lovelove76 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Hi, I am new here. I am a 34-year-old woman who has been single for six years, with no significant relationships during that time. I have dozens of girlfriends over 30 who are all in a similar situation. Of all of us, I am the one who is likely having the hardest time of it. I feel as though there is no hope for any of us to find a decent, caring partner. Many of us have had very disappointing dating experiences, be it using online dating, being set up by a friend, etc. These men, whether they are 28 or 48 or 58, seem to just want to play games and play the field. It's very frustrating. We do everything "the books" say -- we keep an open mind, are not using "a list" to find someone (except that he must not be abusive or have a drug addiction, things like that) and yet still none of us -- I'm talking about 20 or so women -- have found anything to remotely give us hope, no matter how open-minded we've been. It's like there just are. no. men. Most of us will not be in the position to pay for sperm donation, IVF, adoption, let alone raise a child. We have average (but acceptable) incomes, but they aren't enough to support a family on with a single parent, so despite the outlook, we are still hopeful to find someone...but is the hope misplaced? Should we give up? I have gone through all of it. There have been times where I have "given up" for a year, because people say when you aren't looking, you will meet someone, and there have been times when I've looked very hard, because people say you have to put the work in....but neither have worked. I'm slim, educated, usually cheerful (except on this topic lately), and I feel like I have a lot to offer, but after six years of looking I am very worn out. It's starting to show, I think -- like maybe it is aging me. I don't make enough money to afford botox and things like that, and I am more down to earth than to want to plastic surgery myself into oblivion. All I want is a nice decent guy who is emotionally available to me and who will be a part of my life and let me be a part of his. But they just don't seem to exist. I guess what I am looking for is success stories from other people who are older than 30 or 35 about women who have found love at this age. We are beginning to feel like damaged goods because we are not 27 anymore. We see our wrinkles setting in and it is so scary. Any pep talks would be welcome, or even commiseration. Is this just demographics in the world now? Are there really just too many single women? Thank you for any insight...some of my friends -- who are beautiful, intelligent, wonderful women, haven't had even a date in ten years and are now 40. Their "best" years passed them by and a few of them didn't even have sex in those years. It makes no sense to me and it is a bit horrifying. I can't imagine that a man wouldn't be thrilled to have even one of these women on his arm. I realise I am biased, but trust me, I think you'd be shocked as well -- most of them are just truly wonderful women with no major personality flaws or problems. So what gives? Any positivity is so welcome.... Thank you!
smile95 Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 WOW I could have written this....I am also 34 and single and have been online dating with 0 success. I am also looking for a pep talk! I just posted another thread about settling....I feel pressure to settle down, but not sure if I am too picky? Am I looking for Prince Charming? I know that no one is perfect, but I have no idea how to meet people other than online...I seem to be attracted to the good looking ones, but they are jerky. I cannot give you a pep talk, but thank you for writing this bcz I can relate and you are not alone girl... People tell me to stop looking...ummm...that is NOT going to work. Is someone going to knock on my door? I don't think so!!!!
Green_eyes Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Keep smiling... I know that sounds glib - but there are good men out there. I know, I'm one of them. The basic problem is actually bumping into the right people. I'm 37 and divorced, but my love life has been a complete disaster since my wife left me. I've met some truly fantastic people, but nothing has worked out, for various reasons. The closest I came to meeting someone special was someone who was only here for a year and I met her eleven months too late (I'm an ex-pat, and this is one of the curses of being an ex-pat - so many of your friends leave) Worst experience was the girl who told me, "You're a great guy, but I want a family of my own - not someone elses" (I've got a son) At the moment, I have a huge crush on a really lovely girl (there was me thinking that was a teenager thing ) but I know there will never be more than friendship between us. Still - that's life. I've heard all off the usual things - "stop looking" and so on, but at the end of the day it doesn't really help. Sometimes I think I'm just not the sort of guy that women go for, but deep down I know that is rubbish too! I guess there is no magic formula. I wish you both all the best - may you find guys who sweep you off your feet
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