Nukulus Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Yep it's another one of those threads... Anyway a bit of background: I'm a 24 year old male finishing up my masters degree and I live in a college town. I have not had a date since summertime-only had random encounters with girls at bars which, surprisingly enough never worked out. So I decided to make a profile on Match.com and see how it went. For the most part I'm quite pleased with it. I've only had it for a week and I've been emailed and winked at several times. Now of course not all of these girls have been what I'm looking for, but still it's something right? Anyway, I've only emailed 3 girls. 2 have responded and one hasn't read it yet (which makes me think she hasn't paid for a subscription since you can't reply to emails if you have a free account). So 2 for 2 really, which considering most of the posts on here about men only getting 3-4 responses out of 30+ girls seems pretty good. But here are where my frustrations come into play... It seems (at least with these 2 girls) that there is some unspoken rule about somewhat prompt replies. For instance I emailed them, then 2 days later they responded (despite reading the email within hours of me sending it). I then reply within a few hours and I wait a couple more days. It seems difficult to carry out a conversation in this way. Maybe they're busy, maybe their interest is low. Anyway with one of the girls in my initial email I commented on the fact that she had a stunning smile and that we had a few things in common (namely a trip to scotland). I asked a couple questions to get to know her a bit better. She responds, tells me I have a gorgeous smile myself, answers my questions and asks 1 of her own. Awesome right? I thought so. So I reply back thanking her and answering her question and asking a couple more concerning her previous reply and her profile. She eventually responds with a quick two line answer to my questions without any elaboration whatsoever. The question was about a golf tour and her favorite disney movie if your wondering about the topic. She follows by asking me what my favorite disney movie is. That's it. 3 sentences. Am I expecting too much? Is she just disinterested? I'm just frustrated that it seems like I would be emailing her for months at this pace to even get to know her. I'm debating about not even responding because it doesn't seems like she gave me anywhere to go. Like I say "My favorite is the Lion King, because of ..." Then what? Where would I go from there? On the other hand if she wasn't interested why reply at all and why ask me what mine was? Anyway, as I suspected online dating is just as frustrating as real life dating, maybe even more so. Thanks for reading my rant... Any advice or opinions are welcome.
Jazzari Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I guess I'm a bad one to ask, because I like alot of online chatting before meeting up with someone. And I think the "this or that" game is a great way to get to know someone. Disney World or Disney Land? Has she ever been to either? Does she like rides? Does she run screaming when she hears "It's a Small World After All"? Scar or Sher Khan? Which is more evil? Who would win in a fight? Who would you rather meet in a dark jungle? People like to talk about themselves and what they like. And it can be alot of fun coming up with interesting and amusing questions.
Author Nukulus Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 So you don't think it means she is uninterested? That I should play along for now? And I gotta believe that there is more than one person on here that has done online dating and can offer insight, suggestions, or just general experiences.
refurb Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 A few comments: - I assume these girls are in your age range? If so, they are SWAMPED with other guys emailing them. Don't be surprised they take a while to reply or don't reply at all. Same with the short answers. - Because of point #1, you need to keep the conversation interesting. Nothing wrong with small talk, but try and keep the conversation interesting and unique. When she reads your email after reading a dozen others, will she think "this guy stands out!"? - Screw getting to know them online. I would send no more than 3 or 4 emails and then ask her out. You'll never really know if someone is worth pursuing until you meet them in person. Drag it out online and you could expend a lot of effort only to meet them and realize there is no connection. - I highly suggest sending out a decent number of emails every week. When you've got 2 or 3 girls talking to you at any given time, it doesn't matter how long any particular one takes to get back to you or if they just flake out and disappear. Basically you'll stop worrying about any one particular girl, you'll come across as less desperate and your dating life will be less stressful (at least until you meet one that REALLY interests you). Good luck!! RF
sothis Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 i've been doing the on line thing off and on for a while now and i've had mostly good experiences....that being said i make a point to "talk" a little when i message someone, and sure it's hit or miss whether you get anything in return. i also don't offer much in the way of questions before i know if they want to talk a bit. not because i have nothing to ask, but because lets face it the first contact is at least 50%(if not a lot more) based on your pics. once the convo is underway i've learned to not let the exchange go to long without graduating it to at least text. i find that creates a flow to the conversation that is a much better way to decide if this is a girl i'd like to get to know more. in no way is this because i'm inpatient it's just a better gauge. think of it like the random meetings out at a bar or any other setting. in that first exchange with someone you know if it's a person you want to talk to or see again.
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