BrkHeart Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I am just looking for thoughts/opinions on this, anything is welcome. I am 30 and met a 29 year old a few months ago, there was an instant attraction from the beginning, but I am a pretty guarded person and I made quite a point to be deliberately slow about things physically. After two weeks, the conversation changed from a lot of playful things to more serious topics which was fine. One topic of conversation was about past relationships. I know everyone has "Baggage", and I do not think it is write to judge or hold that over someone. She ended a 4 year relationship after catching her ex cheating on her. She has mentioned that she seems to have a problem in choosing good men and that someone has to "earn" her trust where my philosophy is everyone has my trust until they do something to loose it. I am question her attitude when it comes to dating. I find myself pondering if going any further with her (I am starting to feel emotionally attached) is only going to leave me with a broken heart in the not too distant future. Any comments are welcome.
Woman In Blue Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I agree with you, Brkhrt. It's not your job to pay for the sins of the fathers. She got a raw deal with her last relationship, but it's not up to you to jump through hoops like a trained seal to make it all 'better' for her. I think everyone should be granted basic trust - until they do something to compromise it. Then, they need to be jumping through hoops to gain that trust back. But you shouldn't have to be doing it right out the gate. That's HER issue and she needs to learn how to deal with it.
Bryanp Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I think her philosophy makes more sense than your does. What is wrong about earning her trust?
Author BrkHeart Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 I do not think anything is wrong, in all honestly, I have no idea how to do that, I am unsure it spending time together will just lead to that naturally. I am unsure if asking her how to earn her trust is going to make me look ... maybe just chock this all up to immaturity on my side ... more time thinking in my mind gets me into trouble.
iheartsuki Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I have no idea how to do that, I am unsure it spending time together will just lead to that naturally. I am unsure if asking her how to earn her trust is going to make me look ... i think this is a very good and fair question. i wouldn't worry about how asking her in plain english will make you look. if you're worried it will make you look bad in some way, explain to her your policy on trust and tell her that, b/c yours and her's differ, you just want to understand her's a little bit better. tell her you want to know what she needs you to do to earn her trust (if there are specific things) or if it's something that just takes time. if she is weird about open, honest communication (which seems to have already taken place to some extent) or judges you for it, then she is the one who is a bit immature.
Author BrkHeart Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 I could only say that I think I have been honest about things, I am believe that she has also, she had a 4 year relationship end a few years ago (It involved him cheating on her), so her viewpoint isn't something that I don't agree with. I think we have each been guilty of maybe moving too fast (I know I have in my mind), so I think slowing things down might help resolve a few things in my mind. Thanks all.
whammy Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 i think that your going to earn her trust and you guys are going to get close and date and about a year into the relationship she is going to bumb into her ex at best buy and all these old feelings are going to come back and then shes going to take you on a roller coaster of secrecy and lies (and then your going to be posting an entirely different thread on LS) and then your going to realize that all that stuff she said and trust was crap because shes a woman and the only thing that matters to a woman is her current stimuli. thats my insight
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