Von Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I just got off the phone with my best friend and we were talking about my ex and the news that she had a baby with another man right after me. I had a few realizations I'd like to share. I thought back to all my breakups, and I realized that every girl no matter if I dumped her or she dumped me there was always another man in the picture right away. I wish i understood this years ago. And not to be egotistical but these guys were always worse people than me, be it looks or how they treated my exes, etc. Most of my exes didn't make it with these people. But I can say a few eventually found someone and are happily married now. The farther away from those breakups I get the less I cared. But my point is I feel so bad for what dumpees have to go through. it sucks and it hurts and in some cases like mine can be traumatizing. Dumpees have to go through tons more healing and time to get over the dumper, who is usually off with a new person having the time of their lives while you sit there suffering. I wish there was a support group that helped dumpees on a daily basis. For me just talking to people about it makes me feel better, but theres only so much friends and family can take. I think we all need a big group hug. I hope we all make it through our recovery and will find someone to make our exes mean nothing compared to our new love. Unfortunately, the two girls I dated after my ex, (both in 2010, ex was 2009)....and I ended up dumping, I know they are both suffering in their current relationships. But there is nothing I can do for them. Both men are hostile towards me. And one is very abusive. Anyways, I can't wait to find someone I can share equal love with. Someone who will make me so happy that all the pain and suffering I have endured in my past relationships will go away.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Rejection, whether it's from someone you were in a relationship with, or just someone you're asking out casually for coffee, hurts. However, I feel much worse for those that have grown to love the person, and have to figure out a life without them. I'm sure, though, that a girl will come along for you, Von. You just have to be patient! As they say, "You can't hurry love..."
0hpenelope Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I like to think of the dumpees as courageous for wanting to move on. I don't like it when people feel sorry for me, personally, because I'm a fighter. Just let me find my solid footing and you bet I will push back. I do understand what you're saying. I have a lot of compassion for the broken-hearted simply because I know what they're going through after having been there. I've seen people on LS become bitter after their break-ups and while I used to be, this most recent break-up is one that I refuse to allow to make me feel that way. I think your experiences have made you kinder, too. This is what LS is for: When friends and fam are tired of us dwelling, we can turn to the forums to help each other out.
Jake99 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I like to think of the dumpees as courageous for wanting to move on. I don't like it when people feel sorry for me, personally, because I'm a fighter. Just let me find my solid footing and you bet I will push back. I do understand what you're saying. I have a lot of compassion for the broken-hearted simply because I know what they're going through after having been there. I've seen people on LS become bitter after their break-ups and while I used to be, this most recent break-up is one that I refuse to allow to make me feel that way. I think your experiences have made you kinder, too. This is what LS is for: When friends and fam are tired of us dwelling, we can turn to the forums to help each other out. I agree with 0hpenelope! I don't want people to feel sorry for me because all all the relationships I have had in my life has made the person who I am. It always hurts more for the dumpee and I think that those of us that get dumped generally become more stronger than the the dumper because we have to fight harder to achieve personal gains. The longer I remain in NC (coming up 7 weeks), the stronger I am and how I feel. Do I care whether she is thinking about me or feeling guilty because she dumped me? nope...her loss and her mistake. I'm more than willing to eventually share my lie that wants all of me and for who I am!!
Rose T Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I think your experiences have made you kinder, too. This is what LS is for: When friends and fam are tired of us dwelling, we can turn to the forums to help each other out. This is so true. LS has helped me channel all the love and kindness that I was still pointlessly sending in the direction of my ex towards other people on the boards! It's also worth saying that while a lot of the dumpees on LS are expressing and going through a lot of pain, at least they're trying to work out what happened to learn and grow from the experience. Whereas we're often seeing examples of dumpers who have cheated, bounced into other relationships or behaved badly throughout the relationship. I don't believe they're all happier or 'healthier' than the dumpees in these situations. While dumpees take the first blow, I do think it's possible for the dumpee to be in a better place than the dumper a few months later, because they've grieved for the relationship, tried to understand what happened and faced up to the future. Certain kinds of dumpers don't always learn or make happier choices.
Ajax Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 While dumpees take the first blow, I do think it's possible for the dumpee to be in a better place than the dumper a few months later, because they've grieved for the relationship, tried to understand what happened and faced up to the future. Certain kinds of dumpers don't always learn or make happier choices. I find this uplifting
Rose T Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I find this uplifting It's all I've got at the moment.
Sugarkane Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Dumpees? What the..I feel sorry for the dumpers, it takes balls to dump someone! Lol I don't. My ex dumped me by text, out of the blue.
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