c&l Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 WARNING: LONG note: Will, Mary, and Steve are not the real names of these people. Alright heres my relationship story/ dillema. 3 years ago when i was 12, my best friend Will (14 at the time) started dating this cute girl named Mary (13 at the time). This was really the first relationship i was "apart" of. I became, basically their right hand man. Often they would invite me to hangout with the 2 of them, go to a movie, and such. We really were great pals. Me and Will both heard some rumors about her past that suggested her to be abit slutty however. We payed no mind to it. Will eventually fell in love with her. And you could tell that he was in love. He would tell me that he would do everything for her, and when they were fighting, he would often tell me how sorry he was for making a mistake, etc. She told me the same things. And this is just a small example of them falling in love. I know there is much more to being in love than that. And imo after my personal experiance, the feeling of being in love, cannot be simply written out on paper. That leads me to my next point. Over the years... i talked to her alot.. and complimented her.. and i fell in love with her as well. Originally i did not reallize it. Because i was only around her, when he was around, i just attribuited the feeling to a great friendship. However, when i entered 8th grade, and she had done him wrong (not by cheating on him, but flirting with other guys, false accusations, and simply being rude, and finally breaking up with him to go out with another guy (and etc.)) I, seeing her as wrong, "sided" with Will. However, i still talked to her, worked in school with her, etc. That is when i started realizing it wasnt the triangle frienship we had that was making me so happy.. It was her. I felt terrible. I had been in love with my best friends girlfriend, whom he was deeply in love with! I wasnt sure if that meant i had betrayed him or not.. I was also angry that i did not realize it sooner. The signs were there. I would always try to make her happy. I did flirt with her a little bit. I would occasinally look at her with attraction.. etc. How could i not have seen it? Anyway, i decided to try and distance myself from her abit. It seemed smart, because 1) she had done Will wrong. 2) She was becoming a huge flirt, and almost extremley worrisome. and 3) she was my best friends love. I did distance myself abit, but not very gracefully. We would get into arguments, and fights. We always ended up being friends again though. Eventually, her and will got back together. It was the Triangle friendship again. I was much more cautious though. Yet i was still in love. She did will wrong again. Then 2 more times. She broke up with him to go out with "bad boys", and to have sex with them. Now though, in 10th grade, they are dating again. I have made progress tword not loving her anymore as well, being able to be friends with her, without loving her. I felt more independent, and dont care about her nearly as much (that must sound mean, but i hope you know i mean it with the upmost politeness.) However, everyonce in a while i do feel like the old days again. Recently however, Will had a hockey game, and me, mary, and his sister went to it. There, as will was getting ready to be on the ice, we found a friend from school named Steve. Him and Mary flirted alot. He would pick her up and carry her, and do things she would normally do only to will, etc. I stepped out tword the rink once, and wills sister came up to me and said "They are flirting alot. I think he likes her." I replied saying (due to my history with them): "yeah, mandy is a flirt, and hse does like her, i know he does." (it was common knowledge Steve fancied her.) Later the game started, and i sat down and watched it (being more interrested in the sport then the others.) and they walked around for a little bit, and later sat down a few rows away with wills mother. After the game, and will took mary home, i told her this: "Hey uhm.. Mary and Steve were flirting abit. At least from what i saw before i sat down. They seemed to have walked around abit when the game started, so idk what happened then. Your sister even came up to me saying that they were flirting abit. you may wanna ask her about it." He replied that he was going to ask me about that, and said thanks. He complained abit about how it makes him mad, and how she refuses to see his point of view, etc. I figured he would ask his sister about it a little bit, then ease into the conversation with mary. Instead he tells her 5 mins after we dropped her off that i told him that she was flirting with him. She didnt like that, and sent me a txt message saying things like "wtf, i was NOT flirting with him, and just cuz i have more then one friend, unlike you, doesnt mean u ahve to be a ****ing prick sucker".. And with my newfound absence of caring for her, i simply showed wyatt the message and ignored it. Will wasnt wrong in what he did, though in my opinion a little bit impatient. Anyways, now she is pissed at me for "lieing" to will. Will seemed to ignore that, and simply, and unsuccsefully tried to make her see it in his view point, but she refused. A few days later, Will and Mary are fine again. I tried talking to his sister abit about it. All of a sudden, she traded sides. "She wasnt flirting with her, and we did not walk around"... Which is false. This angered me abit, since now the only proof i had was taking mary's side. Wills sister was always fond of mary, for whatever reason, and imo, possibley abit intimidated by her. Mary knows how to yell, to fight, and to gain the support of the local dickheads. Now i am abit afraid that Will believes mandy, now that his sister says i am lieing as well. Me and Will are still best buds tho, as if nothing happened. We hang out, etc. But he doesnt talk about it at all, and he doesnt try to resolve the problem, like he would in the past. Meanwhile this is going on, i have a huge crush on this 11th grader, named Lauren. She is simply gorgeous, and so beautiful. However, i am a terribley shy, somewhat inseccure, somewhat low-self esteemed, chubby nerd. Im into kistory and computers, and npt much of a sports guy at all (except for hockey). While she is the stunning, athletic, popular girl. She seems really nice though. I often ask will what i should do to try and impress her, and overcome my shyness. But because he has only had one love/ long term relationship, he actually cant help much, for everygirl is different. I still ask alot though. At the same time though, i am kind of worried about a relationship. I dont want a girl that will be fliring with other guys like no tomorrow, i dont want a girl that will be rude all the time, i dont want a drugee girl, and i dont want the girl to simply pass me off, reject me, or be unsatisfied with me. Well, it is late, and unfortunatley i cannot bring my mind to bring evry single detail into the writing. I guess me main questions would be 1) How do you think Will is interpretting this Me VS Mary thing? 2) What should i do about mary? 3) Should i ask will what he is thinking/ tell convince him im not lieing? 4) What should i do about wills sister? this is not the first stupid thing shes done. She will do whatever it takes to be marys friend. Even if that includes hurting her brother. 5) How should a shy, loser like me, ask a girl like that out? 6) How can i impress her? 7) (not stated above but i am a lil bit socially akward... pretty much only around attractive girls..) How can i get over my akwars shyness? 8) Just your thoughts please Thank you so much for your time, trust me, i needed to get this off my chest, and i commemorate you people fo listening to my rabble PS- I only have 1 clase with Lauren, and MIGHT see her in the last 5 mins of class. Its seminar, so i cant talk to her, and dont have any oportunities too. she works at Steak n Shake however, but i dont know when she works, or what i would do. PPS- I am not the most attractive guy ever. I claim myself as ugly. However, my friends and aquaintences say im average, and could be somewhat cute if i loose some weight. PPPS- I do try to loose weight, but i fint it hard to motivate myself, and often critisize myself when doing it, and end up quitting. I am on a water only diet now though. Ive been drinking only water, and a small about of juices for about 3 weeks now. Again, thanks so much. Call me Clay, BTW.
JohnnyBlaze Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 Could be a number of ways. He could be seeing it for what it is - you trying to protect him. He could also be seeing it as you trying to drive a wedge between him and Mary so that you could take a shot at Mary. He could also see it as you just trying to stir things up. Sadly, at your age, most guys will probably see it as option 2 or 3, most likely 2. Does he at least know you're trying to make a play on Lauren? If so, that will factor in for him (in a positive way, for you).Nothing more you can do. I've done it with friends, they've done it with me. "I love you like a brother and you know I don't want to mess up your happiness, but that chick ain't good for you." It doesn't matter which way or how many times you say it, no one ever listens. It's not until afterwards, when she has crushed the guy and he's (eventually) recovered that he comes back and says "yeah, I know; you did tell me". You've told him already, you've done your job. Now just be happy that he's happy, even if he is being deluded. Of course, if you get any proof of her actually cheating on him, then you have to tell him. Until then, it'll just look like you're stirring it up between them.See above answer.Again, see above (above) answer. She's his sister; he knows what she's like. She's probably done this to other people in the past, so if he has been anywhere near observant, he's taking what she says with a grain of salt. The problem is that if he isn't, you can't do anything to change it. After all, she's one of the few people that, if it came down to her versus you, you'd lose. She's blood and you're not. So as much as it sucks, you'll probably have to let it slide as well.First of all, drop the word "loser" from the question. Better yet, drop it from your vocabulary altogether. Being shy is one thing, being a loser is a whole different one. I know this may sound like some cheesy "hooray for everything" motivator, but if you think that you're a loser, then you are going to act like one. First off, computers ain't bad. I work in a computer shop, and we're the furthest thing you'd expect from computer people. I'm a biker, another guy scuba dives, another guy plays rugby and a few of them have even started poker nights. The point of all this is that computers doesn't instantly equal losers anymore. So stop thinking of it as a negative! Just little things like that can change your outlook, and you'll start finding that you're a lot more confident than you used to be. Girls like that.My personal recommendation? Start with you. You described yourself as a "chubby nerd", while you described her as a "stunning, athletic" girl. So here's a way to kill two birds with one stone. Start running. Hit the track after school. It'll get you in shape and, as always happens in high school, word will get out that you're running after class. Yeah, it'll be tough at first, but eventually, people will know you as the runner (i.e. an athletic reference), which means that your world and hers have a shot at colliding. At the very least, it'll get you toned up and give you a ton of confidence.The shyness, I have no advice for ya. I was shy around the cuties in my teens as well. *Mumblemumble* years later, I still am. Sorry, can't help you there."My foot hurts", "what should I make for dinner", "I wish she wasn't leaving". Not listed in order of importance...obviously, but there; those are my thoughts. Bet ya wish you didn't ask now, huh? That's just my 2¢.
Author c&l Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 Does he at least know you're trying to make a play on Lauren? If so, that will factor in for him (in a positive way, for you). Yeah, i try to talk to him what he would do, but he just tells me that he doesnt know because all girls are different. Nothing more you can do. I've done it with friends, they've done it with me. "I love you like a brother and you know I don't want to mess up your happiness, but that chick ain't good for you." It doesn't matter which way or how many times you say it, no one ever listens. It's not until afterwards, when she has crushed the guy and he's (eventually) recovered that he comes back and says "yeah, I know; you did tell me". You've told him already, you've done your job. Now just be happy that he's happy, even if he is being deluded. Of course, if you get any proof of her actually cheating on him, then you have to tell him. Until then, it'll just look like you're stirring it up between them. Yeah, unfortunatley thats what im doing. However he asks me though, and i cant really keep her flirting alot with other guys a secret. and shes broken his heart about twice now :/ My personal recommendation? Start with you. You described yourself as a "chubby nerd", while you described her as a "stunning, athletic" girl. So here's a way to kill two birds with one stone. Start running. Hit the track after school. It'll get you in shape and, as always happens in high school, word will get out that you're running after class. Yeah, it'll be tough at first, but eventually, people will know you as the runner (i.e. an athletic reference), which means that your world and hers have a shot at colliding. At the very least, it'll get you toned up and give you a ton of confidence. I try to excersize, believe me i do, however i see myself fail, and not do good, and critisize myself, and give up... i just cant get motivated.. "My foot hurts", "what should I make for dinner", "I wish she wasn't leaving". Not listed in order of importance...obviously, but there; those are my thoughts. Bet ya wish you didn't ask now, huh? That's just my 2¢. lol. Thanks alot BTW!!
alethean Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Hey Clay! (Omg, that rhymes ) 1. Hopefully Will realizes that you have his back, but if he does get mad at you about it I'd stay out of his business with Mary from now on. 2. Forget her. 3. Only if he brings it up first. 4. Nothing. She is who she is. 5. I agree with Johnny's answer. Nothing wrong with your interests, and a girl that's right for you will appreciate them. I can't tell you if Lauren's that girl though. As far as losing weight, make sure you want to do that for yourself, not for anyone else. Otherwise you might not feel motivated to stick to your plan. On actually getting started, I really think you should start small with your changes. For example, six years ago, I decided I felt out of shape. I honestly had never exercised a day in my life, except for gym class at school. So I started off by walking my dog for ten minutes in the morning. Over the next five years, I worked up to a mile, two, three, four--now I'm at five and I go to the gym three to four times a week as well. But it did take five years to establish this routine. If I had decided one day that I was just going to be a superstar athlete and run ten miles, I would have failed. Same with diets. Start with small, manageable changes and work your way up so that you don't disappoint yourself. Take for example your water diet. I don't know where you started off, but I personally wouldn't go from drinking soda pop three times a day to just drinking water. I'd be craving that soda real quick. I would start off replacing one of my sodas with a glass of water and go from there. 6. I have no idea. You'd need to find out more about her personality imo. Some girls will be impressed by corny jokes (like me, I find anything funny), others won't. Some will only be impressed if you're physically up to par. I have some friends like this; they will only date 8s or higher, or they have some obscene height requirement. I personally like guys with good conversation skills (I'm shy, so I can understand that there are guys who don't have this ability with me right away...but I feel that everyone has a story), wicked sense of humor, and a passion or drive. Physically I'm not picky at all and don't really have a "type." My sister, otoh, is much more physically oriented and likes the tall, dark, handsome type who is outgoing and funny like she is. It really depends... 7. Can't help you because I'm always socially awkward. 8. My thoughts: don't try to get too involved with this Will/Wyatt and Mary/Mandy situation. It just sounds like a lot of unnecessary, avoidable drama. I get that you're Will's friend but honestly what can you do? And gl on the Lauren situation.
Author c&l Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Thanks alot! I am on a "water" diet... although its more of a "water and juice, but not pop" diet It was my news years resolution to loose wait, by starting out small. Also me and my friends are learning to snowboard (but alas, winter is going away.) And yeah, i'll try to avoid it... and i accidentyl said the real names in there somewhere didnt i? And thanks, me and Wyatt are gunna grab a bite to eat at steak n shake this weekend, hopefully she'll be our waitress Then i could tip her a lil generously.. not to much though Edited January 18, 2011 by c&l
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