foamy2001 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Quick summary. She left almost a year ago. Moved to another state. I certainly deserved to lose her, but it almost killed me. I like to tell myself that I have moved on, but some days are worse than others. I basically made it impossible for her to contact me unless she shows up to my door. I have a new job which she doesn't know about, new phone number, e-mail, facebook... the whole shebang. I woke up this morning to a note on my car. She said she has been trying to get a hold of me because there is something she wants to tell me. The note also says she is in town visiting her family. My gut reaction is that she's going to tell me she is engaged or pregnant. If that is the case, I am afraid it would put me right back where I was a year ago. The only reason I post it here is to get opinions on what you all would do if given the opportunity. I especially want to hear from those who feel like they have kind of come out the other side. I know those of you who are fresh into this will say talk to her, but it's hard to put myself out like that. All opinions are welcome. Maybe I'm just looking for support in just letting go of this chance. My mom says I should talk to her. I haven't told anyone else about it.
tobydog1 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 yes, I'd be worried too that she was going to floor me with some news of that sort. I don't know what to suggest especially as you are doing so well. You are always going to be curious but could you take news of that sort? x
mark982 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 why not go to her familys house and leave her a note on the car, saying you really don't want to see her. that your heads in the right place, and you dont need her messing with it.
PWSX3 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 My former wife did the same thing to me a year later after she divorced me, started to email me then asked to talk to me in person. This was a few weeks after I had broken up with my girlfriend. I didn't know what to do so I talked to my counselor & he suggested I just go listen to what she had to say. He said you never want to not keep your options open. We had been married for 28 years with one child, so I went to see what she wanted. We had a good visit, she explained what she wanted to meet me for. She was hoping we could reconcile our marriage. In our case we were both raised in Christine homes, but after getting married stopped going to church. Since the divorce we had both started going back to separate church's. Anyway we got together a few times after that but as of now we are still not back together, but what it did for me was be able to except her as a friend & I can now see her at church or other activities & it doesn't bother me. Oh yes, she has since been going to my church. When you have a child together you will never be divorced from that part so I feel if you can be social with your spouse & get a long it makes things SO SO much easier. So I would say; go listen to what she has to say, you have no idea what she has to say. My question is; if you are divorce why would she want to tell you she is getting married or pregnant?
hopesndreams Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I woke up this morning to a note on my car. She said she has been trying to get a hold of me because there is something she wants to tell me. The note also says she is in town visiting her family. Was the car in your driveway? If so, leaving a note on the car is cowardly. If she has something to tell you, she could have knocked at your door and said it to your face. She's young and flighty. Just keep in mind what she did and how she did it. Unless she has had an epiphany and personality transplant, allowing her back into your life will only lead to more of same behaviors. Will she tell you she is getting married or is pregnant? Who knows!? Is it worth the risk to find out? Are you tough enough to hear that kind of news? If she knows where you live and knocks at your door then there really is no choice on whether or not to listen to what she has to say. A note on the car? If it were me, I'd pass and stick to NC.
Steadfast Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 There is something so special about a letter or card. Knowing that a lady took the time to express herself on paper and seeing it in her handwriting just melts most guys. Me included. That said, hers didn't say enough. IMO, she wants to deliver the message face-to-face for maximum effect. But what news (marriage, pregnancy) could she give that you wouldn't hear about in time anyway? I agree with the above poster who said she should have knocked or written it out in the note. She's messing with your head. If it were me, I'd pass, especially if the NC has brought you healing. Besides, the proposed 'meeting' is probably more for her than you anyway. Out of respect for your feelings, force her to do it the right way or not at all.
Author foamy2001 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 I'm guessing she probably knocked, but I was up late the night before studying for a quiz and when I got home from class, I pretty much passed out. I would like to think I could handle anything she had to tell me, but I don't know. I don't even know how I would feel if she were to say she wanted to try again. I think about her ALL the time, and I miss her more than I can put into words. Still, I was forced to move on... make plans on my own and become a different person. She likely has already left town again. I guess I'm glad I didn't find out. I will probably regret it at some point, but it is just as likely I would have regretted contacting her. I am far from healed, but I am close to FINALLY finishing my college degree. It sucks that pretty much every time I get to a point where I don't have a knot in my stomach from thinking about her, something happens to set me back. Granted, each time it gets a little easier, but she told me this is how it has to be and I had to move on. I did everything I could to make the situation easier, even though it was not what I wanted to do. I feel like I'm over the worst part of the split, but why would she do something like this? Sorry.... I just need to vent. I mean, if she's getting married or having a baby (I know that is speculation on my part, but something inside me tells me I'm not going to like what she has to say) why would I need to know?
divorce2010 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I know this sounds cold. Maybe it's because my life is so much better after my divorce, I can't tell. All I can say is that I was lucky enough to get out there and meet some great women. I don't know what to say, but unless there are kids. I'd throw that message away. There are too many women out there at my age 39 just looking for a good guy. And, whatever u did in the past these women have no clue. Take a chance, find someone new.
Soxfaninfl Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I know this sounds cold. Maybe it's because my life is so much better after my divorce, I can't tell. All I can say is that I was lucky enough to get out there and meet some great women. I don't know what to say, but unless there are kids. I'd throw that message away. There are too many women out there at my age 39 just looking for a good guy. And, whatever u did in the past these women have no clue. Take a chance, find someone new. I have to agree with divorce2010. My wife is divorcing me and we have been separated for 10 months. I met a wonderful women last week. She's been divorced, and knows my pain of going through a divorce. She has been so easy to talk to, and we have a lot in common. I was going to wait to date after my divorce was final, but I could pass up seeing this wonderful woman. I was going to try online dating, but who knew that I would meet such a wonderful women in person so quickly.
Steadfast Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 It sucks that pretty much every time I get to a point where I don't have a knot in my stomach from thinking about her, something happens to set me back. Granted, each time it gets a little easier, but she told me this is how it has to be and I had to move on. I did everything I could to make the situation easier, even though it was not what I wanted to do. I feel like I'm over the worst part of the split, but why would she do something like this? Sorry.... I just need to vent. I mean, if she's getting married or having a baby (I know that is speculation on my part, but something inside me tells me I'm not going to like what she has to say) why would I need to know? It is often very difficult to know why people do the things they do. What might seem perfectly acceptable to her could be very hard for you to deal with. Then again, she might think that your absence or lack on contact means that you've moved on. She may be wondering if you're seeing someone. There could be a thousand reasons why she'd want to see you. Could it be the reason you're not comfortable is you fear she'll see right through you and know you still love her? After all the effort you've put into NC, this may be hard for you to give up. You have invested a great deal of time and effort in your healing, and -honestly- I'm not sure what, if anything she has to say is worth giving that up. Like I said before, anything of real importance is something you'll eventually find out anyway. If, or when you do see her again, don't lose any sleep wondering how you'll handle it. The truth is, she knows you love her. There is no shame in that. This is why letting go is so important. Not just letting go of her as a romantic partner and wife, but letting her off the hook and releasing the pain and hostility. What she'll see then is the man she fell in love with. It may not matter anymore, but such a triumph can help restore self esteem.
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