had my mom have some clothing made for her to have to wear. She wanted to hang out more and more. She told me she was really into me and really felt this was going somewhere and that we just have to take time. We were both physically attracted to each other and had hooked up multiples times. We had plans to hang out New Years. But then suddenly, she became more distant. She didn't return my texts. and then when it came time for new years, she just blew it off and said she had other stuff going on. After new years everything just seemed different...she didn't respond to me on multiple occasions. In attempt to get to know her better, one of her best friends/sisters who works down the street from me and I were going to grab lunch. It was purely platonic and I was even bringing a coworker along. I thought this would be a great way to get to know her better. Before actually setting it up though, I thought I should probably check with her if it was ok. I asked her and she seemed very upset about it. I tried to call her and explain the situation but she rejected my call. I immediately cancelled the lunch with the friend and told her something came up at work. The girl told me she would call me back about the whole situation, but she never did. I contacted her again, this time leaving a voicemail basically telling her my impetus for what I was doing and that I was not trying to cause problems. I was just trying to know her better and that actions speak louder then words and my actions have shown my interest in her and not in her friend. Again, she didn't contact me back. She sent me a text message a few days later asking about a random topic. I asked her if we were cool, and she said yes but that she wanted to talk about the whole situation, but not now. I left it at that. Later on in the weekend we were talking via text and I begin to probe if everything was ok b/w us. I finally asked her "what are we" and she said "we are just friends." I couldn't believe that she said that after all we had been through and all we had done together. She said that she's still trying to get to know me and only time will tell. She said she's not looking for a boyfriend either. I felt kinda lied to about the whole situation. I initally blew it off to her that it was no big deal and I was just wondering. But the last couple of days I've been super hurt and down. It feels like a break-up to me even though, according to her, we were never anything but friends. My friends have told me to cut off contact with her and let her contact you at this point. The say I've invested too much emotion at this point and spending time trying to contact her is just going to add to that. The also told me that I need to act like nothing is a big deal and that i'm having the time of my life when she eventually contacts me, even though i've been down and hurting. I recently found pics of her going out with her friends and having so much fun. It looks as if I didn't even matter, probably one of the things that hurts the most. I get that heart ache feeling and the twisted stomach thinking of her and I try my best to get out of the situations. You need to be in a relationship to have a break-up right? so then why do I feel so broken up if that's not what we had? Any advice on this situation and on what I should do? what can make me feel better? Any and all advice is appreciated, thank you for taking time to listen at least.
D78 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 ...In attempt to get to know her better, one of her best friends/sisters who works down the street from me and I were going to grab lunch. It was purely platonic and I was even bringing a coworker along. I thought this would be a great way to get to know her better. Before actually setting it up though, I thought I should probably check with her if it was ok. I asked her and she seemed very upset about it... I think that asking one of her friends out to lunch is what you did wrong. The girl has some trust issues, so she probably didn't believe or didn't understand your explanation. Honestly, it does sound weird - to get to know your girl better, you invited her female friend out to lunch...? Why not just invite the girl out to lunch?
Author nealo23 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 I think that asking one of her friends out to lunch is what you did wrong. The girl has some trust issues, so she probably didn't believe or didn't understand your explanation. Honestly, it does sound weird - to get to know your girl better, you invited her female friend out to lunch...? Why not just invite the girl out to lunch? Let me clarify. Her friend works down the street from the hospital that I work at and had asked to get lunch. The girl I'm interested in unfortunately doesn't work anywhere in the area. She was the one who actually asked me to go to lunch and I was a bit hesitant but thought this could be a good way to better understand her circle. Unfortunately she was acting weird before this whole issue went down anways.
Author nealo23 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 weird story,you cannt distinguish your relationship clearly I know that's what makes it so difficult for me. I have the feelings of a real relationship, but the amount of times we saw each other and the fact that she says we were "just friends" makes me think that we really didn't have anything.
Recommended Posts