slughead Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 first post and guess im looking for answers, here is my story married 10 years together 18. The whole thing has been very rocky but we have held on through alcholisim (mine 10 yrs sober) and infedelity and violence on booth parts. 4 kids 14 13 10 9. Recently relocated for 6 months so we could solidify family life and finances. After a great start wife left after a small argument. 2 oldest and my youngest remained with me the 10 yr old went with her. This was childrens choice. I am deeply hurt and dealing with feelings that run all over the place. Having difficulty trying to keep things together working and taking care of kids while wondering what to do next. Any sugestions?
sirweasles Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 sorry need more info on why you seperated every relationship is rocky you need to figure out what you did only way you can fix anything what she has done only means anything top her you need to fix you and keep intouch and let her know you love her and want to make it work
Author slughead Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 i am not really sure but she was deffinately unhappy. we were bickering over alot. she complained she was carrying to much of the load but the more the kids and i would do the more she would withdraw. The lines of communication are open but am wondering if i should cut all contact for a short time perhaps a month and see what i really want to do. I am consulting with a lawyer next week mainly due to the children but without knowing where i stand i dont even know how to proceed. The kids that are with me are holding up very well (better then me) but i am concerned how this will effect them so am looking into some family counselling for all of us. The financial mess this has left me in is almost unbearable as supporting the kids i have with me while sending her and my daughter money is pushing us quickly toward bancrupcy.
sirweasles Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 stop sending her money piriod fix your self and get your finaces straight the more she is able to live off of you with out you there the more she will feel that she doesnt need you there is always somthing that causes problems from both ends figure out what part u played and fix it its all you can do do not go nc you will find it only builds a bigger gap and its not fair to the kids you need to make sure she knows you love her at all times at least every 2 days tell her you love her but no more than 2 times a day talk to her in a possative way about life do not talk about your relationship unless she brings it up at this point she is the one who has the problem with you guys she is the one that needs to clear her head and when she is ready she will be the one to bring it up for the fixing or ending fix you become the you she always loved and pray but do not let your self fail finacially or any other way it will only add fuel to the fire you have more of the kids she chose to leave you take care of finaces and let her figure out hoe to care for herself and your child
Author slughead Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 i cant simply stop supporting my daughter even though the thoughts of cutting them off completly did cross my mind. I was not going to cut off contact with the kids that will be up to them but as for myself i find the conversations very unseatling to me i always come off feeling worse even though i am dieing to hear from them it never seems worth it. She doesnt try and contact the kids here and when they talk to her they complain about how distant she seems
sirweasles Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 when she has to grow up she will if she cant support your daughter she needs to come back home to you you need to take care of your kids and if you are giving her money that is breaking your bank then you are neglecting your kids sorry to be harsh and sorry about your daughter but this is reality is your wife worth more than your kids becouse the money you are sending is for her you know it as well as i do if things get bad your daughter will come home dont enable her by getting into finacial messes you strenghten her case by giving her money you support her new life stile. I give all my money tpo my wife becouse this job was for my family my wife uses some for her life stile it has made things tougher becouse she is now happier than she has been in awhile well she has more money than she has had in a long time she spends 200 dollars on clothes and still has money what she doesnt see is that im starving out of gas and cant aford to piss i wont let her see that i will cut off my pay to her if i feel i need to though right now she is paying off alot of debt we got into if that gets all paid off and she is still distancing herself from me i will withdraw my money completly which means she will no longer have money to breath i dont believe that if your wife chose to leave you need to support her but you need to let her know you love her an d want her back also until devorce there is no such thing as seperation dateing unless you are already fighting for devorce and are no longer in anyway goin to reconcile
Author slughead Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 i love here very much but if she doesnt want the relationship then there is nothing i can do to change that. I know i realize that in my head by my heart is still torn. I still have the moral and legal responsibilities to her and all of the children.I am sure the lawyer will inform me of what all that entales but i dont know if i am ready for all this, do i sit here and wait for something that may never happen or do i fight for the daughter thats with her to come back to whats left of her family?
Author slughead Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 Just a follow up kids with me had contact with there mother and i dont know what she said but now youngest kids with me and are very angry and upset. Does this mean anything?
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