lovingagain Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Is anyone else like me, just saw him yesterday and this morning I woke up and physically ached for him, it was a really physical pain in my heart. I cried a little I cannot understand, apart from the fact that I love him immensely, that I hurt so much to be apart from him.. My heart was bursting and then he texted me. Weird.
Ladyblue Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Is anyone else like me, just saw him yesterday and this morning I woke up and physically ached for him, it was a really physical pain in my heart. I cried a little I cannot understand, apart from the fact that I love him immensely, that I hurt so much to be apart from him.. My heart was bursting and then he texted me. Weird. Yes, I was in a LT EA. I was deeply in love with him, and I did have those very strong and very real feelings.
BB07 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I also remember feeling that way......and now when I look back at it, I see that I was a fool.
starlight102 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Is anyone else like me, just saw him yesterday and this morning I woke up and physically ached for him, it was a really physical pain in my heart. I cried a little I cannot understand, apart from the fact that I love him immensely, that I hurt so much to be apart from him.. My heart was bursting and then he texted me. Weird. Ohhhhhhhhhhh yes, I can certainly understand those feelings.
half_ofa_heart Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 It's HORRIBLE!!!! But for me it's always because I start thinking about him with his wife and what they might be doing. I've NEVER been a jealous person but there is a big difference between worrying about your man and the POSSIBLE other woman and the FACT of the other woman. If he was just gone and not with his wife, i think I'd be ok but in this situation, more than horrible.
Ladyblue Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I also remember feeling that way......and now when I look back at it, I see that I was a fool. Yes, I too look back on all the wasted emotions, time and energy. Now I wish I'd used all that energy and all those feelings, all that passion on things more worthwhile.
Ladyblue Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 It's HORRIBLE!!!! But for me it's always because I start thinking about him with his wife and what they might be doing. I've NEVER been a jealous person but there is a big difference between worrying about your man and the POSSIBLE other woman and the FACT of the other woman. If he was just gone and not with his wife, I think I'd be ok but in this situation, more than horrible. Oh, I know! He told me he and W were not having sex. Believable, since she was in LT PA. But one night intuition told me they were having a very passionate evening. I can't even begin to describe how it hit me. I was physically sick at the knowledge. But of course, it is his W. What could I expect. You are so right. It would have been easier if he was just gone.
pureinheart Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Is anyone else like me, just saw him yesterday and this morning I woke up and physically ached for him, it was a really physical pain in my heart. I cried a little I cannot understand, apart from the fact that I love him immensely, that I hurt so much to be apart from him.. My heart was bursting and then he texted me. Weird. ((((((((((hugs))))))))) You were feeling not so good and he put your fears to rest. Certainly it's a normal, natural experience when one is in love and there is the aspect of being consumed by another person, loosing yourself in the process. It used to happen all of the time with exDM, we had an unusual connection, I used to think it was God...maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, although when hurting like you were and then having it relieved for a time, it sure was welcome;)
BB07 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Yes, I too look back on all the wasted emotions, time and energy. Now I wish I'd used all that energy and all those feelings, all that passion on things more worthwhile. Ahhh me too. Funny how things are so much clearer looking in the rear view sometimes isn't it?
spice4life Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 It's HORRIBLE!!!! But for me it's always because I start thinking about him with his wife and what they might be doing. I've NEVER been a jealous person but there is a big difference between worrying about your man and the POSSIBLE other woman and the FACT of the other woman. If he was just gone and not with his wife, i think I'd be ok but in this situation, more than horrible. Totally agree with this. That is how I felt in the affair. And at one point he started telling me the things they were doing (not sex) and I didn't like it at all. It's impossible to have a emotionally healthy relationship with someone when they are living with and committed to another person. It doesn't allow things to progress in a normal healthy way. I too wouldn't have had the issues I had if he were a single guy...not at all.
pureinheart Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I also remember feeling that way......and now when I look back at it, I see that I was a fool. BB, I don't think you were. At that time I'm sure it seemed reasonable...your heart was in the right place for the mostpart...because his wasn't is not your fault. As long as you wewre genuine then I don't see where you were a fool. I heard a teaching the other day...the word "fool" is a strong word. Hey BB, just want you to know ...your signature really helped me, it was essential to experience the anger (hopefully for the last time), it was a good couple of days of being on a roll and running with it. I didn't mean to offend anyone on LS, so hope I didn't, although if I did, I am sorry.
BB07 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 BB, I don't think you were. At that time I'm sure it seemed reasonable...your heart was in the right place for the mostpart...because his wasn't is not your fault. As long as you wewre genuine then I don't see where you were a fool. I was a fool pure......I really was. I didn't know the man that good, but I jumped in head first because of his reputation of being an all around nice guy. A woman who had good boundaries and used her common sense would not have done what I did. It was stupid to start dating someone who was so recently separated. (Of course now we know that he wasn't separated at all). I heard a teaching the other day...the word "fool" is a strong word. Hey BB, just want you to know ...your signature really helped me, it was essential to experience the anger (hopefully for the last time), it was a good couple of days of being on a roll and ruonning with it. I didn't mean to offend anyone on LS, s hope I didn't, although if I did, I am sorry.I'm glad you liked my siggy.......it's been helpful to me too, because I have struggled a lot with the anger, but like you, hopefully the worst of it is behind me.
SunsetRed Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Yes, my pain was physical. It hurt so bad I could feel it burning through my body like cancer or a dis-ease. I lost 15 lbs and haven't been this skinny in 10 years. The physical pain is gone now but I still don't feel like I'm looking in the rear view mirror yet. This site has helped me process everything and has helped me see things for what they really were. I'm still not over my loss by a long shot, but I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
skywriter Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 lovingagain, Reading your post brought back some very painful memories. It becomes a vicious cycle, for me it got to the point of being physically sick and eventually taking antidepressants. You see them again, get all charged up by the time together. Then they go, reality seeps back in and the cycle begins again. It changes you, drains you, and for myself left me with a gap of time in my life that I feel should have been more productively spent. Ah, well, hindsight.....
SunsetRed Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 It seems like everyone who has worked through their breakup says that they wish they wouldn't have wasted time mourning their xMM and that the time and energy wouldn't have been better spent. While I agree, I don't think any of us had a choice but to suffer through our grieving process. These break ups are extremely painful and toxic and the pain is unavoidable. I immediately tried to pick up my life after I was thrown under the bus. I've learned from previous break ups not to waste time mourning. Something about this break up was more draining and toxic. I immediately focused on work and worked so much overtime that I paid off a credit card and bought new furniture. I tried to meet new people by dating online and going to social functions. I reread The Secret and the sequel The Power and started a gratitude journal. I traveled and saw old friends... and you know what..it still hurt like hell and the minute I had any down time, the pain came rushing back. I finally had to give myself some down time, as hurting is part of the natural grieving process. Now, 4+ months later, a lot of the physical pain part of the hurt is gone. I still think about him and play our relationship over and over in my head, but I do feel better, which is a good thing because at one point I thought I'd be a basket case forever.
jj33 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Loving is all this worth it to you? Its a perpetual triangle of emotions. You get the high of being with him, the crash that you were going through with the tears and then the fluttering heart and anticipation of seeing him again or merely getting a text.... And the cycle continues over and over again from what you are saying. Its not a healthy way to live. Love isnt supposed to hurt like that. What is your plan? Are you waiting for him to decide to leave? Or are you planning to stay the OW if he doesnt leave?
Author lovingagain Posted January 17, 2011 Author Posted January 17, 2011 Loving is all this worth it to you? Its a perpetual triangle of emotions. You get the high of being with him, the crash that you were going through with the tears and then the fluttering heart and anticipation of seeing him again or merely getting a text.... And the cycle continues over and over again from what you are saying. Its not a healthy way to live. Love isnt supposed to hurt like that. What is your plan? Are you waiting for him to decide to leave? Or are you planning to stay the OW if he doesnt leave? Yes it hurts, but then the highs still outweigh the pain so far. I have too much sh.. for him to leave her right now anyhow , he has just told me he loves me too for the first time.
BB07 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 It seems like everyone who has worked through their breakup says that they wish they wouldn't have wasted time mourning their xMM and that the time and energy wouldn't have been better spent. While I agree, I don't think any of us had a choice but to suffer through our grieving process. These break ups are extremely painful and toxic and the pain is unavoidable. I think you misunderstood my post SR......I regret the relationship, not the mourning, and yes the mourning is a absolutely necessary evil. I'm impressed with all the things you have done to get yourself through it. You are doing good. As I mentioned in another thread, I don't think that man deserves another chance from you. I'm afraid he will break your heart again. In hindsight, if I had not given my xmm a 2nd go round, I would have saved myself. It was years later and unknown to me at the time, he lied again about being separated. The 2nd one....is the one that is a killer.
jj33 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Yes it hurts, but then the highs still outweigh the pain so far. I have too much sh.. for him to leave her right now anyhow , he has just told me he loves me too for the first time. You are obviously dealing with challenges in your life and you dont feel you are worthy of someone's full attention until your plate is clean? But you value his support and companionship in the meantime? Its the Im not good enough, Im not worthy frame of mind that is keeping you in this. Understandable to some degree that when you are going through a rough time, any port in a storm is a port... But affairs that are painful can distort things. Sometimes they distract you from the bigger issues in your life. Sometimes they seem like your only port in a storm when really they may bring you less pain than the other scary things that are going on, but youd deal with those other things better if you didnt have the pain of the affair. All of your posts are about pain and hanging on by a thread to whatever little bit of positive reinforcement he gives you. Not saying thats wrong we dont know everything that is going on with you. But I am sure without knowing anything about you, that you deserve so much more.
half_ofa_heart Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Understandable to some degree that when you are going through a rough time, any port in a storm is a port... Love this!
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