CCfooty Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I wasn't quite sure where to bring up this thought, but figured "coping" would be a good choice - especially given i'm looking to move past a situation right now! I'm a firm believer that, out there somewhere, is your one match. That's not to say you can't fall for a variety of different people... at all... but I do really believe there is that ONE person you will have an instant connection with. That ONE person who will grab a hold of your heart and soul and after being touched, it's never the same. You have the sense of feeling like everything makes sense, like time stops whenever you're around this one person, like your heart is exploding like fireworks inside your chest when you kiss or hold them. It is overwhelming and absolutely amazing! A few points for pondering and discussion.... Can you ever "fall out of love" with someone who you have an instant connection with like that? If you can "fall out of love", was it ever really love? Do you think these sort of instant connections ever really die? Do you think it's possible to have that kind of instant connection with more than ONE person? If so, do you believe in the ONE - if yes, why? If no, why not? If you do believe in the ONE and/or instant connections, do you believe it's possible for the feelings to be one-sided or, if a connection feels like that, is it most definitely going both ways?
Ajax Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I had that kind of instant connection with my ex... and she said she felt it too. Alas... she left. I really did feel that she was "the one" from the moment we met. The fact is though that just because she was "the one" for me, doesn't mean I was "the one" for her. Somehow her feelings changed, while mine grew deeper. Be careful when you feel this way about someone. It becomes very easy to become too attached and put them up on a pedistal. Once that happens, it's a long and painful fall to the bottom.
Confused728 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Ajax.. my ex said the same thing too! then that slowly changed! I went into the relationship more blase and even tempered and my feelings grew thicker! To think all those years i was friends with him i never dated him then he grew on me. and became a couple then it all slipped away.. and im the one hurting... But there have been a few ocassions since the break up when i stopped NC i think maybe,, just maybe.. he may question himself.. He said things like.. "I compare everyone to you".. "I wish i could cuddle with you its been to long".. and he has said other small things.. so who knows.. what do u think?
Mrlonelyone Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I don't believe in THE ONE. There is more than one person out there for everyone....but it's not a high number. It's like maybe 1/10,000,000 or 1/100,000,000 people could be the one. Soo with six billion people in the world that's from 300-30 ( or 600-60 if your Bi) "ones" out there. Lost in a sea of Billions of people who aren't "the one". The Ex I have written so much about here felt like and even still feels like she could be one of those people for me. Our love was (is?) like all of the stories say. We saw each other in the hallway walking in opposite directions and looked right in each others eyes and smiled.... the whole thing. I can't say I knew she was "one" for me right away. I came to realize over the following years of our first relationship that she was right for me. Then I left her to go to university....not realizing just how precious someone like her truly is. Not to reconnect with her again for a couple of years..... I know there are others....a new woman in my life I have written a bit about too could be one of those people...or not. I just don't know. One of the hardest parts of this is you really don't know if someone could be "one" for you until you get to know them for a while. In the moment, lust, love, and infatuation, can all look and feel alike.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 he may question himself.. He said things like.. "I compare everyone to you".. "I wish i could cuddle with you its been to long".. and he has said other small things.. so who knows.. what do u think? Don't hold your breath. Don't burn all your bridges. The long form: Second, thrid, Nth chances can and do happen. Don't hold your breath waiting for them and miss a good first chance with a new person. Don't burn your bridges that would allow a second chance to happen.
SophiaL Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Well, once I heard something about meeting people that you would have instant connection with that made me think about... It goes like that, for every star sign in the zodiac is a life that you have. There are 12 star signs, the first one being Aries, when you die on your first life your sould gets cut off in two and so it will happen throughout the zodiac. Therefore, when you meet people that you instantly click (that could be a family member, a friend a boy'girl friend) it could be that this person was once a part of your soul, of you! And on your last life, which according to this 'theory' is pisces is where you come back to find your first half and then be complete once again! Oh, well...all I can say is that for sure my ex the person that I'm struggling to forget was not the one, because when you find the one for you; you would not have to suffer over that person, it should click on both parts!! That's what I think...
denise_xo Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Well, once I heard something about meeting people that you would have instant connection with that made me think about... It goes like that, for every star sign in the zodiac is a life that you have. There are 12 star signs, the first one being Aries, when you die on your first life your sould gets cut off in two and so it will happen throughout the zodiac. Therefore, when you meet people that you instantly click (that could be a family member, a friend a boy'girl friend) it could be that this person was once a part of your soul, of you! And on your last life, which according to this 'theory' is pisces is where you come back to find your first half and then be complete once again! Oh, well...all I can say is that for sure my ex the person that I'm struggling to forget was not the one, because when you find the one for you; you would not have to suffer over that person, it should click on both parts!! That's what I think... It's not something I personally consider seriously, but my most instant and overwhelming connection ever was opposite to me in the zodiac, which he insisted accounted for our overwhelming attraction
durkadurka Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I believe in instant connections, I also believe that connections give way to reality. You can love someone with your entire heart, but it doesn't matter if there are serious and practical things in the way.
Fern Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 The ONE is harmful, romantic nonsense that ruins lives. Instant love is hormones/timing/psychology/chemistry - whatever mixture of the three is happening at the time. There are any number of people we can be with and create a wonderful relationship with if both are on the same page and share common goals and aspirations. The idea of a 'perfect person' for each of us just allows people to kid themselves there's someone out there with whom you can have a relationship that will NEVER have difficult patches. It lets them justify quitting on relationships once the honeymoon wears off. All relationships take work. You don't 'grow out' of finding other people attractive - what you do is you draw a circle in the sand around you and the person you're with and you say 'I'm going to make THIS one work.' And if they do the same - you've got a chance at something special. This notion of 'The One' makes me ANGRY.
Author CCfooty Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 The ONE is harmful, romantic nonsense that ruins lives. Instant love is hormones/timing/psychology/chemistry - whatever mixture of the three is happening at the time. There are any number of people we can be with and create a wonderful relationship with if both are on the same page and share common goals and aspirations. The idea of a 'perfect person' for each of us just allows people to kid themselves there's someone out there with whom you can have a relationship that will NEVER have difficult patches. It lets them justify quitting on relationships once the honeymoon wears off. All relationships take work. You don't 'grow out' of finding other people attractive - what you do is you draw a circle in the sand around you and the person you're with and you say 'I'm going to make THIS one work.' And if they do the same - you've got a chance at something special. This notion of 'The One' makes me ANGRY. I like this thinking, and semi wish I was more on side with it! I agree with MANY of the points you raised. But do you think that having a "spark" with someone is important? Personally, the relationships where i've been willing to try the hardest.... i've found that having a "spark" is KEY to that. I've been with someone who treated me absolutely amazing BUT I couldn't feel any "spark", and thus had to end it. On that note, i've also stuck around with people that are complete jerks because I did feel that "spark". Perhaps this "spark" is the hormones, chemistry, psychology... but it's that constant excitement, that spark, that draws me to someone - physically and emotionally.
Confused728 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Don't hold your breath. Don't burn all your bridges. The long form: Second, thrid, Nth chances can and do happen. Don't hold your breath waiting for them and miss a good first chance with a new person. Don't burn your bridges that would allow a second chance to happen. thats very smart! how do I not burn bridges though? how do you tread that balance?
Mrlonelyone Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 thats very smart! how do I not burn bridges though? how do you tread that balance? It's not just you that does the balancing the other person has to want to keep the bridges intact too. It's really simple... you know how some people would have a little black book, or now a phone full of contacts? Phone numbers addresse's birthdates, etc etc. Then will call numbers out of that book to find a date? Used to see that on TV allot. An intact bridge is when you call a number out of your little black phone book and they don't slam down the phone. Now a days thanks to all the methods of communication we have one can have allot of bridges. It used to be you could call, write, or just effing go there in person. Now you can have various degree's of reachability on FB, Email, IM, Text, Phone, regular mail, and in person.
screwball Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 But do you think that having a "spark" with someone is important? Personally, the relationships where i've been willing to try the hardest.... i've found that having a "spark" is KEY to that. Yes!! I think it is that intensity of having both that spark and having personalities and senses of humor that mesh well is essential. That spark is what I consider the "instant connection" and if I don't feel it right away, I'm gone. The hardest is when you feel that you mesh well, but there is no spark. The brain says to stay, but the heart isn't in it and you gotta have heart.
Author CCfooty Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Yes!! I think it is that intensity of having both that spark and having personalities and senses of humor that mesh well is essential. That spark is what I consider the "instant connection" and if I don't feel it right away, I'm gone. The hardest is when you feel that you mesh well, but there is no spark. The brain says to stay, but the heart isn't in it and you gotta have heart. Yep, that's what I consider that "instant connection" too. I've been in that spot where I was with someone and we meshed REALLY well, but I had no spark. And I knew that from the start. I still dated this person, because we got a long well and I really wanted to try and see if it would develop but it never did... and in the end I really ended up hurting the other person. Now i'm in a situation, where the spark is there... but we are both not at a point in our lives where we can mesh well. We both have growing up to do. This is the attitude of someone still holding onto hope, and i'm not sure if it's a good thing. I've accepted that, right now, we will not work... and in the mean time i'm living my life... trying to forget about those feelings and that spark (since I really do have a hard time finding it in ANYONE).
Eeyore79 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I don't think there is a "One". What if your "One" was born as a goat herder in Namibia? How would you meet then? It seems too convenient to assume that everyone's "One" will be born in a western country, at around the same time, will be attractive and healthy... people in Third World countries don't travel much so they would have to have their "One" born pretty close to them otherwise they'd never meet them. It just seems impossible for that to happen for every single person in the world! Plus what about the people who are lonely their whole lives and die alone - where's their "One"? I think it's perfectly possible to feel an instant connection with someone if you have a lot in common and find each other attractive, etc. But it isn't because they're some mystical "One", it's just chemistry. You can find that with numerous people, and finding it doesn't necessaily mean that person is available or open to a relationship. The idea of there being a "One" is actually dangerous imo, because it encourages people to seek perfection instead of working on compromise with a perfectly adequate partner.
dng Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I used to think like that. I endured all kinds of hardship in the name of being with "The One" until she bounced and met another "The One" three weeks later who she practically lived with until she realised he wasn't what she thought - or so she told me, its impossible to untangle the mess and I'm not trying anymore. That sorta shattered it for me, for good. And shattered "us", I could never go back after she left me high and dry like that - I really tried to get over it but couldnt, and ended up burning all my bridges with her and told her to go play in traffic. "The One" is about timing, chemestry, what you are at the moment. Some are romantic and some are pragmatic. The pragmatics will certainly let you believe anything you want as long as they get what they need. Be careful with these romantic notions. They often serve other people's needs.
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