QuiltMom Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I'm totally lost & am not sure what to do. I'm not even sure I'm posting in the right area. My husband & I are living separate although are not "separated". He had to take a contract job in Philly when I lost my job last April so we could try to get by, I'm alone with my kids in central KY. Things have been rough the whole time he's been gone and early this week we had a huge fight. Our finances are separate: he has his account, I have our joint account. His pay check goes into his account & he pays our rent to his mother (he has free housing in Philly as part of his contract), my pay from my temp job and any side jobs I can find goes into the joint account and I pay daycare and all our other expenses. He failed to budget to pay the rent (he makes significantly more than I do) and was calling to tell me to send the rent. This meant draining all the savings I'd worked and scrimped to build and all but $20 from checking. With three kids to support. I was livid, we never yell or "fight" but I yelled. He just refused to answer. I probably said things I shouldn't but no name calling. Now he won't respond to emails or return calls, it's been almost a week. I love my husband more than anything. I just want him back. I don't know what to do.
Author QuiltMom Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 Do I keep trying to contact him? I've begged, I've pleaded, I even offered to pay him to talk to me (in retrospect this probably just made him madder), I've tried to not be needy or clingy but I don't know what's going on at all. I've been in such a panic. Generally I go out of my way to make sure nothing is asked of him and never ever nag. He is a good man, I'm just so in the dark.
hopesndreams Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Do I keep trying to contact him? I've begged, I've pleaded, I even offered to pay him to talk to me (in retrospect this probably just made him madder), I've tried to not be needy or clingy but I don't know what's going on at all. I've been in such a panic. Generally I go out of my way to make sure nothing is asked of him and never ever nag. He is a good man, I'm just so in the dark. You need to rethink what is bolded. He failed to budget to pay the rent (he makes significantly more than I do) and was calling to tell me to send the rent. This meant draining all the savings I'd worked and scrimped to build and all but $20 from checking. With three kids to support. I was livid, we never yell or "fight" but I yelled. He just refused to answer. I probably said things I shouldn't but no name calling. Now he won't respond to emails or return calls, it's been almost a week.
Teresa31 Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Hi there I am no expert in relationships believe me and I am having a lot of problems myself right now so I do sympathise with how you are feeling, all I can advise is what I would do in your situation. Hard as it may be I would personally give him some space and let him contact you when he is ready. You have kids & a home etc together so he is gonna have to contact you at some point. If you keep begging and pleading with him to contact you it will probably drag it out longer and at the moment he probably feels like he has the upper hand. What he has done is selfish & wrong and you had every right to speak up about it, don't feel guilty now just because he has gone off in a sulk!! Stick your guns, he needs to know he can't make a habit of 'spending the rent money', he has responsibilities and he needs to face up to them. Be strong and try to keep yourself occupied, HE WILL CALL EVENTUALLY!! I hope everything works itself out for you, take care xxx
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