Winherback Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 There is an intense battle going on in my head right now. Its a constant back and forth and up and down mess of regret, anger, blame, accepting, excitement of my new future, sadness, rationalizing, etc,etc,etc.... you know the battle I am sure. BUT, the worst part of it all is how pathetic I feel. Why the eff am I not more angry at this woman? A history if you can bear with me.... - Been together off and on for 2.5 years. - She is very very beautiful, 5 years younger (27), Can be a complete sweetheart at times (like the perfect model future wife you are looking for) and a complete B other times (silent, uncommunicative, needy,etc). She comes from an unstable family. Dad was rarely around, Mom with always someone new. She had never really been in a long long relationship before. 6 months, year tops... and she always ended it (so she says). - Met at a weekend getaway with friends. Hit it off, had sex right off bat there and she has been in my life ever since. - First year was LDR, as she was back to school in her hometown to finish college and get her **** together. She was infatuated with me, always by the phone, coming to see me every weekend. I played along early resisted her a bit early due to some uncomfortableness of being out with her in social scenes (a bit too wild and unpredictable)...... BUT, eventually I fell for this girl. - We were in love. It was a great time. She sent me emails of how she has never been with anybody this far into a relationship (6-7 months) where its still so fun and amazing,etc. Talked marraige, kids,etc. I havent either btw... and we both believe we have finally found each other after years of searching and unanswered prayers. - Year into it, she breaks it off via text. I was blindsided. Like weeks before she brings up having a kid out of the blue. Crazy huh? I ignored the childish text approach because I was so shocked. She says she was always waiting by the phone, I never did this, came to see her, or enough of that, yada yada yada. I tried the NC route, but we talked and she was crying and basically couldnt understand why I would want to hold back? Like this was the time to show her my feelings and prove to her that I wanted to take it to the next level and give her this perfect fairy tale she says she is looking for. I knew I could be a better partner or her so I told her what she wanted to hear and we got back together after two weeks. - Picked up fast an heavy. Went on vacation, talked marriage, told me comments like no one else could have ever been that perfect for her after visiting family with her over the holidays,etc. She sees it again now right?? - She graduates, and we go right from LDR to her moving into my house with my roomate. Then bam, a few months later while I was at work... she grabs her stuff and leaves then calls to tell me. We have dinner, she ends it officially at dinner. I beg and plead. 3 days later I send an email, she calls... and says she regretted it the minute she made the decision. Has some clarity that she overreacted and we talk about communicating more and she says she will never run like this again and we promise each other to stick it through thick and thin. - Its great again, she supports me amazingly after a loss of a loved one. Tells my sister she will never find anyone like me. We get a puppy together. - By this time work is starting to really stressing me out and I work from home and she does odd jobs so we are together almost all day every day. Not healthy combination I know. But I am thinking this is life and we will work through this together. - She becomes more and more distant over the months after we got the pup. Says she cant handle me when I am having a rough time like this, says things like she is finding out who I truly am, which at this point I am kind of walking on egg shells for her, making it worse I am sure. - This past October, bam...she ends it and moves out. Leaves some items on purpose I guess. We dont talk for two weeks but she sends me a letter saying that when two people love each other that they may not be right for each other and the biggest issue was our lack of communicating on an emotional level. It was all surface level. I dont respond. The dog gets out, and her number is on his collar. We talk again....she was devastated, crying, saying roughest time in her life, etc. We keep in touch lightly, and we meet at dog park every now and then, dinner, lunch occasionally. All this time I am playing it cool, but trying to leave the door open. - Then, come Holidays she says she has done this to herself and life is so hard,etc. Finally a dose of the real world for her out on her own! We end up spending more time leading up to Christmas and spent the actual week staying together (no sex as we agreed to take it slow this time), cuddled, laughed, had a very good new time together, talked about our issues, she admits to being unreasonable, that she didnt need to spend every minute with me, and its pretty much assumed we would move forward with this and truly work on our issues. Again, I am seeing moments of clarity I am thinking. - So, after new years day which was our last full day together and it was an awesome day I will have to admit.... she starting becoming distant again. Less responsive, hanging out with guy friends one night, has me wondering wtf, but I still reach out every now and then and we visit occasionally. We agreed to take it slow right? Have breakfast last week, she asks to keep dog for day, all is well I think? I sent her spontaneous flowers mid week to brighten up day (I never did enough of this apparently). Only a text thank you, no call. - Finally after I call asking for something that she has of mine, no response. Then next day sends text saying its time to disconnect, we cant be friends, dating is unrealistic, and that we are just not right for each other and that is that. And that text was the last communication I got from her. OUCH. How awesome is that? A text message finale? What childish high school way to go about things. She mentions recently that we never made love, only effed all the time? Whaaa? I mean she has me now doubting my ability to be intimate and that these things and her claims of not connecting on an emotional level are the main culprits? Seems she spoke differently many times with her comments before. A complete mind ****. Why am I not more angry? Why do I always make a case for this girl? Why did I not put my foot down more? WTF is wrong with me??
Author Winherback Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 (edited) Is there another guy? Tbh, I just don't know at this point. She has always said that was never the case, and she is just not that type of girl... and I truly believe her. It really was about us. But because of the way she ended it this past week via text, I have no real closure or cannot completely rule that out I guess. Its part of this mental battle I have going on. Do I deserve to seek more closure? I know I can't. Edited January 16, 2011 by Winherback
fiat500 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 you were there for her too much. people don't appreciate what's always there. you were the perfect boyfriend. and she got bored. also know there's nothing wrong with you. emotionally immature people don't want what's best for them. they fare much better in a relationship where they have to work for attention only to not ever receive it so they can b*tch and moan about how their relationship sucks to friends yet still be satisfied because they think that emotional pain means love.
Author Winherback Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 (edited) you were there for her too much. people don't appreciate what's always there. you were the perfect boyfriend. and she got bored. also know there's nothing wrong with you. emotionally immature people don't want what's best for them. they fare much better in a relationship where they have to work for attention only to not ever receive it so they can b*tch and moan about how their relationship sucks to friends yet still be satisfied because they think that emotional pain means love. I think that's pretty damn good insight. She was much more into me early on when I paid less attention to her. However, that became an issue for her and she turned the script on me, and from there I guess I did what I could to try and make things work while I should have just put my damn foot down. BUT, she always said I never paid enough attention, or that I didnt hang with her friends enough, jealous when I texted my buddy all the time, or didnt go to the park with her enough, yada, yada, yada.... If I did that could it ever have worked? I did respond to her text saying that while she thinks she has it all figured out what was really happening here was that she blew her last chance with me, and to never look in my direction again. I have never said anything like this before. I will NOT attempt to contact her again. My worry is that she will wake up one day and truly realize what she lost and will one day try and come back. I never made her be the one to do that. Would you agree considering our history? I will have to be prepared this time to never let her back in. Or is that just me wanting her to realize this and for her to hurt just like she has done to me? Or is this thing too far down the road? Edited January 16, 2011 by Winherback
Racoon Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I feel for you. No closure is for the birds. I didnt get any closure also. I broke it off, because I could not get any answers as to "Why", "why" was I not important enough for positive change in our relationship. I never got what I wanted or needed. It was all about him. But never an answer or closure. So the head knows that you are better off without that person, because you deserve better, but your heart is left hanging wondering WTF, "You said that I was important to you, but your actions speak louder". And the heart vs the head is always more forgiving. And the heart doesnt want to be left alone. So the battle continues until the head convinces the heart that they can work together instead of seperately. Unfortunately, this process has an unpredictable time frame. Let your head sooth your heart. Find out what triggers she had on your heart and give that to yourself.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 wow, 6-7mos is a long relationship for her at age 27? Maybe she has commitment issues?
Mrlonelyone Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 My worry is that she will wake up one day and truly realize what she lost and will one day try and come back. I never made her be the one to do that. Would you agree considering our history? I will have to be prepared this time to never let her back in. Or is that just me wanting her to realize this and for her to hurt just like she has done to me? Or is this thing too far down the road? She may well wake up and think that one day. The thing is in a relationship like the one you describe that day could be tomorrow or 10 years from now. Who knows where you will be and what you will be thinking. You let this person back in again and again because you feel something for her. She comes back again and again because she feels something for you. However, feelings aren't enough. They are needed for a relationship, but they are not the whole relationship. Emotional maturity is one things that's needed, and she is not that.
Author Winherback Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 I feel for you. No closure is for the birds. I didnt get any closure also. I broke it off, because I could not get any answers as to "Why", "why" was I not important enough for positive change in our relationship. I never got what I wanted or needed. It was all about him. But never an answer or closure. So the head knows that you are better off without that person, because you deserve better, but your heart is left hanging wondering WTF, "You said that I was important to you, but your actions speak louder". And the heart vs the head is always more forgiving. And the heart doesnt want to be left alone. So the battle continues until the head convinces the heart that they can work together instead of seperately. Unfortunately, this process has an unpredictable time frame. Let your head sooth your heart. Find out what triggers she had on your heart and give that to yourself. Damn straight. Sux dont it? I think the positives for me this time is that I am already a bit more clear with my head more so than in the past (wait, give it an hr...ha) Its not effing me. Sure I had some issues and things I was working on as a person, but we ALL have them. I guess I need to eventually come to realize that the person I DO want to be with is the one who can be there and work through these types of things together.
Author Winherback Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 wow, 6-7mos is a long relationship for her at age 27? Maybe she has commitment issues? She was in one for like a year tops? But the 6-7 months was a reference to her saying that she had never been in a relationship before this far into it that was ever like this... saying basically that God had answered her prayers and that she thinks she had finally found the one.
Author Winherback Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 (edited) She may well wake up and think that one day. The thing is in a relationship like the one you describe that day could be tomorrow or 10 years from now. Who knows where you will be and what you will be thinking. You let this person back in again and again because you feel something for her. She comes back again and again because she feels something for you. However, feelings aren't enough. They are needed for a relationship, but they are not the whole relationship. Emotional maturity is one things that's needed, and she is not that. Thank you. I want to so bad write a final letter stating how I TRULY FEEL about her wrong doings and how I think it really is....not what it would take to get her back. Its something that I never truly did. Edited January 16, 2011 by Winherback
Racoon Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Thank you. I want to so bad write a final letter stating how I TRULY FEEL about her wrong doings and how I think it really is....not what it would take to get her back. Its something that I never truly did. My suggestion is to not do it. You will have regrets if you do for one reason or another. We all have our issues, we are human. She walked away from the relationship and didnt give it a real effort. This may be her way of controlling the relationship and make you come chasing after her.
Author Winherback Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 My suggestion is to not do it. You will have regrets if you do for one reason or another. We all have our issues, we are human. She walked away from the relationship and didnt give it a real effort. This may be her way of controlling the relationship and make you come chasing after her. Your right. Its like deep down I knew she was unstable, so I didnt want to rock the boat so to speak cuz I wanted to believe she could grow up. The alternative, i would think she would get angry and defensive if I did approach her head on with these things. So I waited until we got back together to spring it.... but by then she brought them up kind of on her own, we were back up and running, and I never really had to address them. It won't make a difference, cept add that regret after I sent it.
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