CHSH Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Hi, I've registered to this site last year but never wrote anything. My little problem is this. Lately I've noticed that I've been getting rather...shall we say, "emotional". I cry at the smallest thing when I miss him (and I'm hardly the type to cry at all!) but also, I've noticed that I seem to be overly sensitive to anything that he says/didn't say. They are trivial things which somehow gets blown out of proportion. I get angry and upset etc. I can't blame it on "that time of the month" (although I have used that excuse before haha.) I'm not angry at him per se, rather, I'm frustrated about the situation and I miss him... which somehow ends up with me getting upset about small things and having a go at him. So, in essence, I'm having a go at him because I miss him..? Does that even make sense? It's hard to explain. Have any of you experienced this? Is it common? How do you deal with it??? I'm usually a calm and collected type of person so this is very unsettling for me. Sorry for the rant! (A little background, SO and I have been in LDR for 1 year 1/2. I went to see him in August and a few months after, this situation/emotion arises....)
HeavenOrHell Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I could have written this!! I'm not dealing with things well at the moment so hopefully others will answer, all I can say is be honest with him about how you are feeling, so he knows why you are reacting the way you are. Communication and honesty is SO important in LDR's. Hi, I've registered to this site last year but never wrote anything. My little problem is this. Lately I've noticed that I've been getting rather...shall we say, "emotional". I cry at the smallest thing when I miss him (and I'm hardly the type to cry at all!) but also, I've noticed that I seem to be overly sensitive to anything that he says/didn't say. They are trivial things which somehow gets blown out of proportion. I get angry and upset etc. I can't blame it on "that time of the month" (although I have used that excuse before haha.) I'm not angry at him per se, rather, I'm frustrated about the situation and I miss him... which somehow ends up with me getting upset about small things and having a go at him. So, in essence, I'm having a go at him because I miss him..? Does that even make sense? It's hard to explain. Have any of you experienced this? Is it common? How do you deal with it??? I'm usually a calm and collected type of person so this is very unsettling for me. Sorry for the rant! (A little background, SO and I have been in LDR for 1 year 1/2. I went to see him in August and a few months after, this situation/emotion arises....)
Author CHSH Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 Thanks HOH. I've tried explaining it to him before. (Somehow I always end up calling to apologise after we finish the chat still fighting. I hate it when that happens. The fighting I mean, not the apologising~) But, it's hard to put it down into words when even I myself am confused about it. There's a slight language barrier between us so it's even harder for him to understand what I'm saying when I'm a sobbing mess! He's a patient guy, thankfully!! What did your SO say in this type of situation?
HeavenOrHell Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I don't think I've cried down the phone, well maybe once, but don't think that was to do with us, but we've fallen out during online conversations and I've emailed him later, somedays days later when I've thought some more about it and I worry he'll think I'm having a go at him, so I am as diplomatic as possible, so that I don't come across as accusing. Usually he is understanding and patient, and will say thank you for being honest and that he appreciates it, he'll apologise for his part of the problem (if need be), sometimes he'll say he's worried being in an LDR is making me miserable. So I try to be honest, but also worry he'll worry that it's all too much for me Thanks HOH. I've tried explaining it to him before. (Somehow I always end up calling to apologise after we finish the chat still fighting. I hate it when that happens. The fighting I mean, not the apologising~) But, it's hard to put it down into words when even I myself am confused about it. There's a slight language barrier between us so it's even harder for him to understand what I'm saying when I'm a sobbing mess! He's a patient guy, thankfully!! What did your SO say in this type of situation?
Author CHSH Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 I ended up bursting into tears whilst chatting with him on webcam and became rather incoherent. It makes him panic when I get upset like that since he knows I'm not the type to do that. Lately I just get very sad and I can't handle everything any more. I used to do so well in keeping strong. We always talk if a problem arises. I also get worried that he thinks I'm not happy being with him so I try not to mention it so much but lately I'm just missing him too much. :/
folieadeux Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Gah, I could have written this myself too. My boyfriend is the more "positive" one in our relationship and needs less reassurance than me about everything. I'm sure it has something to do with him being a guy; that seems to be the common thread I've noticed around here. But, I have to keep telling myself that just because he deals with things differently than I do by no means equates to him caring less. He never starts a fight with me or raises his voice at me; unfortunately I'm embarrassed to say I can't say the same. What I fight about is NEVER the issue at hand. He's a wonderful guy and he never gives me any reason to behave that way. I just miss him so much that I find myself picking stupid arguements over nothing. I'm currently working on this because I would never want to jeopardize my relationship over something so stupid. I'm truly the luckiest woman in the world to have a man like him and I definitely know I'm more than capable of handling things more constructively.
Taucher Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Ah, this explains some things to me...maybe. My SO has had a few very emotional outbursts recently, so I am on the other side form everyone else on here. She is 5000 miles away and was very angry on Skype one night last week and was very quiet and grumpy and told me that she had tried to make some food earlier and it hadn't turned out very well. So we sort of spoke but it was difficult because she was very grumpy, so on the 3rd or 4th time of asking she told me that she wants to be better at cooking so she can cook for me when I come to Colombia in 3 months. But the way she said it sounded like she was angry with me. I told her that she shouldnt worry and then she burst into tears and told me that she misses me and that I dont miss her as much as she misses me. Which is not true but hard to argue against, if you see what i mean. The point is, we spent an hour not really talking and she wouldnt say anything; I got really worried. When she did tell me what was up (she was missing me etc) then I understood. Talking to a grumpy and emotional person is hard if you dont know the reason for their emotions...I can be a bit like that myself so the first thing I think when my SO is grumpy is that she is having doubts about us. T
HeavenOrHell Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 It's good to hear your side of things when things like this happen. Us women can be so emotional and probably unreasonable at times just cos we're finding the distance hard and missing our partners. And maybe we don't want to come out and say I'm missing you cos we'll sound needy cos the men tend to not say it as much (although I'm sure some men do) Ah, this explains some things to me...maybe. My SO has had a few very emotional outbursts recently, so I am on the other side form everyone else on here. She is 5000 miles away and was very angry on Skype one night last week and was very quiet and grumpy and told me that she had tried to make some food earlier and it hadn't turned out very well. So we sort of spoke but it was difficult because she was very grumpy, so on the 3rd or 4th time of asking she told me that she wants to be better at cooking so she can cook for me when I come to Colombia in 3 months. But the way she said it sounded like she was angry with me. I told her that she shouldnt worry and then she burst into tears and told me that she misses me and that I dont miss her as much as she misses me. Which is not true but hard to argue against, if you see what i mean. The point is, we spent an hour not really talking and she wouldnt say anything; I got really worried. When she did tell me what was up (she was missing me etc) then I understood. Talking to a grumpy and emotional person is hard if you dont know the reason for their emotions...I can be a bit like that myself so the first thing I think when my SO is grumpy is that she is having doubts about us. T
Author CHSH Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 Ah~ I'm glad that I'm not the only having these emotions. Thanks Taucher for giving the view on the other side! I have to admit, I do that a lot- staying silent because I miss him and don't want to become an emotional wreck in front of him... but then, doing exactly that when he doesn't know why I'm being silent. Figures.
heartshaped Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I thought I was the only one that acted like this! I cry randomly all the time about some little thing that reminds me of him or that makes me miss him and don't get me started on the fights I've picked with him which really are just because I miss him. I've really been trying to work on this and I find the first step is just being honest with myself and him. I'd much rather tell him I really miss you than start a fight over something I'm really not mad about and when I start feeling sad about missing him I find it helps me to remind myself that it isn't forever and I'm just lucky to even have him! Dwelling on the sadness usually leads to the fights in my case.
aerogurl87 Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 My now ex boyfriend and I went through this for two months after I left him after my last visit to him and it is what helped lead to us breaking up. So I can say that I do understand what you mean about starting little fights out of frustration and maybe even just wanting his attention, but try not to do it. The last thing you want is those fights to snowball into more issues that can eat your relationship alive.
Recommended Posts