Confused728 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I miss my ex and i want to talk to him really bad.. I been NC since August.. i just cant stop thinking about him and missing him.. I think i really love him... he hasn't tried reaching out to me.. I had him blocked for a while so i wouldn't even know if he had tried but he not blocked anymore but haven't heard from him.. maybe he thinks my number is changed. I just don't know what to do.. If you want a background on my story read this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t206477/
worlybear Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Why don't you post what you want to say to him on LS? That's what I do when it all gets too much. I understand how you feel- its annoying when you feel desperate and want to contact an ex! It does help sometimes to just write it down - or you could email it to a trusted friend! Then you can decide whether to contact him or not!
Author Confused728 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 I just miss him a lot. I feel like he was the only one i had that didn't really place demands on me. i was comfortable with him, It was enjoyable. When i think of him having fun and doing things we used to do together without me.. its like a knife to the heart and it pains me. I just feel like he doesn't even think of me.. I think i just still love him and its been a year and half since break up, then got together again in dec 09 and Then i found some emails that he was having sex with some one else in feb 10, so i broke up with him.. he said he didn't think we were back together and just hanging out as friends. I haven't hung out with him in a almost a year. Talked on ocassion.. made plans to meet up but i always pulled out.. then finally he annoyed me this past summer so I blocked him..
Miss_G Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I feel your pain I too am seriously missing my ex (you will be able to tell by my PATHETIC breakdowns on LS ) but I also realise that we will not be getting back together. I read your other thread about your relationship breakdown. It does sound like your ex has prioritised drug use (if he is indeed doing it) over you. This, I'm afraid, is the effect of drugs. They are addictive. Just because he may not LOOK like a 'druggie' doesn't mean that he's not hooked. His desire to be 'one of the lads' and behave in this way is over-riding any logic about his relationship with you and how good he probably had it. In terms of complaining about 'what your like', this is an issue I had with my ex. He too nit-picked a silly things that I had done in the past clumping them together to make a big 'case' against me. He is pinning you as the 'bad guy' in the situation because in his head he believes he has done nothing wrong. Also, if you have given him the impression that you want him back he is now 'sitting pretty' because he believed he had you around his finger. It is a good thing to do the NC thing. At this time you need to focus on yourself. It may upset you now and you will spend several days crying, being emotional and generally feeling a bit lost. This will start to feel better over time. Eventually you will realise you need to get on with your life and hopefully find somebody better. Life has a funny way of turning out. You will either move on to bigger and brighter things in the future with somebody new or things with your ex will come a head. He may decide to turn his life around, grow up a little (which he should do at 35!!) and may reconsider what he had with you. You, at this point hopefully, will be in a strong frame of mind and be ready to decide what you really want from life.
Author Confused728 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 why am i still stuck on him after a year?
SDA Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Why did you block him and everything when he was reaching out to you this summer? I think you are putting him on a pedestal, which is normal. Are you going out? Hanging out with friends? Someone will come along it's a guarantee you will not be alone if you put yourself out there. It seemed like he wanted you back put you kept pushing him away.
Author Confused728 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 sda I felt that he didn't really care about me.. even though we made plans once to go out and i canceled, i didn't really know how i would feel about seeing him. Another time we made plans he was going to go visit his stupid drug addict friends who were on vacation this past summer, and he told me that it was going to rain and he didnt feel like driving all that way, so then he made plans with me to get drinks..at this point i hadn't seen him in almost 8 months. One i felt that I was just the second option, or two he just didn't want to tell me he was canceling his plans for me.. who knows.. so I asked "What are Ur intentions" and he said "Just to be friends and hang out like we used to, i always liked that. You? I didn't say anything.. But he is the type of person that is nimble so even if he wanted to get back with me after all that time he probably wouldn't come out and say it and would probably work his way into it. I could be wrong but who knows. But anyway I didn't feel like going and that stung so i canceled. Then few weeks later i asked him what he was doing that weekend.. Told me he was going to a cookout with one of those drug addicts i don't like.. and then he seemed to be ignoring my text with long breaks between answers i got irritated and said enough is enough and i haven't talked to him since. But he always sent very mixed signals to me. Like i said I missed him he said he missed me too. Then he sent one a different time saying "I wish i could cuddle with you tonight, its been to long" and i said "I wish i could cuddle with you tonight and every night" He said "why don't u ask i wouldn't reject you fool" but im thinking he was probably little drunk when he sent those.. cause the next day he always seemed cool toward me.. then one time i told him if he kept this bs up i would be gone for good and he seemed affected and said something like "You cant **** with my mind like that", then one time I wanted to meet with him and he was like "You don't talk to me for months and take off on me, then u expect me to come running back, are u ok?" he talkes like he was the one that was the victim here, he did all the wrong I thought he should be the one to jump back to me when i gave him the chance.. what is going on here?
marqueemoon4 Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Since you pretty much ended it with him, and its been over a year I would say maybe text him and see if you get a response. If you get something positive back proceed from there.
SDA Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I think you two need to sit down and seriously talk.
WTRanger Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 He makes plans with you, you say yes, then you cancel. You still think he doesn't care? If I were him, I'd think the other way around. I'd have enough of the crap and move on with my life. You can only beat a dog so many times before it finally gives up. You ask his intentions, he tells you. He asks for your input, and you don't respond. What the hell is this guy supposed to think? Stop these stupid games. He was 100% correct when he said, "You don't talk to me for months and take off on me, then u expect me to come running back, are u ok?" You are clearly jerking with this guys head, then blaming him for everything. You need to look at your actions before you can proceed to analyze his.
Author Confused728 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 WTRanger_he makes plans with me yes, only cause his other plans of going to hang out with his druggie friends got interrupted he didn't want to drive there in the rain. How is that me being a priority? He tells me he going to a cookout with those people which is why i finally had enough and blocked him.. why does he have to do things to me its like he is spitting in my face and saying stuff that will irritate me. And his intentions where "Just to be friends and hang out like we used to, i always liked that".. WTF that not him saying he wanted to be back with me. Thing is i think he just wanted me in his life and everything be the same, he just didn't want to have to answer to me when he was going out with his druggie friends because i always put up a fight over that crowd. I feel he is the one who caused all these problems by taking their side over mine and by pretty much doing irritating things.. like texting me at 4 am when he was in Chicago.. i didnt text him first.. and he really had to tell me he was away in Chicago with them.. what was the need in that.?? Just to hurt and irritate me.. i didn't need to know that. I feel he is the one jerking my head, All i ask is that he stop hanging around with a bunch of drug addicts. He apologized for everything and said he regretted it all... but didnt change.. so who mind ****ing who?
WTRanger Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 So let's get this straight. You hate his lifestyle, you hate his friends, you hate that you have somehow made up this skewed reality about his intentions in your head and you still want him around? When he asked you your intentions on both of your futures, you IGNORED HIM. You could have told him right then and there, but Oh Heavens no, you decided to play emotional hide and seek. I mean seriously, only morons actually talk to each other. Communication is so over rated. Holding things in, then exploding later on down the road at inappropriate times is much better. You act like you are Mother Theresa by answering his messages, then you get all pissed off when things crap out. Well, no sh*t Sherlock! He wants to be friends, you don't want friends, but you'll hang around in the hopes that he feels the gravity of your feelings and decides to give up his dastardly ways and settle down with you. For liking this guy because he didn't place many or any demands on you, you sure are demanding an awful lot from him. I would play you the victim song, but my Stradivarius is out of tune. Everything you are bringing up, you are allowing by remaining in his life. You are enabling him, you are the one doing this to yourself. He's not some Government agent sent to make your life a living hell. You are doing this to yourself, then blaming him for everything. He's not going to leave his friends who he's probably known longer than you, just because some girl (now ex-girl) tells him to. Just so it's clear, you are doing everything to yourself by remaining around this person. You, not him, are the one that is playing mind games with your head. Don't like his friends? LEAVE HIM! Don't like his lifestyle? LEAVE HIM! He hasn't changed? LEAVE HIM? He lies? LEAVE HIM! Do I need to go on or can you start to see the picture?
Author Confused728 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Ranger have you at least skimmed my whole story? I know the original thread is a long one and i don't expect you to read the whole thing. But it is very detailed and has a lot of information including exact text messages. The thing is i was on his side, I looked out for him, these scumbags use him, they aren't his real friends. One is a drug addict that doesn't work his whole life is about getting high, He encouraged my ex to drink and drive and one time he lost his license and got arrested. He used my ex and his house as a place to do drugs. I was the good one that stood in their way. Mother Therese no. But I defiantly was on the side of what was good. I mean when you have these vampries skum bags getting a 19 year old kid into coke and having him think he is so cool becuase of it. These are EVIL people i don't see any good quialtes in them.. And the bastard that got between my ex and I. i cant wait till the day he overdoses, world doesn't need garbage like him.
Author Confused728 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) You think i will feel better if i talk to him or worse? Will I obtein closure by speaking with him? and will that in-turn help me to stop thinking about him all the time?.. I go back and fourth if i should talk to him.. I just don't think i could even bring myself to text him i have been so disciplined in not talking to him i kinda feel embarrassed about it. In someways i feel he should have to pay for what he put me through, and the only way I'm making him do that is by not talking to me.. I know he didnt want to lose contact.. My story is just all screwed up.. and the drugs situation just adds a whole other mess of confusion into it. Edited January 23, 2011 by Confused728
Duckduckgoose Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I don't think you're going to get much by speaking with him, you're just going to rub salt in your wounds. Get out with friends, do new things, meet new people. Your ex is an ex for a reason.
usagi Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Since you pretty much ended it with him, and its been over a year I would say maybe text him and see if you get a response. If you get something positive back proceed from there. Not saying this is bad advice but I would say that if I got a text from my ex I would ignore it. If I received a letter, phone call (message even) then I'd imagine that I would respond; depending on the content, but a text; after something as complicated and multi faceted as a relationship and break up would, to me, seem just a little half arsed.
gator12 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 If you're the one who dumped him, and he attempted to reach out to you but hten you ignored him, he obviously went NC to attempt to move on from you. If you really want him back and he has self respect for himself you're going to have to beg him. He already tried in his mind when he reached out to you but you shot him down so he stopped trying and sought healing. If you really want him back you're going to have to fight for it, but chances are he's probably moved on by now.
Author Confused728 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 If you're the one who dumped him, and he attempted to reach out to you but hten you ignored him, he obviously went NC to attempt to move on from you. If you really want him back and he has self respect for himself you're going to have to beg him. He already tried in his mind when he reached out to you but you shot him down so he stopped trying and sought healing. If you really want him back you're going to have to fight for it, but chances are he's probably moved on by now. Ummm have u read my whole story lol.. u might want to read some more. there is alot more to it than that.. and there is a link with all the pages.. From my understanding he just wanted to be friends with me and didn't want a relationship..
Author Confused728 Posted February 18, 2011 Author Posted February 18, 2011 Soo today i found out that my ex is engaged to someone he has known only since October!!!! I dont feel to upset but i think that's quick and im wondering if he is mentally unstable.. Its actually making me question what i was doing with him in the first place.. From what i heard Everyone is shocked and thinks he is crazy. What on earth could be going through his head.. does anyone think its normal to propose to someone you have known for less than 5 months??
PowerOfOne Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I've never seen it happen. In saying that, if a friend told me he was getting married after knowing a girl for 5 months and they really were a good couple I'd be all for it. If I had a mate that was just recently out of a relationship and told me the same I'd say it was doomed to fail! That is not healthly and I'd put good money on it that the relationship doesn't make it until the end of the year.
Recommended Posts