ConstantTurmoil Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Hello....this is my first post although I have visiting this site for awhile! My question is regarding casual relationships -usually I think most guys chase in the beginning of a relationship. After awhile I think women can sense when you are losing interest (i.e, less contact). What do you think about woman at this point contacting you more? This has happened to me, a guy I have been casually dating was always trying to be with me, hang out with me --and now i can tell the interest level is low and I want to continue the relationship! If I start reaching out more now than before -do I come off desperate and needy? Can you sense the shift in the relationship? And is this a turn off? I'm just wondering how I can get his interest level high again as it once was. I'm kind of shy and not very forward in a casual relationship because I never know really how to act until it becomes exclusive/serious. Any thoughts? Thanks!
daphne Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I'm not a guy but I've dated a lot, and have had them tell me straight up how that behavior comes across. If you chase him, his interest will continue to plummet. You need to leave him alone and if he comes back around, so be it. Do not put all of your eggs in his basket, since he's not as interested as he once was. The best thing you can do is to date others, and see if he gravitates back to you. Chasing him will chase him away.
USMCHokie Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Best advice I can give: stop pursuing casual relationships. You seem to have an issue when guys are peacin' out...
Cee Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I don't know the particulars, so my advice may be off. I'm going to presume (pretend) that this is an emotionally available man. There is no harm in contacting him and reaching out. Sometimes men can get fatigued by doing all the initiating. Perhaps, he'd like you to stoke his interest by surprising him with an unexpected communication. Or he's done and is moving on. Personally, I usually like to make contact after I detect low interest. I don't nag him, but I ask him out once. Most of the time he's not that into me, but I feel satisfied that I have an answer. I don't mind those rejections too much because I am comforted that my instincts were right. For me, I'd rather know he doesn't want me than live in a fantasy world thinking he might like me.
Questionis Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I assume because you let him do all the chasing that you were not that interested but now you realise you would miss his attention? This is not a good reason to initiate contact, I would let him go off and try looking for someone you find more interesting!
Nexus One Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 My question is regarding casual relationships -usually I think most guys chase in the beginning of a relationship. After awhile I think women can sense when you are losing interest (i.e, less contact). What do you think about woman at this point contacting you more? As a guy, if I put in all that sustained effort for a period of time, then the fish should eventually bite and if she doesn't then I interpret that as if she's not interested (enough) and politely retract myself from her presence. Also guys can get sick of chasing if women make that chase take too long. Many men have their limits regarding this. So in my opinion you are possibly interpreting this the wrong way. He might not have lost interest, but he might think you're not interested because you've not been clear to him that you want him. Most men are simple beings when it comes to women. They don't read between the lines or understand games or hidden motives. A guy will interpret what you say exactly the way that it comes out of your mouth. So you need to be clear and tactfully direct. Otherwise we think you mean something completely different or simply get confused.
Author ConstantTurmoil Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 I assume because you let him do all the chasing that you were not that interested but now you realise you would miss his attention? Not This! Yes for the most part I would let him initiate....but I always responded positively and promptly and reciprocate in the same level of enthusiasm.
Author ConstantTurmoil Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 Best advice I can give: stop pursuing casual relationships. You seem to have an issue when guys are peacin' out... I agree, I thought I would be ok with casual (we agreed to that in the beginning) but I realize I am not. Recently due to scheduling conflicts (work, trip, etc.) there has been some distance between us and, as I posted, less communication. I want to turn this around --my question is how should I do this? Initiate more? Give him some space? My thought is he could have continued with the same level of contact and he hasn't.
OldSkool Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 a guy I have been casually dating was always trying to be with me, hang out with me --and now i can tell the interest level is low Intelligent men do not like to bang their head against a brick wall, it causes headaches, and is a waste of time. If he has been pursuing you, initiating everything and you are keeping the relationship at the same level of casual, there is reason for him to believe that it will never progress further than just a casual relationship. Men do eventually lose hope and give up. Try reaching out to him.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Hello....this is my first post although I have visiting this site for awhile! My question is regarding casual relationships -usually I think most guys chase in the beginning of a relationship. After awhile I think women can sense when you are losing interest (i.e, less contact). What do you think about woman at this point contacting you more? This has happened to me, a guy I have been casually dating was always trying to be with me, hang out with me --and now i can tell the interest level is low and I want to continue the relationship! If I start reaching out more now than before -do I come off desperate and needy? Can you sense the shift in the relationship? And is this a turn off? I'm just wondering how I can get his interest level high again as it once was. I'm kind of shy and not very forward in a casual relationship because I never know really how to act until it becomes exclusive/serious. Any thoughts? Thanks! He chased you and he's giving up. You're only realizing you want to extend the relationship because you can tell you're losing him. Once he comes back to you you'll start to lose interest in him. I'm not a guy but I've dated a lot, and have had them tell me straight up how that behavior comes across. If you chase him, his interest will continue to plummet. You need to leave him alone and if he comes back around, so be it. Do not put all of your eggs in his basket, since he's not as interested as he once was. The best thing you can do is to date others, and see if he gravitates back to you. Chasing him will chase him away. SO wrong, so VERY wrong.... The guy has been chasing her for a while and he's giving up. If she finally did chase him back he'd probably be super happy about it. Fortunately though your advice is correct, OP should let him go, he deserves someone that will have more interest in him and won't drag him along. I assume because you let him do all the chasing that you were not that interested but now you realise you would miss his attention? This is not a good reason to initiate contact, I would let him go off and try looking for someone you find more interesting! YES!
Jane2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Have had a similar situation recently. Just ended yesterday, in fact. Met him on December 22nd. He was straight Romeo for two or three days (texting and calling). Then he backed off a bit, but not a lot. Then we went on three dates and got intimate (went all the way) within that time. We both wanted a casual relationship, agreeing that we didn't want the whole nine yards boyfriend/girlfriend thing and were content to just be intimate a couple times a week and leave it really casual. But he was difficult in scheduling even just that. I wanted sex twice a week, and he was dodging my phone calls and texts (after the first three times we got together). He'd answer eventually, but only after I badgered him a bit. (I use the word 'badgered' loosely; I didn't literally browbeat him; just asked that he answer.) Finally, I texted him and said, "Do you just want to be friends? It seems like you're not even into meeting up for sex..." And he replied that yes, he just wanted to be friends. I know I'm a slut, but it was intended that way from the beginning. Also, we agreed to a friends with benefits thing, and he couldn't/wouldn't even maintain that. I'm thin and in shape, have a pretty face. I'm not like a perfect 10, but I'm attractive enough for a guy to have sex with. Dammit! But it's like it's just too much work for him to schedule even just sleazy trysts with me. Maybe he hates my personality that much. But it didn't seem like it. We got along well, were sweet to each other, enjoyed pillow talk, shared music/songs we like (on YouTube), talked about things. I've been looking for a casual sex partner who's respectful and who I get along with, but I can't seem to find someone with whom it will work out. And oh yeah, more on topic with the original post, I did "chase" a little. Not in the romantic sense, because we established relatively early on that we were both cool with just sex. But I was pretty persistent about scheduling our trysts. I wanted to see him twice a week, and so I texted him to do that. After we established that we were just going to have a sexual thing, I only texted him to try to schedule things, not just "how are you?" I feel like I wasn't chasing him except for scheduling, but still...that may have turned him off.
Questionis Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Not This! Yes for the most part I would let him initiate....but I always responded positively and promptly and reciprocate in the same level of enthusiasm. Well then he is clearly a jackass and a wanker. Just let him go... probably just stringing you along while he sees if he current relationship wlll die out or not.
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